Update on how things are going
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 261
Update on how things are going
Hi everyone...it has been about a good 2 weeks since I have not had internet...due to the move and all but I got connected again as of this morning. Anyway just giving everyone an update that have read my threads before.
I have my cute 1 bedroom 1 bath apartment set up and it is so nice but a little lonely. For the most part I am doing ok....still functioning and at times find myself happy. It has been 1 week today since I have talked or seen the exabf and this past week has been very stress free. I am still at times lonely and still cry and get down...mostly at night but for the most part I am excited about my new life. I think that I have been in a tornado for so long and now that it is gone and I am just dealing with some of the destruction of the storm and the quietness. I will be honest it has been really hard to be alone at times because I am so use to the hectic crazy life and I do want to reach out and talk with him at times but I know that I can not do that.
When I did talk with him last week he made it seem like he was doing so much better and that now that we are not together he is able to fully concentrate on himself but he said that he does miss me and he thinks about me a lot through out the day He supposedly has not been drinking like he used to and he has an interview this week for a great job making about 2-3k a week. His buddy does this job and supposedly they think that the exabf will be great at it. He also mentioned that while working at this job he is going to start emt school. All he could say to me is sorry that he did not do this kind of stuff with me. He said that he was able to do these things now because he does not have to worry about me being mad at him and nagging him to do it....that he has more motivation. He says that he feels bad that he is now getting his life in order and I told him that yes it sucks and I wish that he would have done it when we were together and that is all that I wanted. He says that he knows that alcohol played a large role in the problems that we had and that his committment issues got in the way also. I told him that I am sorry that he has committment issues and that what he did not realize is that he had a great girl that would have loved him till the end of time and he also had a girl that never cheated on him(which seems to be the norms these days)
I asked him why he has committment issues and he told me it was b/c his parents got divorced when he was 5(same reason for his drinking) and that is how he views relationship....that they can be wonderful and eventually they end and you pick up the pieces and move on!!!
Wow....is all I can say to that. Even despite the drinking problem I now realize that I def do not want to be involved with anyone that has that crazy view on relationships(first time that he has ever really admitted to me that he has committment issues). I think that it is sad and I feel bad for him that his mind is so warped when it comes to relationships.
I have done a lot of thinking this past week and yes I still feel sad because he is not in my life but now that I am out of the storm I have had a chance to really view the relationship that I was in and I am sad not b/c of loosing the person that he really was but the person that I thought he was and wanted him to be at times.
He is not the right one and I am excited to finally be able to go out there and find someone that I have even a stronger connection with. Like I said I still have my lonely times but honestly now that I can come back here and type away I think that I will be ok.
What I have learned from this relationship..... a lot. I know exactly the kind of things that I want in my next relationship and I will not accept any kind of red flags. If My gut instinct says get out I will listen to it. I have had the get out feeling for at least the past 2 years but never listened to it. I have learned that sometimes love is just not enough to keep a relationship going. I have learned that in order for a relationship to work that both people need to be healthy and happy with themselves. I don't want to feel like I have to parent my next partner. I want a relationship next time where someone will sometimes take care of me.....the list could go on and on.
Also not saying that I am going to do this right away but an eharmony commercial came on the other day and I was wondering what peoples views are on it and if anyone knows of anyone that has met someone this way and have a great relationship. I know about 3 people that have been matched and married this way and they are so good for one another. I think that I want to give it a try eventually. I know that people will recommend that I wait quite some time but honestly I have already started excepting that the xabf and I will never work and I don't want to spend this life alone....life is too short to do that. I say that I will probably give myself like 3-4 months and see where I am at that time.
Anyway....glad to be back on here....I have missed you guys.
I have my cute 1 bedroom 1 bath apartment set up and it is so nice but a little lonely. For the most part I am doing ok....still functioning and at times find myself happy. It has been 1 week today since I have talked or seen the exabf and this past week has been very stress free. I am still at times lonely and still cry and get down...mostly at night but for the most part I am excited about my new life. I think that I have been in a tornado for so long and now that it is gone and I am just dealing with some of the destruction of the storm and the quietness. I will be honest it has been really hard to be alone at times because I am so use to the hectic crazy life and I do want to reach out and talk with him at times but I know that I can not do that.
