Felling dummpy
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Felling dummpy
Well it's one of those days, feeling lonely and missing my ex, our aniversary is April 4 so I guess that says it all, my head is going back to the good ol days.
I miss having someone, I don't do this alone thing very well... don't get me wrong, life is good the kids are good, everything right on track for me.
I just miss having a man to hold me. My man.
He is with someone else, why is it so easy for him?
No, no, no......... crap, I'm sad
I miss having someone, I don't do this alone thing very well... don't get me wrong, life is good the kids are good, everything right on track for me.
I just miss having a man to hold me. My man.
He is with someone else, why is it so easy for him?
No, no, no......... crap, I'm sad
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Kermit))))
I still have those days, no matter how much I know that I'm better off without my XABF. He used to sing to me all the time, and any time I hear one of the songs he same to me, it still hurts.
We're only human, and I think we just go through times when we want to be held. Fortunately, the feelings usually pass.
No great words of advice...just wanted you to know you're not alone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I still have those days, no matter how much I know that I'm better off without my XABF. He used to sing to me all the time, and any time I hear one of the songs he same to me, it still hurts.
We're only human, and I think we just go through times when we want to be held. Fortunately, the feelings usually pass.
No great words of advice...just wanted you to know you're not alone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: California
Posts: 112
Agree all around. These days happen. For me too. I long for my man physically (not even in a sexual way)......on a regular basis. I miss kissing him.
Someday.....when it is right, it will be someone else. That is always an exciting thought. Someday.
Someday.....when it is right, it will be someone else. That is always an exciting thought. Someday.
play the tape all the way thru
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
(((((((Kermit))))))))
I'm sorry you're feeling down...It's a grieving process we all go through. Each day brings a new emotion. Time does heal a lot tho!!
Yup like caroline said...someday when the time is right, there will be someone else....:ghug3
I'm sorry you're feeling down...It's a grieving process we all go through. Each day brings a new emotion. Time does heal a lot tho!!
Yup like caroline said...someday when the time is right, there will be someone else....:ghug3
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I may take a little heat for this but quite frankly I don't think its particulary helpful to always say there will be someone else. There very well may not be someone else. That doesn't have to be a bad fate either. Accepting life as it is and as it comes seems much better to me. I am not going to hinge my personal happiness on the possible appearance of another man in my life. I am going to make my life as happy and fulfiling as can be whether there is a man in my life or not. I am not going to tell myself someday I will find happiness/feel better/reach nirvana because someday I will find another man.
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
You all are great, thanks, but I still don't think I will ever date again.... My heart was so broken there is no way I'm giving anyone else the chance/
Barb... I'm okay with your thoughts, I too want to be happy with out a man, besides if you think about it I got two little men!
Barb... I'm okay with your thoughts, I too want to be happy with out a man, besides if you think about it I got two little men!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Barbara52))
I actually agree with you. I am learning to enjoy my life all by myself (with my friends, family and furbabies, of course). If someone comes along that ADDS to my life, then so be it. If they don't, I will be okay.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I actually agree with you. I am learning to enjoy my life all by myself (with my friends, family and furbabies, of course). If someone comes along that ADDS to my life, then so be it. If they don't, I will be okay.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 151
Here's another perspective: I'm still living with AH as we move through the divorce process. He doesn't want to get divorced, but he's equally unwilling to work any kind of recovery program. I'm not willing to continue riding the roller-coaster, so we're at a stalemate.
He often sings, tries (successfully) to hug me, etc. It's sad, but it's empty. Those moments don't carry any of the hope or meaning they used to when he was sober, committed, and working his program. The fact that I'm no longer in denial about the emptiness of his promises and the inevitable future progression of his drinking takes all the "fun" out of those small, seemingly connected moments as well.
I don't know if it would be easier if he were living somewhere else right now. I think I might be more apt to slip into the "good 'ol days thinking" and minimize reality if he weren't around every day. There's always some part of our daily interaction that reminds me of why the relationship is over and could never work without his sobriety.
Either way, Kermit, it's sad and it sucks. I've just got to believe that I'll get a much better return on my investment in myself over the long term, than continuing to put it into him.
He often sings, tries (successfully) to hug me, etc. It's sad, but it's empty. Those moments don't carry any of the hope or meaning they used to when he was sober, committed, and working his program. The fact that I'm no longer in denial about the emptiness of his promises and the inevitable future progression of his drinking takes all the "fun" out of those small, seemingly connected moments as well.
I don't know if it would be easier if he were living somewhere else right now. I think I might be more apt to slip into the "good 'ol days thinking" and minimize reality if he weren't around every day. There's always some part of our daily interaction that reminds me of why the relationship is over and could never work without his sobriety.
Either way, Kermit, it's sad and it sucks. I've just got to believe that I'll get a much better return on my investment in myself over the long term, than continuing to put it into him.
play the tape all the way thru
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
I agree with you on this DetachMe. As soon as I said I'm done to xabf, he started drinking more and more. This just justifies my decision to leave all the more. I guess some sort of validation that I knew things wouldn't change.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Whenever I start longing for something in the past, or something that might happen in the future, it's a sure sign that I'm not living in the present. Remembering all I have to be grateful for RIGHT NOW is the best way I know to get back to the present moment.
L
L
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: California
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by Barbara52 
I may take a little heat for this but quite frankly I don't think its particulary helpful to always say there will be someone else. There very well may not be someone else. That doesn't have to be a bad fate either. Accepting life as it is and as it comes seems much better to me. I am not going to hinge my personal happiness on the possible appearance of another man in my life. I am going to make my life as happy and fulfiling as can be whether there is a man in my life or not. I am not going to tell myself someday I will find happiness/feel better/reach nirvana because someday I will find another man.
But, the truth of the matter is that when you ARE indeed happy with yourself, happy in your life just as it is.........you attract the world, and for someone who is a hopeless romantic like me, it will just come to you. And....whether you seek it or not......loving and being loved by someone is a beautiful thing as well as loving and being loved by YOURSELF.
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy and proud of my achievments so far. As far as being with someone else some day. Who knows, but right now I don't care, I just want to be. I have been enjoying things that I didn't get to do when married, like see bands that I love and getting to know my best friend from childhood again, she is married with two boys, we do allot together, it is great, I missed her and the truth parenting is easier now with out him always just handing over money to buy this or go there, we have more fun hanging out at home, parks ect,, There are way more +'s than -'s to this divorce, just miss being married I guess "the dream" still gets me down sometimes...
play the tape all the way thru
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by Barbara52
I may take a little heat for this but quite frankly I don't think its particulary helpful to always say there will be someone else. There very well may not be someone else. That doesn't have to be a bad fate either. Accepting life as it is and as it comes seems much better to me. I am not going to hinge my personal happiness on the possible appearance of another man in my life. I am going to make my life as happy and fulfiling as can be whether there is a man in my life or not. I am not going to tell myself someday I will find happiness/feel better/reach nirvana because someday I will find another man.
It wasn't meant as a cure all answer...just thrown out there. To each is own.
I'm not saying every women needs a man to complete her; I have raised my son alone and if his A father had been in the picture I would have been raising two kids...
Last edited by lexusgirl; 03-27-2008 at 01:35 PM.
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