I need to learn how...

Old 03-10-2008, 12:58 PM
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I need to learn how...

Hello Again.

I've not been here lately, because I have been working on some things, but not too many. The wall is what I put up when I feel the need to self-protect!!!

Being the mom of an alcoholic son, and wife to a recovered alcoholic husband, revisiting this issue is causing me to feel a bit anxious, because it has been dormant inside me for quite a number of years as far as the memories go. This was a definitely hard time in my life many years ago, and coming back to this is a must for me, but also a very hard aspect of my life to come here and deal with. I use the color green, because as a believer in God and in His Christ, green represents a time of growth and this is what I want to do.

I want to learn how to become a better mom and love my son, in spite of his choices to drink. I do love him because he's my son, but find such a struggle in how I show this to him. I know he wants acceptance just like anyone, and as my son, I give him that acceptance "as my son." But his choices are not an acceptance in my life, when I know how depressed he's been and how the battles he faces are getting worse for him due to his alcohol.

I didn't think revisiting this was or could be so hard for me, but it is much worse than what I thought it would be for me. And...this is why I want help. I want to be able to overcome this for myself, despite his choices and negative actions sometimes whenever we do see him. So, I want to grow through suggestions, books, education, and any way that would be acceptable to me according to my faith. So, those who understand what I'm trying to do here, will understand how and why I come in this way for a hopefully good conclusion. I love my son, and will never stop loving him. I will continue to give him those motherly hugs and kisses when he comes to visit, a listening ear, advice if asked for, and to try and see his point of view as he sees it whether or not I agree with him.

Your input would be very much appreciated. Thanks to you all!!!

MssDgtr7
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Old 03-10-2008, 01:04 PM
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One book I recommend is Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. I have found it to be life changing.
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Old 03-10-2008, 10:19 PM
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Hello

Have you tried counseling or Al Anon?

He's lucky to have such a caring Mom
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Old 03-11-2008, 02:26 AM
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I need to learn how...

Hi again, and thank you both for your comments. I forgot to mention that my son lives away in another state, so we only see him now and then. As far as the book Boundaries, I do have that one, and could easily revisit it to use as a means of reeducating myself also having the workbook that goes along with this. Also, in the past and many years ago, I did try Al-Anon in person, but am looking for an online sight to go to which does exist. So, thank you for caring enough to mention that!

I want to apologize as far as not sharing what I should share to better clarify my current situation. My son is a 36 year old adult, so I forgot to make that clear and as I stated above, we only see him now and then and that alone is not very often. He's lives about 6 hours away from home.

I just want to change the way things have been as far as myself goes. I have not realized how freeing it can be to have online support until just last month when I found this site, and one other besides. I thank you so much for reaching out and will "try" if at all possible to keep you updated. I did handwrite a letter to him just last month, to let him know that while he is out of sight, he is never out of mind and that we love him very much. Thank you again for reaching out in my current distress, and I cannot imagine "not" caring as his mom.

MssDgtr7 :ghug
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