When I did talk with him last week he made it seem like he was doing so much better and that now that we are not together he is able to fully concentrate on himself but he said that he does miss me and he thinks about me a lot through out the day He supposedly has not been drinking like he used to and he has an interview this week for a great job making about 2-3k a week. His buddy does this job and supposedly they think that the exabf will be great at it. He also mentioned that while working at this job he is going to start emt school. All he could say to me is sorry that he did not do this kind of stuff with me. He said that he was able to do these things now because he does not have to worry about me being mad at him and nagging him to do it....that he has more motivation. He says that he feels bad that he is now getting his life in order and I told him that yes it sucks and I wish that he would have done it when we were together and that is all that I wanted. He says that he knows that alcohol played a large role in the problems that we had and that his committment issues got in the way also. I told him that I am sorry that he has committment issues and that what he did not realize is that he had a great girl that would have loved him till the end of time and he also had a girl that never cheated on him(which seems to be the norms these days)
I asked him why he has committment issues and he told me it was b/c his parents got divorced when he was 5(same reason for his drinking) and that is how he views relationship....that they can be wonderful and eventually they end and you pick up the pieces and move on!!!
Wow....is all I can say to that. Even despite the drinking problem I now realize that I def do not want to be involved with anyone that has that crazy view on relationships(first time that he has ever really admitted to me that he has committment issues). I think that it is sad and I feel bad for him that his mind is so warped when it comes to relationships.
I have done a lot of thinking this past week and yes I still feel sad because he is not in my life but now that I am out of the storm I have had a chance to really view the relationship that I was in and I am sad not b/c of loosing the person that he really was but the person that I thought he was and wanted him to be at times.
He is not the right one and I am excited to finally be able to go out there and find someone that I have even a stronger connection with. Like I said I still have my lonely times but honestly now that I can come back here and type away I think that I will be ok.
What I have learned from this relationship..... a lot. I know exactly the kind of things that I want in my next relationship and I will not accept any kind of red flags. If My gut instinct says get out I will listen to it. I have had the get out feeling for at least the past 2 years but never listened to it. I have learned that sometimes love is just not enough to keep a relationship going. I have learned that in order for a relationship to work that both people need to be healthy and happy with themselves. I don't want to feel like I have to parent my next partner. I want a relationship next time where someone will sometimes take care of me.....the list could go on and on.
Also not saying that I am going to do this right away but an eharmony commercial came on the other day and I was wondering what peoples views are on it and if anyone knows of anyone that has met someone this way and have a great relationship. I know about 3 people that have been matched and married this way and they are so good for one another. I think that I want to give it a try eventually. I know that people will recommend that I wait quite some time but honestly I have already started excepting that the xabf and I will never work and I don't want to spend this life alone....life is too short to do that. I say that I will probably give myself like 3-4 months and see where I am at that time.
Anyway....glad to be back on here....I have missed you guys.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: California
Posts: 112
Designer~
Sounds like overall....you are doing great.
Your xabf's comments about getting his act together and the reasons why he can do it now are so typical and predictable. Alcoholics all sing the same song. When the relationship is over, God forbid they take any responsibility for it's demise. But, hey, NOW that it is over, I'm doing great and it was actually the relationship/you that kept me from doing my best.
Seriously, it wears me out. Blah, blah, blah.
The good news is that the world awaits you. Loneliness is normal. Missing him is normal. All of these things will get better with time and the relationship itself and it's problems will all become clear and you will slowly realize how much better off you are.
Let life come to you and you will chase nothing. Keep up the good work. Green lights to you.
Sounds like overall....you are doing great.
Your xabf's comments about getting his act together and the reasons why he can do it now are so typical and predictable. Alcoholics all sing the same song. When the relationship is over, God forbid they take any responsibility for it's demise. But, hey, NOW that it is over, I'm doing great and it was actually the relationship/you that kept me from doing my best.
Seriously, it wears me out. Blah, blah, blah.
The good news is that the world awaits you. Loneliness is normal. Missing him is normal. All of these things will get better with time and the relationship itself and it's problems will all become clear and you will slowly realize how much better off you are.
Let life come to you and you will chase nothing. Keep up the good work. Green lights to you.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Hi Designer, its good to hear from you. I'm glad things are going well for you and that you are settled in your own place. In another two weeks xabf will be gone from the house, and I am beginning to lean toward being glad about it rather than sad. Its good to hear from someone who is just ahead of me on the path!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 261
LilyFlower just remember this.......It is going to be very hard and at times you are going to want to just throw in the towel and call it quits....hopefully not but it is a possibiltly. I moved and so did he so I am no longer in the same environment when we were together. My suggestion if you are staying in the same place.....clean the place really well, paint a wall a new color, rearrange your furniture...something to make it feel different in there.
