2 Alcoholics Driving Me Nuts From a Distance

Old 03-12-2008, 02:47 AM
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2 Alcoholics Driving Me Nuts From a Distance

My alcoholic ex is calling and leaving messages about how irresponsible it was for me just to pack up and leave him at my mom's apartment (he said he was leaving me that day, so I was very happy, and told him to get his own ride). He hit me the night before, may have fractured my tail bone (lots of bruising). My alcoholic mother is in rehab for her prosthetic leg. She doesn't care about herself, all she cares about is that I am there to buy her booze, drive her around (not usually, she's too depressed to get out the house), wipe her a&& when she has diarreah (not kidding), wash those butt blasted clothes, and all the rest of her clothes, go shopping for her, cook dinner when she feels like eating instead of drinking, give her a sponge bath, and wash her hair, empty her pee/poo poo pot (comode) that she uses during the night, each morning (I gag and have all I can do not to vomit), clean for her, when she feels like watching me clean (she usually tells me not to bother when I ask, then crabs at me because the apartment is messy, I do her dishes, cook her meals when she decides to eat more than vodka/soda, yogurt and canned fruit. Drive all over hell and creation to find magazines for her, go to Market Basket to do her shopping, then she'll forget something and I'll have to go back. I begged her to make a long list so I don't have to be up her butt every minute of every day. I have to change her bandages on her leg ulcers. I have to help her get her prosthetic on (its been over 6 months, she should be walking on a cain by now (at least that's what the doctor and her therapist/nurses say. She won't. She is on that damn walker, and she gets so drunk she falls down, and ended up back in rehab at a nursing home to learn how to walk on "you guessed it" a cain! Lots of people have partial leg amputations (below the knee) and I am not saying its easy by any means, but she doesn't even try. She kicked out her home-visiting therapist, her nurses from the visiting nurses (they could have bathed her, and helped her with her ulcers, not me, I am NOT qualified!) She didn't want a counselor for alcoholism, or for depression, and didn't want a home-maker from the VNA that would come in and (take the burden off of me, I have a family) do her laundry, dishes, shopping, cleaning, and meal prep all at NO COST TO HER!!!! I ran away cuz my tail bone was fractured, I could hardly walk, my legs were swollen from a medication allergie, and my doctor said I needed 7 days of bed rest, but my mom said I did not, I was over exaggerating my pain, and I should just learn to live with it, she is the poor little victim, I am the horrible theif of a daughter, that had to use her ATM card for gas for her car, and to fix her car for 700 dollars so I could drive it to do her errands, she was looking at ther bill and said that I didn't ask her for the money, she says she would have made me walk all over town and carry the groceries and laundry by hand (BTW, I have SEVERE spinal stenosis, 3 herniated disks in my back, severe arthritis of the facet joints in my spine, a busted knee cap (needs to be repaired), achilles tendonitis in my left ankle, a poorly taken care of fractured right ankle (from years ago) but I still get pain and swelling in it as it was never set and pinned like it should have been. So I'm a bit slow. My ex-roomie/bf alcoholic a&&whole says that I am a CUNextTuesday, B!+ch, and a childish person that doesn't act 31, and he kicked me in the back, helping to fracture my tailbone, and missalign my right hip (which I just had put back by my Chiropractor not too long ago. So I RAN, and I RAN fast. I have been away from those people for weeks now! I am with my REAL boyfriend (someone I should have stayed with, but left him because of distance 1.5 hours away, in another state, I felt I could not move because of my son and my mother, and at the time, my good paying job. Well I have my son's blessing, as long as I rescue him from borring gooner land at least twice a month if not more, he loves BOSTON, and loves my real boyfriend (whom I dated for 3 years, before leaving him for 2. He took me back and I am so very damn glad! He is WONDERFUL! I should have moved down there years ago and none of this would have happened. Oh hind site is always 20/20! Well, here I am now and I could not be happier here!

Any advice on what I should say to my alcoholic ex bf/roomie about storage (I want my stuff, I don't want him to keep it at his new apartment thinking I'm coming back to him, and I don't want him to sell it. I want to pick my stuff up. So I am having a hard time paying the 40 dollars I owe for my half, so I was going to ask him to cover me, and I'll mail him the money once I get paid for a computer project I am doing in Cambridge. I also will tell him to bring Gizmo (our chinchilla) to the humane society or a local elementary/middle school. Gizmo was by birthday gift almost 2 years ago from my AB/Roomie, but he always told me that if I left him he would keep Gizmo or find a home for him, I could not have him. So I will stick by his word and pass the buck on to him (he actually bought the damn thing!). I loved Gizmo but have no place for him where I am staying now.

Any advice? Am I being a child? Or am I taking care of myself and learning to love myself because I just felt so overwhelmed taking care of such demanding people who picked at my every move, and he even hit me and called me horrible names. My mom called me names too and told me to toughen up and live with the pain, and that I should not have pain medication, its a mask and I should suffer like her. I can't do that! She's NUTS! Feedback please! I want to sleep sometime this morning, I need to know that I am not a horrible person. Thanks.

