aztchr

I've been in my apartment for a little over a year now.
Lately, I'm having a hard time sleeping and just being comfortable and feeling safe alone at night. I've been having a few dreams and wake up with my heart racing.

During the early evening and weekends during the day, I'm fine.
I'm trying to turn this one over, take a few breaths, keep my phone close by and just let go. My dad tells me over and over, there is nothing different in the dark. Go to sleep!

Also, I'm feeling unsettled in my apartment. My lease is up at the end of May and I've been searching online for somewhere else, but where I live now is really nice and affordable. Actually I never really settled in my mind. I don't need to move. I'm just getting anxious about committing to a new lease.
The worse that can happen is I break a lease if needed and pay for it.

It's just hard to rent knowing you owned a house. Sometimes I feel less than because I gave up things. I know comparison won't help any and the gains outweigh the losses. I'm having a hard time seeing that right now.

I guess after rambling I just need to accept this is where I am for today.
Maybe I'm trying to interrupt what's calm because I haven't had much experience with it.

Thanks for reading and sharing what has helped if you can relate.

BayAreaPhoenix

(((hugs)))
It's funny. As much as I don't mind it if my AH can buy me out of the house, and I wish it, the idea of renting is more scarey to me than owning. I don't know what that is.

I don't have anything that's helped me really, except I go to pharmaca and I take some stress response stuff and exhilarin - at least I think those are the names during the day and at night they have some new chewey tabs, Tranquil Sleep by Stress Relax and it seems to shut my head off before it shuts my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm giving too many names, but I guess if it's not OK someone will block it out. anyhow, I do my best, but these natural helps have been a great help and have kept the elephant off my chest during the day and my mind from racing at night.

Good luck with everything, eventually I know it will get better and everything will be fine, I think at the moment, when we're in the thick of it, it's hard to see it. Try to stay in touch with your own HP - and to help that along, usually posting here helps too!

Hugs and prayers to you always, we are all with you! Try to get some good sleep!

aztchr

Usually when I get too uncomfortable with myself, it means change is taking place.
Perhaps I'm going through growing pains again.

lexusgirl

(((((aztchr))))))

What about taking a nice, long bath before bed and some tea. When I start feeling anxious and restless at night I know it's time for me to get a massage. I usually get one once a month and they do wonders for me. The next few nights I sleep like a baby!

I too have nightmares mostly related to PTSD, I usually feel more safe with a very dim light on at night. I also have one of those sound machines by my bed that plays the sounds of the ocean. It's so soothing.

Easier said then done, but try giving it all to your higher power.

CarolD

Please see if this link helps with your sleeping problem

Insomnia? 41 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures

I do hope you find your way into peace.

Barbara52

If having the lease is somehow contributing to your difficulties, can you do a month-to-month lease rather than the usual year long lease? Most places do that. You pay a tad more in rent but if that is part of what is causing your anxiety it may be worth it.

As for the insomnia, talk to you doc about it. Sometimes there is a physical cause. I have suffered with insomnia off and on for 15 years or more. I kow all the tricks recommended for dealing with it and found them all ineffective or only minimally helpful. I now talk a sleeping pill now and then when needed.

BayAreaPhoenix

I think I know that feeling too. It's a little different feeling than just the usual uncomfortable/restlessness, at least for me it's a little different. Not much - very subtle actually, but discernible. When that happens to me I have to laugh because I think of it as my instinct or intuition banging really loudly since I am apparently ignoring it!

Good that you recognized it for what it is. So much change and "growing up" in a relatively short length of time it feels like, but it's all good! You'll get to your comfortable space (wherever that may be) at the right time for you, I'm sure you and your HP will make sure of that!

denny57

I'm the opposite. I prefer renting to owning. I'd rather "save" my money elsewhere. It's just not in my genes to own a home LOL. There are some excellent articles out there on the pros of renting (as long as you invest elsewhere).

Maybe taking a look at the deeper issue you touch on - how you perceive renters (or yourself). It's certainly true that home ownership has been sold as the great American dream. Breaking free of societal pressures can be very rewarding. I got a lot of advice to buy another home after I sold mine. No way. I asked myself: do I really want to own a home or would I be doing it because other people think I should?

If the answer is, I want to own a home, then I do that or work towards it. If not, everyone else is entitled to their opinion, but it's my life.

Maybe the inner voice is saying "renting is fine," not "it's a mistake to rent."

LaTeeDa

Journaling was a big help to me in the beginning of my separation from my AH. Then, after a while I stopped doing it because I felt like I didn't need it anymore. Lately, I've started keeping a notebook and pen on my nightstand and journaling my dreams. Especially when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep right away. It's been very theraputic in helping me sleep better and also somewhat revealing when I go back and read the dreams and notice the common threads in them.

L

Angelus

I went through exactly this some years back. It changed as soon as I moved into a new place where I was more comfortable, but there were other factors that helped. Therapy was one. But like you mentioned I think I was also going through a major change emotionally.

Rella927

Sorry that you are having so many emotions running through right now-

I like the way Denny put it about "renting" and "owning"

When my husband passed away-I lived in my home for awhile longer and then I had to make the choice to sell it. At first I had very low self esteem in regards to renting! I felt the same as you did "It is hard to rent knowing you owned a home". I actually ended up feeling very comfy in my new little place and in time I made adjustments to the smaller place-I took a different approach and thanked God that I had a roof over my head even though I did not "own" it! (As a lot of people sometimes in this world do not get a choice)

As for the sleeping issues-the link Carol gave has a lot of helpful ideas to seek out and if they do not work-then maybe see a Doctor-I have a little waterfall that lights up and water trickles down-on my nightstand. I have a routine with my little Lhasa Apso before we go to bed so that helps to keep me in check with it being time to go to bed!

I still however wake up some nights afraid and scared-I believe it is when we have a lot on our minds and things are not clear this can happen. Just my thought-

I also like the suggestion of the month to month. That is what I'am on and it is easier because I can up and leave when I wish and gives me that chance to become a "homeowner" again at a moments notice should I decide too.

Good Luck to you!

aztchr

I really appreciate the responses!

It's not so much that I can't sleep, but that I am keeping myself awake. I want to feel more secure and if I'm awake I can be. I know it doesn't make sense b/c without enough sleep I won't be able to function either.

I've been digger deeper to find the core issues of everything going on in my head.

The following pretty much sums it up: accepting, trusting, and believing in my own choices and not comparing past and present

On a positive note, I went to a meeting tonight. I know I'm making progress with boundaries and not trying to do for others when they can do for themselves.
Co-workers and family members are recognizing this.