Moving and breaking up with someone is not recommmended by me at all....LOL. On top of all that trying to learn a new position at work. IT has been a struggle to keep going. I did it though and I am now starting to feel a lot better. My message to you is to just keep moving forward even though it is hard. It will get better and we will be ok....promise.
Moving and breaking up with someone is not recommmended by me at all....LOL. On top of all that trying to learn a new position at work. IT has been a struggle to keep going. I did it though and I am now starting to feel a lot better. My message to you is to just keep moving forward even though it is hard. It will get better and we will be ok....promise.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Hey Designer!
Good to see you back. I was thinking about you and your move and hoped it went well!
I'm happy to hear you love your little apartment. I have a tiny place, but it's mine and that's all I care about.
On eHarmony - I met my most recent xabf (the one I have been writing about) on eHarmony. It's a logical way to go about getting back into the dating world, BUT the people you meet on there will likely have the same issues as any other place you met them. I went on because I was ready to get married, so I assumed everyone else on there was of like mind. Not true! My xabf recently revealed that he was not even close to marriage when we met. He just wanted to meet a quality person to spend time with. We were together 3 years before he he started ring shopping. Instead of giving me a ring, he gave me the truth about his alcoholism.
Although things happened the way they did with the xabf, I would go on the site again when I am ready. I think the most important thing to remember is that people are people. I think I put my guard down a bit because the site seemed so promising. Also, alcoholics lie, so it would be just as easy to claim you are ready to find lasting love on that site even if all you are looking for is someone to fill the void. I guess the moral of the story is look for red flags in the exact same way you would no matter where you meet them.
Good to see you back. I was thinking about you and your move and hoped it went well!
I'm happy to hear you love your little apartment. I have a tiny place, but it's mine and that's all I care about.
On eHarmony - I met my most recent xabf (the one I have been writing about) on eHarmony. It's a logical way to go about getting back into the dating world, BUT the people you meet on there will likely have the same issues as any other place you met them. I went on because I was ready to get married, so I assumed everyone else on there was of like mind. Not true! My xabf recently revealed that he was not even close to marriage when we met. He just wanted to meet a quality person to spend time with. We were together 3 years before he he started ring shopping. Instead of giving me a ring, he gave me the truth about his alcoholism.
Although things happened the way they did with the xabf, I would go on the site again when I am ready. I think the most important thing to remember is that people are people. I think I put my guard down a bit because the site seemed so promising. Also, alcoholics lie, so it would be just as easy to claim you are ready to find lasting love on that site even if all you are looking for is someone to fill the void. I guess the moral of the story is look for red flags in the exact same way you would no matter where you meet them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I was amazed at how much better both our lives got after I seperated from my first husband.
We are both remarried now and are fairly successful. Our addiction was to each other and we cannot talk, email etc. or we end up not liking ourselves much. I didn't know that there was that kind of addiction, but it nearly destroyed our lives.
That is just my story, but it does get better. It took me some time and a lot of hard work.
We are both remarried now and are fairly successful. Our addiction was to each other and we cannot talk, email etc. or we end up not liking ourselves much. I didn't know that there was that kind of addiction, but it nearly destroyed our lives.
That is just my story, but it does get better. It took me some time and a lot of hard work.
play the tape all the way thru
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Hi Designer-
Glad you're all settled in to your new place! I am a few steps behind you and will be moving out in a month and leaving my exabf. I know its going to be very hard. It sounds like you are doing well and learning so much about yourself!
It takes a lot of strength to do what you have done..
Life will only get better from here!
8
Glad you're all settled in to your new place! I am a few steps behind you and will be moving out in a month and leaving my exabf. I know its going to be very hard. It sounds like you are doing well and learning so much about yourself!
It takes a lot of strength to do what you have done..
Life will only get better from here!
8
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: California
Posts: 303
Designer, so good to hear from you. Sounds like you are doing well and making a new, more fulfilling life for yourself.
I'm sure you know the saying that "people come into our life for a reason". Sounds like you have learned so much about yourself from this relationship and when you decide that you are ready to pursue a new relationship, you will be "better equipped"!
I don't know much about dating sites, but I kind of like the idea of "placing an order" for a mate, so to speak!
I bet your family is real proud of you and the healthy choices that you are making in your life.
Best to you,
Shivaya
I'm sure you know the saying that "people come into our life for a reason". Sounds like you have learned so much about yourself from this relationship and when you decide that you are ready to pursue a new relationship, you will be "better equipped"!
