The death of hope. Chapter closed.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Protecting myself financially from my exA's dangerous behaviors was another big motivator in getting a divorce. At the time, I felt very conflicted, thinking it was so callous of me to think in terms of money, and that I wasn't giving my "through good times and bad" vows a chance. You can beat yourself up over it, but in the end saving yourself emotionally AND financially is better than the alternative. Were you two "officially" separated? If not, do it tomorrow, with a lawyer, when you file for divorce.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
More of the same will give you more of the same.
It was not until I distanced myself totally that I was able to get out of the storm.
My wife at the time after leaving was in a major auto accident in which one person was killed and another will never is the same.
Even thought we were apart for sometime, there was a chance they could still come after me for restitution.
So getting the divorce done was a primary concern to save what I had.
It was not until I distanced myself totally that I was able to get out of the storm.
My wife at the time after leaving was in a major auto accident in which one person was killed and another will never is the same.
Even thought we were apart for sometime, there was a chance they could still come after me for restitution.
So getting the divorce done was a primary concern to save what I had.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
This is HIS drama....not yours.
Unless you want it to be.
Get him and his drama off your sofa, IMO, looking at him is only adding fuel for your insanity and misery.
Time for HIM toput on his big boy panties and deal with HIS consequences.
Unless you want it to be.
Get him and his drama off your sofa, IMO, looking at him is only adding fuel for your insanity and misery.
Time for HIM toput on his big boy panties and deal with HIS consequences.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
I would file for separation/divorce ASAP, get your own auto insurance policy or have him taken off yours (if he is convicted of DUI the ins premiums will skyrocket if he can get ins at all).
Don't get suckered into paying for any of his legal costs either ............
Don't get suckered into paying for any of his legal costs either ............
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Back South where I belong!
Posts: 210
But here's the question about drama. It is my drama, since I'm being forced to make changes that will set my life on end. I can't really separate myself until I'm separate, and that's going to take a lot of work and upheaval for me. I wish I could be serene about it all, but given that I'm going to have to sell the house and get divorced and move and get a new job - geez! It's what I want, no question - and if I could be there right now I would, in a heartbeat. But when I look at all that's in front of me, I'm paralyzed. I can work to keep myself separate from what he did and his consequences, but because of his actions, everything is unsettled for me now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I understand totally feeling paralyzed thinking about it all.
Try to stay in the moment, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I no longer have hope for my 30 year old alcoholic/addict daughter because, for me, hope is based on the outcome of future events.
However, I do have faith, faith that a higher power's plan for her is falling into place.
I do have hope for me and my future because I have recovery for myself.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through.
I had to walk away from my alcoholic husband many many years ago.
He died last year at the ripe old age of 47.
Try to stay in the moment, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I no longer have hope for my 30 year old alcoholic/addict daughter because, for me, hope is based on the outcome of future events.
However, I do have faith, faith that a higher power's plan for her is falling into place.
I do have hope for me and my future because I have recovery for myself.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through.
I had to walk away from my alcoholic husband many many years ago.
He died last year at the ripe old age of 47.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
I often hear to be careful what we wish for. Getting from here to there can involve some ugliness. More often than not it takes a really swift kick to get us moving and this is a doozy.
Like Freedom said...one foot in front of the other. If there is something you can do right now do it. If it has to wait then let it wait and move on to the next thing you can do right now.
It always happens that we are given what we need when we need it.
HUGS!
Like Freedom said...one foot in front of the other. If there is something you can do right now do it. If it has to wait then let it wait and move on to the next thing you can do right now.
It always happens that we are given what we need when we need it.
HUGS!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Back South where I belong!
Posts: 210
Got the name of a good divorce atty and have contacted her (had one before but not too impressed -think this will be better). Step one. More tomorrow. Thanks to everyone for your great thoughts and advice. Definitely saved my sanity today. At least I'm not shaking anymore.
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
Rosie...hang in there...take it slow but keep moving....slowly...don't rush...take care of you...you need you in the best possible condition. You will make it through this in time...please keep us updated.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
