Recovering alcoholics and relationships
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Hi and welcome. I wrote what you wrote back in July. Same thing happened to me. I don't quote myself but thought you might see a similarity and that your not alone here.
That was my first post here, it's taken me a while but I'm starting to realize that I'm better alone than with him. He ultimately left me for good, we never got back together, he lied about everything. He was a dry drunk and never grasped true sobriety, he's miserable, depressed and not accept he needs help. It's really a shame that things ended that way but sounds like you did the right thing.
Everyone here is very helpful, once again, welcome
Hi, my boyfriend is 6 months sober and it seems everything has come crashing down, he feels empty and he said he needs some space and a break to clear his head and deal with the guilt and the past on his own without my help. We have been together 9 months total, it's been about a week and a half and not sure if I'm doing the correct thing. We have had no contact. I'm just wondering if this is a typical occurrence that he's going through and how long before I should contact him. He says he wants a future but can't the way he's feeling right now. He's going to meetings, talking to a sponsor and belongs to a group. I just feel helpless and wondering if I'm doing the correct thing by staying away. Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you.
Everyone here is very helpful, once again, welcome
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Al-Anon has been a god-send to me; I work the 12 steps in a number of ways. But there are meetings I no longer attend because the mind set is I am "sick" if I'm "not working a program."
I also personally don't believe in character defects.
What I love about the 12 steps and Al-Anon is that I can take what I like and leave the rest.
I also personally don't believe in character defects.
What I love about the 12 steps and Al-Anon is that I can take what I like and leave the rest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 25
Hi hbb, and the rest of you for your posts
thanks, yes indeed it sounds exactly like what I went through. I spoke to him today and he said he didnt know why he was angry. he also said some things that indicated he was lying.
I think he has moved back with his ex- wife. I asked him a few questions and he just avoided the issue.
This hurts a lot because in the last year he has been loving and kind and talking carefully about things we could do together. I do feel used and angry but I also think he is indeed a dry drunk.
In some ways I feel sorry for the ex or whatever she is now because he hasnt worked anything out and I seriously doubt he went back and told the truth (maybe I'm kidding myself and he did). I suppose this is my fear that he went back to "work on things"
sigh, we are prisoners of our own emotions....
How did you cope? How did the lying manifest itself?
I find its like a half truth being told, and my instincts tell me something is wrong.
thank you for sharing your story it helped me a lot
V
That was my first post here, it's taken me a while but I'm starting to realize that I'm better alone than with him. He ultimately left me for good, we never got back together, he lied about everything. He was a dry drunk and never grasped true sobriety, he's miserable, depressed and not accept he needs help. It's really a shame that things ended that way but sounds like you did the right thing.
thanks, yes indeed it sounds exactly like what I went through. I spoke to him today and he said he didnt know why he was angry. he also said some things that indicated he was lying.
I think he has moved back with his ex- wife. I asked him a few questions and he just avoided the issue.
This hurts a lot because in the last year he has been loving and kind and talking carefully about things we could do together. I do feel used and angry but I also think he is indeed a dry drunk.
In some ways I feel sorry for the ex or whatever she is now because he hasnt worked anything out and I seriously doubt he went back and told the truth (maybe I'm kidding myself and he did). I suppose this is my fear that he went back to "work on things"
sigh, we are prisoners of our own emotions....
How did you cope? How did the lying manifest itself?
I find its like a half truth being told, and my instincts tell me something is wrong.
thank you for sharing your story it helped me a lot
V
That was my first post here, it's taken me a while but I'm starting to realize that I'm better alone than with him. He ultimately left me for good, we never got back together, he lied about everything. He was a dry drunk and never grasped true sobriety, he's miserable, depressed and not accept he needs help. It's really a shame that things ended that way but sounds like you did the right thing.
Originally Posted by hbb 
Hi and welcome. I wrote what you wrote back in July. Same thing happened to me. I don't quote myself but thought you might see a similarity and that your not alone here.
That was my first post here, it's taken me a while but I'm starting to realize that I'm better alone than with him. He ultimately left me for good, we never got back together, he lied about everything. He was a dry drunk and never grasped true sobriety, he's miserable, depressed and not accept he needs help. It's really a shame that things ended that way but sounds like you did the right thing.
Everyone here is very helpful, once again, welcome
That was my first post here, it's taken me a while but I'm starting to realize that I'm better alone than with him. He ultimately left me for good, we never got back together, he lied about everything. He was a dry drunk and never grasped true sobriety, he's miserable, depressed and not accept he needs help. It's really a shame that things ended that way but sounds like you did the right thing.
Everyone here is very helpful, once again, welcome
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