I don't know much about dating sites, but I kind of like the idea of "placing an order" for a mate, so to speak!
I bet your family is real proud of you and the healthy choices that you are making in your life.
Best to you,
Shivaya
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by DESIGNER 
an eharmony commercial came on the other day and I was wondering what peoples views are on it and if anyone knows of anyone that has met someone this way and have a great relationship.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 47
I'm very happy for you and your new start!
I have been following your threads, and there are a lot of similarities with what I am going through (I just broke off with my ex, too). I am just amazed how strong you are and able to come to some closure and understanding. I am working toward coming to some type of closure, but it has been very hard.
I know living alone can be lonely, for me this board has been a great help in those times
I have been following your threads, and there are a lot of similarities with what I am going through (I just broke off with my ex, too). I am just amazed how strong you are and able to come to some closure and understanding. I am working toward coming to some type of closure, but it has been very hard.
I know living alone can be lonely, for me this board has been a great help in those times
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
Originally Posted by carolineb
Your xabf's comments about getting his act together and the reasons why he can do it now are so typical and predictable. Alcoholics all sing the same song. When the relationship is over, God forbid they take any responsibility for it's demise. But, hey, NOW that it is over, I'm doing great and it was actually the relationship/you that kept me from doing my best.
Be gentle with yourself. You are decompressing from a very intense situation. Also, you are grieving. My hugs, prayer and support are with you. I hope you will focus on your own wellness through this difficult time.
You are doing "the work" as we say in 12step programs....This pain and hard work is the very reason why so many codie's never leave or change...and if we do...sometimes it takes years...Kinda like when an alcoholic gets sober....without the "relationship" you have to focus on "life" and for some of us codie's....that is a very difficult transition. Hang in there! It will get better but it will take time. Way to go on making hard choices for your health and well being! Your strength is showing!
I agree that overall....you are doing very well!
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PLACE!!!!!! Have fun setting it up!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Back South where I belong!
Posts: 210
Hi, D! I'm right with you - feeling the pain and wondering when I'll move past it. Might be getting a tad easier. I was with stbxah yesterday and really lost it - he was floored - doesn't understand the concept of feeling it and letting it go, so he bottles it all up. Seems like that isn't good to me, better to let it flow and start to heal.
Have been thinking alot about that gut stuff, too - I knew, I knew, I knew, very early on, and just couldn't act on it. Will pay more attention in the future.
And, I am looking forward to getting my own little place far, far away from this crazy town and the crazy family that brought me up here. Teeny tiny with a little yard! Will be house hunting next week.
Thanks for your post, Designer. You sound like you are doing great and you are an inspiration to me to keep putting one foot in front of the other! R.
Have been thinking alot about that gut stuff, too - I knew, I knew, I knew, very early on, and just couldn't act on it. Will pay more attention in the future.
And, I am looking forward to getting my own little place far, far away from this crazy town and the crazy family that brought me up here. Teeny tiny with a little yard! Will be house hunting next week.
Thanks for your post, Designer. You sound like you are doing great and you are an inspiration to me to keep putting one foot in front of the other! R.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 261
Thank you everyone for the encouragement. I do feel pretty strong right now and it is different from last time we broke up. Last time I beat myself up so bad and last time I also heard from him how well he was doing. I know that he misses me and though he won't admit it fully I know that he knows he is the one that messed this up for us.
I listen to the things he is telling me and let it go in one ear and out the other. I have heard all these ambitions before and they never came true and they may not come true this time either. I think of it in my terms like starting a new diet or excercise routine. At first I am so excited and have all these great ambitions and I do so well b/c it is all a new start and then life takes over and I find myself sitting on the couch with a pint of ice cream!!! LOL
I do hope that he gets his life together even if I am not in it. I think that if he finally starts to experience some other things in his life he is going to one day look back on our relationship and really realize that he had a really great girl in his life. Right now his mind is so clouded with alcohol that he can not see that. I feel sorry for him more then anything. This life is so beautiful and there are so many things that can be done in this life and he is wasting it by abusing alcohol.
Like i said before it has only been like 2 weeks since he has lived in his new place and has new roommates. Eventually he is going to get into a routine and his friends won't seem so cool to be around anymore and eventually he will find himself at the bottle again. He has even said something along that line. He does not truly believe in himself and his abilities. He knows that he has tried all these same things in the past and has always failed. Why has he failed??? It is called a bottle of vodka and some beer. Untill the day he decides to really give that up his life will go nowhere.