Love

Jaz
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Old 03-12-2008, 07:29 AM
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Sorry post was so long and I just rambled on and on. Sleep deprivation will do that to ya! I am still awaiting any feedback, whether its positive or negative. Even if you agree with my mom and ex alcoholic roomie/bf, just let me know. Any feedback is better than no feedback! Thanks.

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Old 03-12-2008, 08:35 AM
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I would borrow the money from someone to pay the storage fees rather than expect your BF to cover you. Why would he have any motivation to do that for you?

Separating yourself from the madness you describe sounds like a healthy decision overall. They are adults capable of taking care of themselves.
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Old 03-12-2008, 12:20 PM
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Thanks Barbara 52! That sounds great! I have been beating myself up and worrying about how they feel about me. Do they hate me, do other people think I am a bad person??? I can get money for storage soon due to a temp job project I will finish soon and some more cash, I am almost done, so I should have enough to at least pay storage and mabey pay for next month too. So that burden can be lifted.

I still worry about leaving my disabled mother behind (she should be at least walking with a cane by now, but I don't think she is, she keeps setting herself back). Getting drunk when you know you cannot walk well and have bad balance to begin with is NOT a good idea!

I also worry about calling my ex. I have avoided him for 4 weeks, but a few friends of mine tell me I should pick a date to meet him at storage so he can get his stuff in one truck and my stuff will go in my dad's truck so I don't lose anything valuable. I cannot trust him anymore. He thinks I am a horrible person, and that I act like a little kid, since I have been away from him and my mother, NO ONE (including my live-in partner) has said anything negative about me (I am around a lot of people in the Boston area thay my partner knows and they like me). Also I NEVER fight with the person I am living with now (I was with him for 3 years before and we NEVER faught then either, I left him due to the long distance relationship, demands from my mother, wanted to live near my son, and also I have a bad back and I felt like a burden on him. He says I was NEVER a burden, and was sad when I left him. He is glad I am back and we get along sooooo well! The best person I have ever been with! Kind, sharing, compasionate, loving, and best of all, he loves himself and therefore he can love me and he also loves my son. He has helped me lose weight (20lbs in 1 month), feel more empowered, and has screened my calls and told those 2 alcoholics that I am either not there, or that I am unwilling to speak to them right now (which is true). I have to face the music and call him just to go over some small busines with storage and a pet we had together.

Thanks again;

Jaz
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Old 03-12-2008, 12:45 PM
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It all sounds very reasonable to me.
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Old 03-12-2008, 01:06 PM
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Depending on what things you are storing, are they worth getting back if you have to make contact with your ex?

This man assaulted you, I hope you will take proper steps to protect yourself and arrange to have a police officer present if/when you go get your things.

I'm glad that things are so much better for you now.
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Old 03-12-2008, 04:19 PM
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I would borrow the 40 bucks and pay the exbf and take your real bf with you to go get your belongings....now that sounds like a plan OR take dad with you. Don't go alone under any circumstances you know the number ex's like to play on us.

You have been to heck and back and don't feel bad about dear old mom.....she grew it she can chew it.....its time she grew up. she can walk if she wants to she's just playing you sweetie.
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Old 03-15-2008, 07:10 PM
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Thanks! I feel so much better reading posts from everyone. I don't want to mess with my ex, he's a nut. I spoke on the phone with him a few days ago and he wants me back and says "I'll quit drinking, I won't hurt you anymore, we can get married." NO THANKS!!! I'd rather gargle with razor blades. My son, and myself are much too important to put myself back in danger! I am free, and I am going to stay free!

Luv;

Jaz
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Old 03-15-2008, 08:05 PM
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Let me ask you this: does your mother have any sort of medical insurance that might cover part-time nursing care? Are there any other family members who can help care for her? I understand that we feel compelled to help ailing parents, but you're getting locked into codie overdrive by dealing with such insanity.

To be perfectly honest with you, I dropped out of my parents lives. My mother spent the last few years of her life in an assisted care home. I hadn't spoken to her for many years. She basically died from heart disease, but she was mentally ill too. My father married my stepmother after he had a near-fatal stroke. She took care of him until he died.

It may sound heartless and cruel, but I cut my losses years ago. I felt no attachment to the two people who gave me life. Why should I? Neither one of them were capable of anything vaguely resembling love for their only child. Sad, but true ...
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Old 03-15-2008, 09:44 PM
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I agree with Prodigal. You sound like a person who is lovely. You have done all you can do for your mother and Id keep well away from your ex. Yes is your stuff worth it - or can you get the police to go with you to claim it.

Dont worry about what they think about you because from what I can tell they already have told you. They have used and abused you and taken you for granted.

Hold your head high, claim respect and let them work their own problems out. If your mum gets in a too bad a state, she will get help. It was just easier for her to have you do it because it would have been too embarrassing for strangers to see her filth.

And If any bloke hit me, it would be the last time he saw his fist.
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