Today the sadness has grabbed me
 

My AH seems to be going downhill and I feel incredible sadness at the road that is likely in front of him. Unless he manages to get his act together, our house is going to go into foreclosure and he will end up on the streets. It is such a waste! He is becoming even less responsible and more erratic in his behavior.

I know there is nothing I can do about his choices and I don't have any urge to either. If anything my urge is to detach totally from the process of trying to fix up the house and working with the mortgage company, and let AH bear full responsibility for whatever happens. He doesn't grasp how close to losing everything he truly is.

I don't care that I may lose the equity in the house and end up with a black mark on my credit history. I not happy about it but its unimportant really. My life will continue to go in the direction I want it to go. I will continue my road to recovery and self understanding. I can recover from the blot on my credit record. I've learned that all that "stuff" is just not important to who I am, where I'm going and the quality of my life.

((((((((((Barbara)))))))))))

Your story is sad. This disease is incredibly sad...but I think that you're so very strong and on the right road. I commend you for that!:)

Sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. Stay strong!
:Val004:

Barbara, I am sorry to hear about your AH, that is so sad....but I really appreciate the shining example you set with your recovery...:hug:

Thanks you guys. I will indeed stay strong. Its who I am. And the sadness will go back to a manageable level. But for tonite, I will let myself feel it fully.

oh you are wise.

i really needed to read this. thank you.

feeling my feelings is so important to my recovery. if i try to deny my sadness or anger or despair, i will act out in other ways. if i let myself feel, it will pass. the next feeling will come and it will pass, too.

it is so sad what this lousy disease does to lives. i am feeling a lot of sadness today myself for the sober A in my life who is showing all of the "ism" without the drinking. it's destructive.

i am so grateful to be able to share with others. this is such a lifeline between meetings!

Sad Sunday here as well. I'm also puttering around the house (empty but for me and the animals) getting it ready to sell. Why couldn't he just stop? I really hoped we would be together here for a long time. Guess maybe the house is a really big metaphor for the marriage. That might be triggering it for me.

We will get through this. Everyone says there are better days around the corner. Remember it is just a feeling. I was sure feeling it today as well but will be better tomorrow.

Your words are helpful to me right now

Solidarity in going through hurt? I don't know but your resolve as hard as things are and how much they hurt is the right one.
When I was feeling down I saw your words and it helped remind me of my resolve, so thank you Barbara 52

V

One reason I posted vrb was that I need the support I know I will find in here. Another is a hope that my words can help someone else as I have found help from similar words from many others in here. A few short months ago, I was incapable of dealing with this situation the way I am. My time in here as helped me understand and grow.

I know what it's like to watch someone you love fall into the abyss of alcoholism. It hurts like hell. I, too, used to worry that Richard would become homeless but he managed to keep a roof over his head until his death.

As his behavior became more erratic and his health problems mounted, I found that the less I knew about his life the better it was for me. Let the house go, let what remains of your husband go, feel the pain and then let it go, too.

Happiness is there for the taking. That meant I had to leave Richard behind to fend for himself. These days, not much sorrow remains. I'm at peace now.

(((Barbara))) Sorry you are hurting;thanks for all you do here. You DO help! :)

I have moments of sadness, too; not often but when I do, I feel them and then move on.

(((barb)))

(((Barb)))
I am sitting here thinking to myself first, what a waste and second, there but for the grace of god go I.

((Barb))

I try to remember without sadness I wouldn't know joy and peace either.
Thinking of you!

Hugs to you (((((((((Barbara52)))))))))))
We detach and move in a new direction toward our own recovery. But some days we still have residual sadness; It is painful for us to see our loved one suffer. There's not much sadder than watching someone self-destruct.
I'm sure you mourn the loss of the man he once was and the marriage you thought you'd have. You have a lot of memories with him.
You sound fantastic, given your situation. You are making the best out of the one life you have. You are moving in a direction that can be wonderful.
Having a bad credit score is better than having a bad life.

I too am going through a financial mess created by my x.
Life does go on. I found that while building myself back up is frustrating as heck, the peace I have by not living in that situation any more makes it all worth while.

I learned a very hard lesson.
Could you get into forclosure counseling? You never know what help might be available to you.

I've already gottent he mortgage company to agree to a short sale. But they will not be endlessly patient about the house not being on the market yet or with it being on the market in the condition it currently is in. I will continue to work toward getting the painting and cleaning and such done. But AH is living there in a big ol' cluttered, stinky mess.

I'm sorry, Barbara. That sounds very painful, and such a waste. You aren't living there, I take it?

My grandmother didn't give me a lot of advice, but she said, "Always make a nice bed for yourself." I've tried to, and I think it's made my life a lot better. At least I usually sleep OK!

((((((Barbara))))))

Thinking of you today...do something nice for yourself in the midst of this.

Thinking of you.. hope today is a little brighter

shakarris