The thing that keeps me going is that I no longer have to deal with alcoholism. I no longer have to deal with:
Wondering if he is going to bring a bottle of vodka home after work
Wondering if he is going to come home or stay out all night
Worrying abut him drinking and driving(this was a huge one)
Waking up in the morning to find him still wasted on the couch
Going to work tired and with red eyes from crying because he broke a promise to me and stayed out all night and I had no idea where he was(turned his phone off)
Looking for signs that he has been drinking
The lies of "no I have not had anything to drink" when I know for sure that he has.
Wondering if I could have a good life with someone that is so addicted to alcohol
Making excuses for him and lying about why he is still not working at a certain job to friends and family
going to to bed happy because he is doing so good and is being such a great boyfriend only to wake up to him at 4 am wasted and barely able to walk to the bathroom
The list could go on and on. I made myself a list of all the times that he made me cry or upset and I had 4.5 pages and I am sure that I did not remember everything that he has done in the past 4 years. I don't think that he really ever intended to hurt me in those times and I realize now that he is just sick with a disease that has a tight hold on him and won't let him go.
All that i have left to do is pray for him. Pray that one day he will open his eyes and see the destruction that he has caused and pray that he will one day really find peace in his life.
I listen to the things he is telling me and let it go in one ear and out the other. I have heard all these ambitions before and they never came true and they may not come true this time either. I think of it in my terms like starting a new diet or excercise routine. At first I am so excited and have all these great ambitions and I do so well b/c it is all a new start and then life takes over and I find myself sitting on the couch with a pint of ice cream!!! LOL
I do hope that he gets his life together even if I am not in it. I think that if he finally starts to experience some other things in his life he is going to one day look back on our relationship and really realize that he had a really great girl in his life. Right now his mind is so clouded with alcohol that he can not see that. I feel sorry for him more then anything. This life is so beautiful and there are so many things that can be done in this life and he is wasting it by abusing alcohol.
Like i said before it has only been like 2 weeks since he has lived in his new place and has new roommates. Eventually he is going to get into a routine and his friends won't seem so cool to be around anymore and eventually he will find himself at the bottle again. He has even said something along that line. He does not truly believe in himself and his abilities. He knows that he has tried all these same things in the past and has always failed. Why has he failed??? It is called a bottle of vodka and some beer. Untill the day he decides to really give that up his life will go nowhere.
The thing that keeps me going is that I no longer have to deal with alcoholism. I no longer have to deal with:
Wondering if he is going to bring a bottle of vodka home after work
Wondering if he is going to come home or stay out all night
Worrying abut him drinking and driving(this was a huge one)
Waking up in the morning to find him still wasted on the couch
Going to work tired and with red eyes from crying because he broke a promise to me and stayed out all night and I had no idea where he was(turned his phone off)
Looking for signs that he has been drinking
The lies of "no I have not had anything to drink" when I know for sure that he has.
Wondering if I could have a good life with someone that is so addicted to alcohol
Making excuses for him and lying about why he is still not working at a certain job to friends and family
going to to bed happy because he is doing so good and is being such a great boyfriend only to wake up to him at 4 am wasted and barely able to walk to the bathroom
The list could go on and on. I made myself a list of all the times that he made me cry or upset and I had 4.5 pages and I am sure that I did not remember everything that he has done in the past 4 years. I don't think that he really ever intended to hurt me in those times and I realize now that he is just sick with a disease that has a tight hold on him and won't let him go.
All that i have left to do is pray for him. Pray that one day he will open his eyes and see the destruction that he has caused and pray that he will one day really find peace in his life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: California
Posts: 112
Designer....
....and say that prayer for him every night. 'I pray that (name) gets the help that he needs and finds peace within himself'
....and then let it go. That's all you can do. Say a prayer, let go....and then begin getting on with your life. Hard, but doable.
....and yes, I do believe that someday or perhaps now...he knows within his heart that you were good for him. The problem is, they're alcoholism gets in the way of anything good. The need to hang on to that addiciton and deny it or conceal it is one of desperation. So much desperation that unbeknownst to them they will do anything to keep it going because giving it up is a very scary and lonely prospect.
....and why wait to see if that happens? It might never happen.....he will either die sober and recovered....or die with a wet brain.
Continue to detach. The ONLY call or contact you want to ever have and which would be healthy....is from a man who is making contact to tell you that he's in recovery and is thanking you for setting boundaries. A healthy person does NOT call to gloat and does not call with 'drama'. If contact involves either of those things, then he is NOT in recovery. One of the biggest things that has to go in recovery is the alcoholic's ego. A person who is in a healthy recovery is also putting their once enormous ego in check.
