tryingtofly

In reading Codependent no more, I was reading a bit on Anger. I never got angry with my husband for slamming me into walls, breaking my laptop, ripping my jacket, talking down to me etc. I woke up the next morning feeling bad for him, I wondered what I could do to make it easier on him, I wondered if he was ok, where he was going to sleep, what he was going to eat, was he going to have enough clothes with what his friend picked up, would he be ok? will there be someone there to support him.....I never got angry.
Will I ever get angry or is this something I'll get over? Is this normal? Shouldn't I be mad at him for what he did to me (even if it was two months ago)
I know this is all the codie in me talking and that I need to keep reading to find the answers, I just needed to get this out

grateful2b

Hi Tryingtofly, I have really been enjoying your posts... I feel that All of our emotions should be honored...in your recovery, getting in touch with your anger is essential as you journey toward healing...don't be afraid to visit these feelings and know that it your right and and important. most codie women, were taught that good girls don't get angry, aren't supposed to,... stuff it down, your feelings aren't important...etc, etc... I believe that our emotions are a lifeline to follow in discovering who we truly are.

Cynay

Just maybe when you take the focus off him and put it on yourself .... well then the anger might follow hon.

Barbara52

Are you in individual therapy? You might find it very helpful to deal with the issues that led you to accept being an abused spouse. And to get out those emotions that you have suppressed.

hope2bhappy

I was in a dangerously abusive, alcoholic relationship many years ago (with a police officer). I was always too scared to be angry. Today... well... I'd like just 10 minutes in room alone with that b*stard.

Kindeyes

hugs. Here's a little validation. No one. No one deserves to be hit. Period. You have the right to be angry. But it's important to be SAFE. I would not suggest getting angry at him directly if it would bring more violence. Take care of YOU!

gentle hugs

tryingtofly

I'm glad you're enjoying them I have a feeling a repressed a lot of my anger when I was young because my mom's emotions were all over the place before she was diagnoised with ADD. It was just easier not to fight with her. I spoke with my husband about it a bit and he told me that whenever I got to the point where I did get angry, that it was ok with him, as long as I told him what I was getting mad about...not just flip out about dishes or something, which IMO is fair

tryingtofly

I have to admit, I read that and LAUGHED! You are so right.

tryingtofly

Barbara - no I'm not yet, but I'm calling on Thursday to make an appt. I was seeing one counsellor, but it just wasn't a good fit.

Hope2bhappy - I wish I could give it to you.

Kindeyes - you're right and I agree 100% with you. I actually called the cops the first time it happened (Christmas) and he wasn't allowed to live at home until today. If I thought for a second that it would happen again, I wouldn't have asked the courts to let him come home.

GiveLove

No offense intended but........did you think it would happen the first time?