bewildered2

so my husband and I have been together for 10 years now...he has put me through everything imaginable...totalled a car, been 4 out of the 10 without a license due to the dwis, definite infidelity issues, MAJOR trust issues, amid a lot of other baggage...i have truly considered leaving him more times than i can count...i still have an escape plan--everything is mine...the car, the house, all in my name, i have been employed at the same place for 5 years making enough to take care of myself and my kids if i have to (which is really hard to accomplish in retail) i really think the only reason i didn't was codependency issues--it was almost easier to deal with the awful drunk than to try and SUCCESSFULLY get him to leave...i feared for my safety and the safety of my children because he was such an explosive drunk...and by that i mean i just knew he would break into my house while we were sleeping...break every window in the house if he had to in order to get in...i always knew he would never hurt the kids...i was just afraid of what he'd do to me...so anyway...i have tried to let these things go..it's not going so well...some days are better than others...but some days i just hate him for everything he's ever done to me...i let him take my control, my power, my confidence, my self worth, i let him walk all over me...now i have regained some of the things I lost to his alcoholism...in hindsight...without his alcoholism i don't think i would be nearly as strong and headstrong as I am...and without his alcoholism i don't think i would be nearly as self reliant as I am now...it sucks feeling like you can't depend on your partner in life and knowing deep down that you REALLY can't depend on him...but as weird as it sounds i wouldn't be the person I am (that i really like by the way) without HIS alcoholism...however i wish that it was never an issue for him...it unbelievably hard watching the person you love walk down a path of self destruction...knowing there's not much you can do if anything to help...i guess in a real strange way i'm grateful for his disease...is it just me..is that too weird?? and by the way--sorry to be so long winded...:bounce

Kindeyes

I understand what you are saying......I'm sure that this is a life lesson I could do without though.

gentle hugs

Barbara52

Excellent that you can see that you have benefitted in an odd way from all the madness! So many take a very long time to understand that we do get life lessons from all this that we may not have gottent otherwise. I know the same is true for me.

sketscher

I really know exactly what you mean. I feel grateful sometimes for struggles I have because without the struggle there is sometimes no incentive to change. This can apply to any problem one has.

The unfortunate thing about dealing with someone else addiction is that there is usually some other underlying issue that you're not dealing with that caused you to be attracted to an A in the first place. You're too busy being wrapped up in fear and merely surviving to even have time to explore your real issues. That's me anyway.