what a day!
 

today was suprisingly better...i'm back to being the best wife on the planet..we didn't argue or bicker once today...felt really nice...a little piece of normalcy amid all of the anger and resentment and confusion...how do you accept all of the horrible things they have done and turn the page...i guess i'm wondering how to let it all go...

I could only let it all go after I left my AH. I forgave him then too. But I have not forgotten what life was like living with that man.

I am wondering this too...Actually I am struggling with it...and this is why I think I need to move out and on with my life without him. We have been together a year, and yet I already have so many resentments...could only imagine what another 6 months would do to me..

if enough resentments build up, it will kill the love you feel for him.

but my resentments make me very sick so i have to work my own program to release them.

i try not to accept unacceptable behavior. but i can't change what has already happened. all i can do is my best with the tools i have a the time.

learning the facts about the disease of alcoholism has been really important to me. for example, that business of acting like nothing awful ever happened...that's classic alcoholic stuff. but there i am, never forgetting. very bad mix. every day i learn to keep the focus on myself and try to be the woman I want to be.

al-anon has been the key to any peace of mind i have.

I am working hard to let go of resentment. I think I'm getting there, but I'm feeling something else. Distance, mistrust, still confused and stunned, wondering who this person is - certainly not the man I married. Wondering how it all happened. Need to quit thinking about him so much and think about myself instead.

It is amazing how so much of what we all are going through is stereotypical behavior and rolls out the same way for each of us. Wish I had known about this place three years ago!