Call to ABrother
 

I received an email last night from my AB. It said for me to call him, he didn't want anything, just to talk. I responded that I'd call him today on my lunch hour. He works nights and gets up at noon. Well, I called 3 times during my lunch hour, and left messages, he didn't answer. On my 3 o'clock break, I called and he answered 'I'm here.' I could tell he just got up. The whole conversation was about how broke he was, he didn't make enough money, he wasn't getting a tax refund this year, his utilities was too high, he might have to move, it didn't pay him to work. (He makes good money and has a lot of overtime.) I just listened and didn't respond. Finally I told him that I had to get back to work.
I know he thinks I don't care, I do care. I just can't help him anymore..there's no end to it..depressing.

Your brother sounds very much like my brother, although mine doesn't work much these days, he has his own business and used to do very well.
He calls me when he feells like it and just launches into talking about how hard things are for him, how everyone is against him, how the whole world is designed to get him down even. I used to respond and try to talk to him, explain how things aren't really how he sees them, but fortunately I learned not to, if I have time I just let him ramble on, other times I tell him I'm busy and can't talk. One time I told him if he decided he really wanted to stop drinking and rejoin real life I'd back him all the way and be there for him as far as I could, and now I always end the conversation with ' you know where I am if you really need me' not for his sake really but for mine. I don't feel guilty any more about not talking sometimes, I know I've told him I'm here and I care. And I don't dread the phone ringing like I used to.
That probably doesn't help you much, but I just wanted to say you're not on your own. I know how you feel. It was difficult at first for me to more or less say 'look sorry but I have something more important that needs my attention' but it's the truth, I have me and my family and I have to look after us first.
Don't beat yourself up over his call, he knows you're there and that you do care.

Tstorm - it amazes me how similar many of our situations can be! (((Hang in there))) :)

congrats!
 

splashylanding - oh my.....I can so relate to you and your situation.

tstorm - I think the A's in our life want us to be cheerleaders for them. Tell them everything will be ok......and if you do "this" that won't be a problem for you anymore...etc etc etc. They drain us of our energy. They drain us of our hope. They drain some of us of our money. It's exhausting. And as long as we keep doing those things.....they'll continue to use us up. I think you handled the call so very well. Good job!!!!! You're awesome!

Thanks all. You are reenforcing my thoughts that I'm doing the right thing with him. (for once.)

Another email I received last night from AB. Told me because he might be going away (to prison) he'd like to spend some time with me. He didn't want to talk about the problems, troubles, or money. We just went through this, when he asked me to call him this week. As I posted earlier, it was all about money. I'm suspicious of him & I feel guilty for thinking that way. I emailed back and asked when. No response yet. He works a lot of weekends, so may be working today.
Why is it that nothing is ever his fault? It's not his fault that he's constantly in trouble with the law, not his fault that one of his girlfriends got pregnant, not his fault he's broke. Several times I tried to point out to him that all the times he was in trouble, he was drunk. He told me drinking had nothing to do with it. I told him, isn't that a big coincedence? It changes your thinking?
Boy, does it ever change HIS thinking! He's not the same brother I know when he's drinking. It brings a bad side out in him.
I will go meet him...but I know what he's going to do. I hate to think about him that way..I love him. But I'm not giving in!