The death of hope. Chapter closed.
 

My AH, living with his bro the past 2 months after three years of heavy binging, supposedly clean and sober since I kicked him out, doing the therapy, going to support group meetings, was in a car wreck last night. He is banged up but basically ok. However, in the hospital he admitted there were "probably" open bottles in his vehicle, that he had drank "a little" before he hit the road and that he has been drinking "a little" the whole time we have been estranged.

We were supposed to start couples therapy on Monday.

We don't know where his truck is, whether the people in the other vehicle were hurt, what he will be charged with. The police apparently did draw blood at the hospital and the discharge sheet lists alcohol intoxication as one of his conditions. I guess the police report will be available on Monday.

Unfortunately, he is on my couch eating chips at the moment because his brother was unable to come and get him and the hospital kicked him out. If someone doesn't come to get him soon, I am leaving until he is gone.

There you have it, my friends. Believe none of them. R.

Rosie,

I'm really sorry for your pain. I can certainly relate to the late admission of having a few drinks here and there when I thought mine was sober. It's really crushing.

:ghug3

I had just been praying for a sign - I think this qualifies!

The admission did it for me. When I first found out about his alcohlism the night I thought we were getting officially engaged, he promised he going into program. Two months later, I found out he was not in progam and still drinking. Another chance from me. Two months after that, still drinking "socially" and severe verbal abuse came. I left...but not for long. He had a meltdown and SWORE he was in for the long haul this time, attending AA meeting after AA meeting to get help. He told his family what had been going on for the first time. They called me and begged me to talk to him. He was a changed man! I went back. Five weeks later, off the program again and drinking with...HIS FAMILY. He admits he's an A, but alcoholism is a "choice." He is now a "social" drinker with strict rules. I am now single : )

I read your story, and it reminded me of something I posted in the spirituality forum.
I do not know if you are spiritual or not.
But, I do know there is always hope. Sometimes, the fear seems to cloud it out. But, it's there. Always.

When a door shuts, a window is opened.
Good luck to you, my friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I understand... :hug:

Shalom!

I know there is hope for my tomorrow. But the slim sliver of hope I was hanging onto for the marriage is gone, gone, gone. I just don't even know this guy. My husband, the one I married, would never drive around drunk, wouldn't lie, wouldn't sneak around. This person on my couch at the moment does all that stuff, all the time now, and could now be in some pretty deep s**t because of it.

Make a list, call the realtor, call the movers, figure out the next steps - that's what I have to do now. Any ambiguity has evaporated. But first I have to get the sob off my couch!

:ghug3

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry for your pain, hang in there and make sure your "list" is what you want, go to allanon and speak with some people make sure, you have all the information You need. Do not just rush into the list. K?
Hope he gets off the couch soon.:ghug

:c020:

How sad. Sorry.

I'm so sorry. Each of us has a limit to what we will endure. And for most of us here, our limits have been very generous to the A's in our lives. The future is where your hope lies.
gentle hugs to you during your difficult transition

If this chapter is officially closed....I know the next chapter will be better than the last...good luck to you being the author of the next chapter.

(((rosie)))

Care and prayers sent your way....

I am sorry this happened to you. We do have the highest hopes for them, but they let us down every single time.
I don't know that marriage counseling does any good if one is an alcoholic and not recovering.
You've read the book and closed the last chapter. Time to pick up a new book! One that is filled with life, love, peace, joy and happiness.

:ghug3

A therapist once told me that the only way to solve an alcoholic marriage was divorce. This was not the path that I chose, but I understand why it is the path that you have chosen. I wish you continued strength to do what you feel you have to do.

I'm sorry your going through this. I cannot count how many times my children and I were promised the drinking was over.Thank God it's over for my kids and I,he is still out there trying to find his way..............

Thanks, everyone. He is so pathetic, can barely move, but says things like "We don't know what caused the wreck and maybe drinking had nothing to do with it." Does he not understand? There were open bottles in his truck. He drank before he got on the road. Who does that? Swig from a bottle you have stashed in your truck before you drive home on icy roads? He was supposed to be clean and sober. He's lied to me about this issue so many times I literally can't keep track.

We were so happy once. He told me yesterday he never would have believed, fifteen years ago, that this is what he would be now. So he's not entirely delusional.

I guess we will find out tomorrow if he will be charged with anything. Would they have arrested him at the hospital if he was being charged with DUI? I don't know the results of the blood alcohol test. Maybe we'll find that out tomorrow as well. Not sure how all that works, maybe some of you all have had experience with that and would share.

His phone was in the truck, so were his keys, and the police have his license, not that he would be able to drive with a cast on his right foot anyway.

I felt like I was making some good progress but this has brought all the hurt right back into my life and I feel like I'm falling apart.

Ha! I just realized I wrote "Maybe some of you all have had experience" with DUIs, etc. I'd say it's a pretty sure thing you all have had experience with that stuff! What an understatement!

This has nothing at all to do with your own personal progress. It is a situation that you are seeing very clearly for what it is. No progress would mean doing for him what he needs to do for himself right now. You are in shock. It isn't the first time one of us believed the lies. But you are shocked awake...again. None of us gets it the first time or we wouldn't be here. Don't be so hard on yourself...they are really good at what they do.

HUGS!!

Think about you and take care of yourself...
 

there will be consequences for his behavior...just let it happen and try to stay out of the way. Think about what you would do today if he wasn't laying on your couch and go ahead and do that.

OK, just found the accident report in the county newspaper. He ran into a minivan with a family of four. Some of the injuries appeared to be serious. They have pictures of the open bottles on the seat of his truck. Now my question is, am I in for a world of s**t legally?