Addict and non addict in relationships
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Addict and non addict in relationships
Do you think it's possible for a recovering addict and a non addict to be in a relationship together? Especially when the addict starts developing all of these close relationships with their fellow members, which is great, but might lead them away from the relationship?
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Well, I think sometimes it can't be avoided. For example, I am married to my recovering alcoholic. He is very connected with his AA group, but I have no intention of leaving... today. The alcohol already took him away from the relationship. It is now recovery that takes him away. But I look at it like this... if my happiness and fulfillment in life depends on another person, then I know I have some work to do on myself.
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Hmm I am not sure what you mean?
Do you mean can someone who is recovering from an addiction be in a relationship with someone who was never an addict? Yes I do. But just as w/any relationship I think the combination of the couple has to work.
Are you talking about the addict developing friendships w/ other AA members?
I guess it all depends on perspective. If the A is spending a lot of time at meetings etc.. the partner can 1) except this as what they need for recovery and do stuff for themself during this time or 2) The partner could be jelous and feel left out
(I am sure there are many more options)
I guess it just depends on the dynamics of the relationship that decides whether it would work out or not??? I guess there are too many variables to say definatively
Do you mean can someone who is recovering from an addiction be in a relationship with someone who was never an addict? Yes I do. But just as w/any relationship I think the combination of the couple has to work.
Are you talking about the addict developing friendships w/ other AA members?
I guess it all depends on perspective. If the A is spending a lot of time at meetings etc.. the partner can 1) except this as what they need for recovery and do stuff for themself during this time or 2) The partner could be jelous and feel left out
(I am sure there are many more options)
I guess it just depends on the dynamics of the relationship that decides whether it would work out or not??? I guess there are too many variables to say definatively
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I guess I'm just searching for answers. My GF and I had a difficult 2 years but sooooo many things happened in those 2 years that I can't attribute it to anything. Are we too different, is it her alcoholism, am I an enabler, etc etc. We had some pretty big life changes (each) and that started within the first 6 months of our relationship.
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I never knew. I just saw more and more things happening recently. And I know realize the things I did that made it worse to eventually get to this point. I know she would have gotten to this point eventually either way, but I can see a little more clearly from reading everyone's blogs. Thanks so much.
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Originally Posted by NYC17 
I never knew. I just saw more and more things happening recently. And I know realize the things I did that made it worse to eventually get to this point. I know she would have gotten to this point eventually either way, but I can see a little more clearly from reading everyone's blogs. Thanks so much.
When and how did you acquire this ability to control another adult? In my experience no one has that sort of control and power over another adult. All us of are only responsible for our own choices and behaviors.
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"I never knew."
NYC17, let me tell you something that I am almost ashamed to admit. I did not come from an alcoholic background. The first alcoholic I ever saw was at age 13 when I saw some old man in a rumpled trenchcoat passed out cold on the ground in the freezing weather. His name was Frank. He was the caretaker of the housing area where I lived. That was my picture of what an alcoholic was.
Later in life, I got married to a binge drinker. But I had no idea he was an alcoholic, because he wasn't like Frank. Divorced because of the drinking. Then fell into a relationship with a really bad drinker. But I still had no idea this guy was an alcoholic, because he wasn't like Frank. Then I married, yet, another alcoholic, and I STILL had no clue... he wasn't like Frank. I can't believe I went SO many years having alcoholics cross my path, and I never even realized it. In the 80's, there was no internet full of information or message boards, there were no billboards advertising famous rehab clinics, there was no show on television called "Intervention." Alcoholism was never discussed, and when it was, it was only in a whisper. Someone would ask, "Do you think he might be an alcoholic?" And I would think, no way... he's nothing like Frank. I thought all alcoholics looked like Frank. So I missed every in-your-face clue. I can't believe I've just admitted to the world how really stupid I was.
Knowledge is power. Learn as much as you can about this disease. In doing this, you can begin to help yourself and begin healing. When you help yourself, you will indirectly help your girlfriend, which might bring about change in her.
NYC17, let me tell you something that I am almost ashamed to admit. I did not come from an alcoholic background. The first alcoholic I ever saw was at age 13 when I saw some old man in a rumpled trenchcoat passed out cold on the ground in the freezing weather. His name was Frank. He was the caretaker of the housing area where I lived. That was my picture of what an alcoholic was.
Later in life, I got married to a binge drinker. But I had no idea he was an alcoholic, because he wasn't like Frank. Divorced because of the drinking. Then fell into a relationship with a really bad drinker. But I still had no idea this guy was an alcoholic, because he wasn't like Frank. Then I married, yet, another alcoholic, and I STILL had no clue... he wasn't like Frank. I can't believe I went SO many years having alcoholics cross my path, and I never even realized it. In the 80's, there was no internet full of information or message boards, there were no billboards advertising famous rehab clinics, there was no show on television called "Intervention." Alcoholism was never discussed, and when it was, it was only in a whisper. Someone would ask, "Do you think he might be an alcoholic?" And I would think, no way... he's nothing like Frank. I thought all alcoholics looked like Frank. So I missed every in-your-face clue. I can't believe I've just admitted to the world how really stupid I was.
Knowledge is power. Learn as much as you can about this disease. In doing this, you can begin to help yourself and begin healing. When you help yourself, you will indirectly help your girlfriend, which might bring about change in her.
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