ajangels2

Today has been an emotional day... well the past couple of months have been emotional. i've been reading lots of posts today and i realize lots of people have some of the same stuff going on in their lives.

I myself have not been handling things very well and I feel like I've let it get the better of me. My Ah relapsed a couple of weeks ago. Not sure if he's still drinking or using, but the behaviors have been terrible. I feel like I'm constantly in battle with an enemy. He doesn't feel like a friend anymore... I really think he hates me and has lost all love for me. I have gone through a great deal of his crap due to drinking and his immaturity. This doesn't say much about me and my self-esteem because I've allowed this in my life.

I'm in battle now because I stand up for myself and express how I feel, I try and detach but its tough right now. I leave when i can. i'm starting to wonder how i am enabling him to continue this behavior. i do attend regular Alanon meetings and am working the steps with a sponser. Right now i am very unhappy and feel I'm coming to terms that I need to do things that make me happy. He has given himself permission to do what he wants and me and the kids are rarely included in his fun... it's time for me to indulge myself a bit and have some fun.

thanks for listening.

Spiritual Seeker

You've learned: to change what we can, "ourselves"
It is hard not to, but we can't measure our happiness by how well our A is doing.
It is really all about carrying on, and living the life we deserve.
Go have some fun !!!

Kindeyes

I'm so sorry to hear of your ah's relapse. You are doing the things that you need to do for yourself. That's a good thing. We all have good days....and those bad days. I hope that tomorrow is a good day for you.

gentle hugs

cookconfay

Oh AJ.....I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I will pray for ya'll and keep you close in thought as I always do.....

I hope you do what YOU want to do and what YOU need to do for YOU and your kiddos. Take care of you and the one on the way! Stress is something no one needs all the time especially in your condition

Hugs to you!!!

Growing

I found I handled each crisis that came my way, much better, after I was in alanon. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself some credit for taking good care of you by getting yourself a program to focus on. Take it slow, enjoy the journey that is seperate from the chaos of addiction, as much as possible. Make sure you aren't trying to do too much or pushing yourself too hard. Take care of you. I hope you find your sponsor a source of understanding that is comforting.

Fun is a great thing to add back into your life! Fun is usually the first thing to go in the chaos of addiction.

really_fed_up

Thank you for this one, Kindeyes.

I found that trying to put normalcy back in to my life makes it easier, even if it's something as mundane as going to Target or painting my nails...

justjo

You sound like a very wonderful person. Target and painting your nails sounds good.


Heres a hug!
:ghug3