Husband wants to come home early from rehab
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 19
Husband wants to come home early from rehab
What a difficult day emotionally it was on me. My husband is in a 90 day program perhaps longer and he still has 1 1/2 months to go. He called me today and felt so strongly that he was ready and had the tools he needed and it was time for him to come home. It was hard to tell him no. It was so hard to tell him I would not pay for his ticket. I would not play the part that I always played it the past. I am saying farwell to that old way of thinking.
I am relieved that I listened to my intuition and did not falter. It was extremely difficult and very painful. but I had too.. I miss him so much and I know I made the right decision. I want to see him go all the way..
I have never been through this experience and it is new to me.
I am grateful that I found you guys so I can dish my raw emotions out on the keypad. It helps.
thanks for listening.
Avasmiles
I am relieved that I listened to my intuition and did not falter. It was extremely difficult and very painful. but I had too.. I miss him so much and I know I made the right decision. I want to see him go all the way..
I have never been through this experience and it is new to me.
I am grateful that I found you guys so I can dish my raw emotions out on the keypad. It helps.
thanks for listening.
Avasmiles
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Good for you! You are doing what you think is best for both of you and sticking to it. {hugs}
Its been my experience that people who leave any sort of a program early do not do as well as those who stay the scheduled time. There are never any guarantees no matter the length but working the whole program as designed works better I think.
Its been my experience that people who leave any sort of a program early do not do as well as those who stay the scheduled time. There are never any guarantees no matter the length but working the whole program as designed works better I think.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
My A son wanted to leave early from his treatment program too (but he didn't). My daughter's bf is in treatment as I write this. She mentioned that he's very ready to get out of there (he get's out on Wednesday). I think they all want out early at some point in time. They think the message is repetitive and boring. They think "they've got it".
You did the right thing. If he wants out, he needs to do it without an accomplice. If you helped him and he relapsed, he would say "It's your fault because YOU got me out of treatment." That's just the way an A thinks.
You did the right thing. If he wants out, he needs to do it without an accomplice. If you helped him and he relapsed, he would say "It's your fault because YOU got me out of treatment." That's just the way an A thinks.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 20
Avasmilles,
My brother is the executive director at a treatment center, (a miracle, considering he was a full blown alcoholic and drug addict for 11 years, who went to prison for robbing a drugstore, he has been sober for22 years, God is sooooooo good, he answered every prayer concerning my brother.) He has shared with me that people who do not complete the program relapse, period, literally 98% of the time, and I believe that is being generous. I am soooooooo proud of you for helping him, instead of hurting him, which you would have, had you paid for the ticket.Even with all of the help my brother has offered my sister, she has been in the program 3 times, BUT, she has never completed it ever, each time she finds someone to pay for her ticket, and now she has abandoned her children and doing worst than ever. We can pray all day long, but they still have free will, and can make the choice to stay out there and not get help. The good news here is that our family is now healthy, we no longer enable her in any way.Please let him know that not only will you not buy a ticket for him to leave, but that after he completed the program, you expect him to set up a support system for recovery when he gets out. Please set the boundaries before he comes home and say what you mean and mean what you say. Every time they go back, it is sooooo much worst than the last time, this is a fact. Go to alanon while he is gone and find out how to take care of you, no matter what he decides to do. Keep coming back here to post and let us know how you are doing. You absolutely did the right thing by not buying the ticket, and we are all so proud of you, it may be the difference between him getting it this time. Either way your decision was the most loving one you could have made, and you 100% did the right thing. Great job, stay strong!!!!!!!!!!!
My brother is the executive director at a treatment center, (a miracle, considering he was a full blown alcoholic and drug addict for 11 years, who went to prison for robbing a drugstore, he has been sober for22 years, God is sooooooo good, he answered every prayer concerning my brother.) He has shared with me that people who do not complete the program relapse, period, literally 98% of the time, and I believe that is being generous. I am soooooooo proud of you for helping him, instead of hurting him, which you would have, had you paid for the ticket.Even with all of the help my brother has offered my sister, she has been in the program 3 times, BUT, she has never completed it ever, each time she finds someone to pay for her ticket, and now she has abandoned her children and doing worst than ever. We can pray all day long, but they still have free will, and can make the choice to stay out there and not get help. The good news here is that our family is now healthy, we no longer enable her in any way.Please let him know that not only will you not buy a ticket for him to leave, but that after he completed the program, you expect him to set up a support system for recovery when he gets out. Please set the boundaries before he comes home and say what you mean and mean what you say. Every time they go back, it is sooooo much worst than the last time, this is a fact. Go to alanon while he is gone and find out how to take care of you, no matter what he decides to do. Keep coming back here to post and let us know how you are doing. You absolutely did the right thing by not buying the ticket, and we are all so proud of you, it may be the difference between him getting it this time. Either way your decision was the most loving one you could have made, and you 100% did the right thing. Great job, stay strong!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: St. Petersburg, Florida
Posts: 684
Avasmiles,
Good for you for following your instincts and boundaries. My husband did leave rehab early and I felt I had no choice at the time but to accept him back home. I tried setting the boundaries of what would be expected at home but slowly those things fell by the way side. My AH had 10 months of sobriety but was miserable for about 6 of those months and relapsed this past month. I'm not sure if he's still drinking or using or both, I try and stay focused on myself... it's not easy. Good luck to you and your AH.
AJ
Good for you for following your instincts and boundaries. My husband did leave rehab early and I felt I had no choice at the time but to accept him back home. I tried setting the boundaries of what would be expected at home but slowly those things fell by the way side. My AH had 10 months of sobriety but was miserable for about 6 of those months and relapsed this past month. I'm not sure if he's still drinking or using or both, I try and stay focused on myself... it's not easy. Good luck to you and your AH.
AJ
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 59
Yes! So good for you. Its soo important that he finish. Listen if he feels he has the tools now he'll be especially reassured that he'll have the tools for going through the entire program. Hey my wife came out of rehab after a month and she definitely does not have the tools and I feel like could use a longer stay. Stand strong!!
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