Bright sun-shiny day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 123
Bright sun-shiny day!
Just kidding - it's a lousy, miserable, cloudy and bleak day. I'd like to think the subject of the post comes from my sense of humor but feel it's more likely that it's a sign of my fast-track advance towards total insanity.
I've tried like crazy to keep my chin up lately. At every angle I find that keeping my chin up makes it much easier for others to cut your throat... Take a deep breath... don't let them get you down... just relax... say a prayer... take care of you, humbug!
Case in point... I filed for divorce from my AW and, although I have a mountain of support to the contrary, I filed for a no-fault divorce in order to not prolong the pain, cost and ugliness. I just simply wanted a divorce. Her reply to this was to file an injunction against me and state grounds for divorce as severe mental and physical abuse. Bottom line - that's a lie. She now wants support and money - well, you can't get blood from a stone.
In all seriousness - I'm really ready to quit trying. I'm as close as I've ever been to not caring at all anymore. About anything... it's much easier not to care than it is to fight for something you care about.
Not looking to whine - I actually quit posting here for a bit because I was being such a downer. But I just got the divorce response today.
I've tried like crazy to keep my chin up lately. At every angle I find that keeping my chin up makes it much easier for others to cut your throat... Take a deep breath... don't let them get you down... just relax... say a prayer... take care of you, humbug!
Case in point... I filed for divorce from my AW and, although I have a mountain of support to the contrary, I filed for a no-fault divorce in order to not prolong the pain, cost and ugliness. I just simply wanted a divorce. Her reply to this was to file an injunction against me and state grounds for divorce as severe mental and physical abuse. Bottom line - that's a lie. She now wants support and money - well, you can't get blood from a stone.
In all seriousness - I'm really ready to quit trying. I'm as close as I've ever been to not caring at all anymore. About anything... it's much easier not to care than it is to fight for something you care about.
Not looking to whine - I actually quit posting here for a bit because I was being such a downer. But I just got the divorce response today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. She's pushing your buttons. My xah punched my buttons all the way through the divorce and continued after it was final. He was trying to get a reaction from me. Sometimes he succeeded but often he didn't. When I didn't react or reacted differently than he thought I would......things seem to go better in some strange way.
Divorce will make you crazy for a while (it did me anyway). Add the element of addiction in there and it's a formula for insanity. Luckily it's only temporary.
gentle hugs
Divorce will make you crazy for a while (it did me anyway). Add the element of addiction in there and it's a formula for insanity. Luckily it's only temporary.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 208
It sounds like you're having a really crappy day.
I have those, too. Sometimes they string together and I have a crappy week or month. But if I break everything down into manageable chunks, I'm able to focus on the NOW. Sometimes a whole day is too much to deal with. I break it into pieces -- morning, afternoon, evening. Or one HOUR at a time. Or minute. Or breath. Whatever it takes.
It sounds like you've been trying a lot. When I am trying that much, it means I've forgotten that I am powerless. I am not in charge. I'm not helpless, but I am powerless. Then I need to bottom out with the controlling behavior and let a power greater than myself restore me to sanity. That's really key with me: I will not be restoring MYSELF to sanity. Only my Higher Power can do that once I'm bonkers (I use this term with the utmost respect and affection for myself).
If I can focus on one thing, right now, that feels good or safe or perhaps just tolerable, it helps. Like when I'm freaking out about money, it can be useful to go to my fridge and look at what I DO have to eat, to really concentrate on it. It may not be the five-star dinner I WANT to eat, but I'm covered. Okay. Or maybe I just need to feel crappy for a while. That happens, too. But when I'm spiraling into the wallowing in self-pity, it's very dangerous mental territory for me. I can justify any behavior at that point (especially self-destruction) and reject any authentic source of solution. So when that happens I need some intervention -- sponsor, program friends, higher power, whatever. I just do it until it takes hold. I don't have to like it.
I always say that: none of the 12 steps ends in the phrase, "...and I liked it."
That's a good thing because I'd have been screwed a long time ago if I was required to like it!!!
Thank you for posting/sharing.
I have those, too. Sometimes they string together and I have a crappy week or month. But if I break everything down into manageable chunks, I'm able to focus on the NOW. Sometimes a whole day is too much to deal with. I break it into pieces -- morning, afternoon, evening. Or one HOUR at a time. Or minute. Or breath. Whatever it takes.
It sounds like you've been trying a lot. When I am trying that much, it means I've forgotten that I am powerless. I am not in charge. I'm not helpless, but I am powerless. Then I need to bottom out with the controlling behavior and let a power greater than myself restore me to sanity. That's really key with me: I will not be restoring MYSELF to sanity. Only my Higher Power can do that once I'm bonkers (I use this term with the utmost respect and affection for myself).
If I can focus on one thing, right now, that feels good or safe or perhaps just tolerable, it helps. Like when I'm freaking out about money, it can be useful to go to my fridge and look at what I DO have to eat, to really concentrate on it. It may not be the five-star dinner I WANT to eat, but I'm covered. Okay. Or maybe I just need to feel crappy for a while. That happens, too. But when I'm spiraling into the wallowing in self-pity, it's very dangerous mental territory for me. I can justify any behavior at that point (especially self-destruction) and reject any authentic source of solution. So when that happens I need some intervention -- sponsor, program friends, higher power, whatever. I just do it until it takes hold. I don't have to like it.
I always say that: none of the 12 steps ends in the phrase, "...and I liked it."
That's a good thing because I'd have been screwed a long time ago if I was required to like it!!!
Thank you for posting/sharing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Ha! TdinATL--
Wait a minute- you didn't want to post cuz you're being such a downer???!! That's when you NEED to post!
Your thread name did make me giggle- because I know that feeling so well -- gallows humor.
