It's Sunday, AH Decided to Drink

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03-11-2008, 08:47 AM

# 21 (permalink)

Shivaya

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Join Date: Feb 2008

Location: California

Posts: 303

Quote:

Originally Posted by FormerDoormat

"He'll stop drinking this time; he's a changed man," he claims. And "the next time he drinks, I'm done," you claim. This is what I've dubbed the codie-alkie dance. When both of you mean what you say, things will change. Until then, the dance just continues.

You are so wise! Want to know something funny? My husband and I met at a club, and we danced all night long. We love to dance! I guess in more ways than one!

Thanks,
Shivaya

:bounce

03-11-2008, 10:20 AM

# 22 (permalink)

Shivaya

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Join Date: Feb 2008

Location: California

Posts: 303

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbara52

You are making great progress in defining what you want! That is not an easy task. Your line in the sand may change again and again depending on your growth and events that transpire. But that's fine as long as you believe you are making progress and you are content with your decisions. And it is a line in the sand, not in concrete.

Barb52, thank you, thank you. What you wrote means so much to me. I think I am making progress, I feel I am making progress, but it is always nice for an "outsider" to see this and point it out!

And thank you for pointing out that my "line in the sand" may and can change depending on events, etc. I hadn't even thought of that. I was kind of beating myself up for changing my boundaries, but as I learn more, I change more for the better, and "change" is necessary and good!

I feel enlightened today! Now I'm off to see my therapist!

Thanks All,

Shivaya

03-11-2008, 11:23 AM

# 23 (permalink)

imfree2bme

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Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 16

You are doing great!

Keep the focus on yourself. It isn't about him anymore. There has been enough time and energy wasted on him. What is he feeling? What is he doing? Does he mean it when he says he wants to get sober? Who cares?
Figure out what your boundaries are for today. If you are uncomfortable walk away. There doesn't have to be alot of drama. Actually, the less you say the better.

03-11-2008, 01:00 PM

# 24 (permalink)

hezzie

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Join Date: Jan 2007

Location: WV

Posts: 33

I think what is so cruel about the whole situation is that you do get your hopes up, you do enjoy knowing what your family could be like-if the alcohol was out of the picture and then there it is again. You end up feeling more deflated then before. At least that has been my experience.

I'm really sorry for you and your kids. And I'm really sorry for your AH that he doesn't realize that a "few beers" isn't a prize that he deserves for having a great family weekend.

03-11-2008, 02:23 PM

# 25 (permalink)

Shivaya

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Join Date: Feb 2008

Location: California

Posts: 303

Quote:

Originally Posted by hezzie

It is cruel and it is not enjoyable. However, I am learning to not "react" to his drinking (he's going to drink, this is clear). Rather, I am learning to "act". He picked up a beer, I walked away.

I can choose to act like a crazy woman and yell at him for drinking when he know's I can't stand it, or I can choose to walk away, and explain my feelings to him later when he asks "what's wrong?".

I do not feel "deflated" at all. I feel powerful, I feel in charge of ME and the type of person I want to be.

Thank you for your concerns and thoughts.

Shivaya

03-11-2008, 02:26 PM

# 26 (permalink)

spinner

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Join Date: Oct 2006

Location: Ontario

Posts: 85

My BF did not stop drinking until HE realized that if he kept on he would soon be dead. I guess he decided he didn't really want to die.

People can stop drinking but only when they understand what they are really doing to themselves.

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