Respect yourself and know that what you got out of this relationship is a clear view of what you want and what you don't want in a partner. That in and of itself may not seem like much....but ultimately could save you from making a poor choice in a partner.
Being married and feeling alone.....everyday is the same. Being single and feeling lonely....everyday is a new possibility.
Hang in there, you're doing great.
....and say that prayer for him every night. 'I pray that (name) gets the help that he needs and finds peace within himself'
....and then let it go. That's all you can do. Say a prayer, let go....and then begin getting on with your life. Hard, but doable.
....and yes, I do believe that someday or perhaps now...he knows within his heart that you were good for him. The problem is, they're alcoholism gets in the way of anything good. The need to hang on to that addiciton and deny it or conceal it is one of desperation. So much desperation that unbeknownst to them they will do anything to keep it going because giving it up is a very scary and lonely prospect.
....and why wait to see if that happens? It might never happen.....he will either die sober and recovered....or die with a wet brain.
Continue to detach. The ONLY call or contact you want to ever have and which would be healthy....is from a man who is making contact to tell you that he's in recovery and is thanking you for setting boundaries. A healthy person does NOT call to gloat and does not call with 'drama'. If contact involves either of those things, then he is NOT in recovery. One of the biggest things that has to go in recovery is the alcoholic's ego. A person who is in a healthy recovery is also putting their once enormous ego in check.
Respect yourself and know that what you got out of this relationship is a clear view of what you want and what you don't want in a partner. That in and of itself may not seem like much....but ultimately could save you from making a poor choice in a partner.
Being married and feeling alone.....everyday is the same. Being single and feeling lonely....everyday is a new possibility.
Hang in there, you're doing great.
Last edited by carolineb; 03-15-2008 at 01:32 PM.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 410
Originally Posted by carolineb
Designer~
Sounds like overall....you are doing great.
Your xabf's comments about getting his act together and the reasons why he can do it now are so typical and predictable. Alcoholics all sing the same song. When the relationship is over, God forbid they take any responsibility for it's demise. But, hey, NOW that it is over, I'm doing great and it was actually the relationship/you that kept me from doing my best.
Seriously, it wears me out. Blah, blah, blah.
The good news is that the world awaits you. Loneliness is normal. Missing him is normal. All of these things will get better with time and the relationship itself and it's problems will all become clear and you will slowly realize how much better off you are.
Let life come to you and you will chase nothing. Keep up the good work. Green lights to you.
Sounds like overall....you are doing great.
Your xabf's comments about getting his act together and the reasons why he can do it now are so typical and predictable. Alcoholics all sing the same song. When the relationship is over, God forbid they take any responsibility for it's demise. But, hey, NOW that it is over, I'm doing great and it was actually the relationship/you that kept me from doing my best.
Seriously, it wears me out. Blah, blah, blah.
The good news is that the world awaits you. Loneliness is normal. Missing him is normal. All of these things will get better with time and the relationship itself and it's problems will all become clear and you will slowly realize how much better off you are.
Let life come to you and you will chase nothing. Keep up the good work. Green lights to you.
MOREOVER - you are worth a decent partner that has his act together and wants to work together with you to build a happy life! I mean seriously, Were you going on and on to your axb about how great and wonderful your life & prospects are now that you left him? I'll bet you weren't, I'll bet you were being somewhat polite and kind listening to him blather INSENSITIVELY on. I know he is sick and hurting in his own way, but really what he's saying, sorry a great gal like you wasn't enough to motivate me to woo you nicely and spur me on to be a better man. Sorry to get all 'Dr.Laura' here but you sound like a sweet person and you deserve better, hon! Don't settle.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
Congratulations on your new place! I went through all of the same feelings when I moved into my apartment, too. Thanks for sharing the list of reasons why I am also glad I'm living alone and have the freedom to choose what's best for me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 261
I know he is sick and hurting in his own way, but really what he's saying, sorry a great gal like you wasn't enough to motivate me to woo you nicely and spur me on to be a better man
He will soon fail....I am almost certain of that. Right now what he is doing is controlling his drinking b/c he has new people in his life. He does not want the new people that he is living with to really see what he really is. He controlled his drinking many times in our relationship(ha when we first got back together) and had tons of moments of pure ambition. The thing about that is that it only lasted for a few months and he was drinking heavily again and depressed once again. It is never ending unitll he gets rid of the drink.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
