Does/Did Your Co-de Behaviour Affect Non-A relationships?
 

My Questiosn: Does/Did Your Co-de Behaviour Affect your relationships with non-alcoholic/addicted persons? If so, in what ways? I told you all a few weeks back that I have a hard time saying to to people, but in learing about co-de behavior, it has helped.

Yes...I expect too much from people at times. I was trying to get all the love and respect I missed from my parents neglect...out of my relationships today. I now realize...that is my responsibility to provide that myself...be my own parent...this is just one example.

My codie characteristics landed me back to the begining after being away from alanon for two years...I thought I was "recovered". Luckily...my process of learning humility is well underway! LOL

It affected my relationships in direct relation to the fact I was living co-dependently with an alcoholic. Now that I am out of the madness it is not the same. I think a lot of what today gets attributed to "co-dependency" is actually societal mores.

Just my opinion.

I think it effects all my relationships. I realized that I was sometimes expecting too much from others, so I went the opposite and expected nothing. When that didn't work, I tried to strike a balance with healthy boundaries. That IS working for me now, although I think I have lost at least one selfish, self-centered friend over this. If I look at the entire friendship, what I am really missing? I don't think anything because I got nothing out of the friendship. She, however, got many hours of support during her affairs behind her husband's back. She also got my undivided attention whenever big events in her life were happening. When something came up for me, whether it was needing help during a move from an unsafe place, or support during this break-up, she had lunch plans, or was "sick." After countless times of this I realize it's no loss. At least I don't have to worry about the disappointment anymore.

I am not sure whether it is my leadership skills or codependency that makes be the one to take the reins in my workplace. I suppose when I take on responisiblities in areas outside my job description I am codie and when I help people in my department orother departments with suggestions or improvements without taking on all the responsibility it is leadership. I think I recognize the difference now. Makes for fewer resentments.

I used to find myself getting overly involved in other people's problems, trying to "help" them. I found that it was detrimental to my career and started taking a hard look at my motivations and actions (I got burned trying to play leader and mediate a co workers disputes) . Now I stop and think before I jump in to "help" others and find that my life is much more peaceful.

Hi, good question. I never knew codependancy existed till i came here, and since my spilt with my ab i have focused on me rather than him, which has become a complete eye opener. I have always been like this, and have a string of disasters behind me, and thanks to SR and also my xab my whole attitude to life is slowly changing and i feel like a great weight has lifted from my shoulders.

I have been involved with many additcts of some sort over the years, never knew why because i dont take drugs myself and drink socially, now i know why.

But I behaved the same with my x husband who was not an addict but a diabetic who may i add had no control of his illness, so guess what I took over, till i couldnt do it anymore and ended up resenting him and his illness.

In any workplace I am excellent, i will do tasks that are not expected of me, run errands, work late you name it. Till i cant do it anymore and end up resenting the job and my collegues.

All of the above is MY doing, nobody asked me to save them or do more than i should, today i am holding back on things that i shouldnt be doing, and saying NO.

I am not a religious person, but am beginning to understand that something good can come out of a disaster, and that there is a reason why we are tested.

while im here blabbing away i would like to take this opportunity to thank Denny, Former Dormat, Minnie and many more of you here for guiding me in the right direction, and also thank my xab Peter for giving my the opportunity to life a healthy life.

Mairxx