Wow so she hit you from behind.
Today you feel like giving up. That's just today. Take it easy. You're probably worn out and fed up and just need a little digesting time.
You must have a lawyer right?
Lean on the lawyer a little - get a realistic picture of what this all means and make a new plan.
She's not going to go quietly. Maybe you will have to make some noise too?
Just keep your eyes on the prize - one day your divorce WILL be final and you WILL be free!!
And, just like you said, if there is no blood in the stone then - she can try to squeeze it all she wants. Don't let her intimidate you. Stay strong, work the laws to YOUR advantage and go easy on yourself. The insanity will go away - maybe not all at once - but soon you'll have some sunshine...
..and don't lose that dark sense of humor.
Peace,
B.
Wait a minute- you didn't want to post cuz you're being such a downer???!! That's when you NEED to post!
Your thread name did make me giggle- because I know that feeling so well -- gallows humor.
Wow so she hit you from behind.
Today you feel like giving up. That's just today. Take it easy. You're probably worn out and fed up and just need a little digesting time.
You must have a lawyer right?
Lean on the lawyer a little - get a realistic picture of what this all means and make a new plan.
She's not going to go quietly. Maybe you will have to make some noise too?
Just keep your eyes on the prize - one day your divorce WILL be final and you WILL be free!!
And, just like you said, if there is no blood in the stone then - she can try to squeeze it all she wants. Don't let her intimidate you. Stay strong, work the laws to YOUR advantage and go easy on yourself. The insanity will go away - maybe not all at once - but soon you'll have some sunshine...
..and don't lose that dark sense of humor.
Peace,
B.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 123
With my attorney's OK I emailed my wife to ask her why she felt the need to go this route. Her basic reply was "the lawyer told me to".
My attorney told me that HER attorney is one of the best, and most aggressive, divorce lawyers in Atlanta. By making people angry, you make people fight - by making people fight... you generate billable hours!
It really disturbs me that some (most?) attorneys operate this way... not sure how they sleep at night.
Thanks for the great replies - I still feel crappy but getting it out helps. Hey, at least I do try to keep some of my sense of humor. Wasn't it that great philosopher Jimmy Buffet that said "If we weren't all crazy we'd all go insane."???
My attorney told me that HER attorney is one of the best, and most aggressive, divorce lawyers in Atlanta. By making people angry, you make people fight - by making people fight... you generate billable hours!
It really disturbs me that some (most?) attorneys operate this way... not sure how they sleep at night.
Thanks for the great replies - I still feel crappy but getting it out helps. Hey, at least I do try to keep some of my sense of humor. Wasn't it that great philosopher Jimmy Buffet that said "If we weren't all crazy we'd all go insane."???
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 30
Your post made me laugh, too. I needed a smile today, even though it's because I know how you feel and it actually really stinks.
I have interviewed a few lawyers and the most experienced one gave me some rather drastic advise. I told her I didn't even think he'd fight anything (how could he after all he's done) and doubt he would even get a lawyer. She told me point blank, he will and he will fight with all he's got.
I'm beginning to see now after a recent tirade of insults he threw at me he told me to "google" emotional abuse because that's what I've done to HIM!
I'm sorry you are dealing with and wishing you better days
I have interviewed a few lawyers and the most experienced one gave me some rather drastic advise. I told her I didn't even think he'd fight anything (how could he after all he's done) and doubt he would even get a lawyer. She told me point blank, he will and he will fight with all he's got.
I'm beginning to see now after a recent tirade of insults he threw at me he told me to "google" emotional abuse because that's what I've done to HIM!
I'm sorry you are dealing with and wishing you better days
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: California
Posts: 303
TDinATL, I don't have any words of advice, but I do know that you have a great sense of humor, and I really appreciated it today!
Thanks for your post, and sorry for what you are going through.
Shivaya
Thanks for your post, and sorry for what you are going through.
Shivaya
play the tape all the way thru
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Hang in there TDinATL. I too have those insane days with my xabf. He truly makes no sense. I too feel like giving up and I think when we have too much on our plate and are so overwhelmed, it's pretty natural to feel that way.
There are better days ahead!
There are better days ahead!
Sister of Alcoholic
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: somewhere USA
Posts: 152
Hi TD,
I can't offer you any advice about divorce, but I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time...keep posting here--you are not a "downer" and we all can relate to how you feel.
Hugs, :ghug3
I can't offer you any advice about divorce, but I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time...keep posting here--you are not a "downer" and we all can relate to how you feel.
Hugs, :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
AH filed for divorce over 2 years ago and told me he couldn't wait to get rid of me. He told me we should just move on with our lives. I'm still not divorced because he won't sign the papers that release community property to me. I've done everything I've been asked to do. He's now threatening to take me to court to pay HIS income taxes and for the return of a 12-year old couch mauled by cats.
No one can make this stuff up LOL!
No one can make this stuff up LOL!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
I'm sorry you are dealing with this, it sucks. I am lucky to live in a state that is no fault. Proving fault is expensive and difficult so no one bothers (STD's or fraud or severe physical abuse qualify). My ex was too cheap and chicken**** to even get an attorney (a blessing and a curse since he constantly threatened to drag things out).
Keep in mind that she has probably lied to her attorney, it will come back to haunt her.
Keep in mind that she has probably lied to her attorney, it will come back to haunt her.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 59
I love your sense of humor through all of this. A bit wacked just like mine so maybe I'm the only one to appreciate but hey humor helps. My AW drives me nuts on a daily basis and seriously my source of relief is comedy. Movies, tv shows, books, anything to do with comedy just puts me in another world. I just started checking out this British television show on netflix called Little Britain. It cheers me up just to find something stupid and laugh at it. I do a couple episodes a note before bed so I can sleep with a smile.
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