Kindeyes

Well, our A son was called in by his outpatient provider to come in to see him. I didn't think he'd go but he did. He called me afterwards and said that his deferment is "blown" and he'll never be able to get another job. He asked if we were disowning him. I told him no of course not but he is choosing how he wants to live his life and it is contrary to the way we live ours and we just can't cope with his addiction. He started to get angry and irrational again and began cursing so I calmly told him that I couldn't talk to him when he behaved like that and hung up.

I called his counselor (they have an ok to talk with me) and he explained that our son had been forging his AA attendance slips. He asked him for a UA and stood outside the bathroom while our son peed. When he came out and gave the couselor his urine it was cool....not like it had just come out of his body. (I'm still wondering where the heck he could find a clean sample!) The counselor explained that it wasn't the correct temperature and that he could hang around for a little while and give another urine sample. But no.....instead our son blurted how he didn't have to put up with that and stormed out.

The counselor said it is obvious that he is in full blown addiction. He has NOT blown his deferment YET but he needs to get back on the program. If he doesn't, he's in the hands of the court system.

I think if I was him, I'd rather be in God's hands than the hands of our judicial system.

sigh......this just drains me.

CatsPajamas

Hugs from mom to mom. This is a difficult time for everyone. It seems to me that each and every addict/alcoholic who struggles is convinced that he knows the way he can have it all -the great temporary feelings that he gets from his drug of choice AND a full and rich life with a good job, great car, great partner, etc etc. Unfortunately, each has to find his or her own bottom before they will seek out recovery.

It was the same for me. I thought I knew just the right answer to get my A on the right path. I didn't want to hear the message from Al Anon... I was sure I knew better. I had been making decisions and choices for him for so long, why should I stop now? Little did I know just how powerless I was... I had to find my own bottom and crawl into the rooms of Al Anon when I was ready.

It sounds like your son isn't ready yet. Hopefully he will be soon. If you are able to set and hold fast to some boundaries, you will find peace and some serenity whether or not your son chooses to find recovery right now.

BIG hugs from mom to mom

WLDKATZ

<<<<<<<<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
you sound just like my momma!!!
Just hang in is all I can say it is so hard when there are choices that we HAVE to make for our own survival and then again it is also that norm thing
you know fear of change......IT HURTS to heal!!!!
It is so scarry to do what our loved ones ask especially when change is involved, alot of ppl dont think about it until it is time for them to experiance that fear, yes you are right by distancing yourself yet staying involved.....that actually makes sence!!!!!

Good Luck!
Pamm

kermit

Sweetie, I'm sorry for all this pain you are in. Just know I'm praying for you and yours

Barbara52

It is possible that God may decide to use the judicial system to work His will on your son.

I am so sorry for your pain. {hugs}

grateful2b

Kindeyes, I am sorry, my heart goes out to you....it is so hard....good for you for holding,

:praying

imfree2bme

My son didn't hit bottom until he spent 4 months in jail. Totally turned his life around after that with the help of God. Sober for 6 years now from alcohol and drugs.

Kindeyes

ok I feel like I'm cracking here. I left a message on my son's cell phone to let him know what the counselor said. and yes.....I called him about 5 times after that and it went to voicemail each time. With the suicide threats last night, I'm worrying like heck. I'm sitting here next to my mother's hospital bed (she just got out of surgery) and I called my husband to ask him to go check on our son. My husband said "sweetie, you're obsessing. If you really want me to go check on him, I will. But he needs to think this through himself. Perhaps he just needs some time to stew in his own juice.

I agreed and told him (but mostly said it for me) He's in God's hands.

So here I am. Sitting on the floor in a hospital....obsessing about him when I should be concentrating on helping my Mom.

thank you all for your wise and kind words. I'm really struggling with this. Wondering if he's alive. Wondering where he is. Talking to myself in my head repeating Alanon stuff over and over. Knowing that he has to come to this by himself.

thanks for the hugs. They are truly appreciated and needed right now. thank you.

really_fed_up

Try not to be hard on yourself; this is a very difficult journey. Know that slipping into the obsessing is part of the recovery. You are being so strong; remember to take care of you, too.

This not might be much, but I'd like to share a story with you. The other day I took the day off from work; I told myself it was from all the stress related to my sister's latest binge, and it partly was, but it was also to take some time for me. I took a very hot bubble bath in the middle of the day, did a facial mask, and read magazines in the tub. I then knitted for the rest of the day. I didn't think about Jane, I didn't do any work from home. It seemed really indulgent but it made me feel like I was taking time out for me. I guess what I'm saying is remember to try to let go and take that time YOU need.

LaTeeDa

All your worrying and obsessing will not change any outcomes. It only hurts you, it does not help him in any way. ((())) Hugs to you.

L

Barbara52

You all my my prayers as you go throught this difficult time.

BohemiMamaof3

(((more hugs)))

Lilyflower

((((((((Kindeyes)))))))) I hope you are feeling a little better today. I hope you can find strength right now. You are doing so well, let go and let god. Your son will hopefully come to his senses, even if prison is what it takes. He has made his bed, and now must lay in it. Keep your side of the street clean as wise ones have said.

Sending you love, and I hope your mum recovers from her op.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kindeyes

Thank you all so much. Here'sthe update.

My A son called and left a message on my cell phone. The battery on my phone went kapooey from all the use (messages about Mom's surgery, talking to the counselor, trying to keep everyone on track at work, etc.) So....since the battery was dead, the phone didn't ring and he simply left a message.

He said that he got my message about what the counselor said and that his phone was broken. Then the message went all garbled and I couldn't make heads or tails of the rest of the message. I don't know if it was an out of range situation or he was trying to leave me a message from his broken phone. Chances are he once again tossed his phone and broke it. He has gone through more cell phones than anyone I know. I sure wouldn't want to be his cell phone. It always winds up in pieces.

I'm feeling a little better today after a good night's sleep. I have so much to concentrate on to keep me busy. Unfortunately it's a little hard to concentrate on myself right now because my Mom and Dad need me and I'm trying to take care of them and run my business too. Luckily I have a wonderful staff who keep things going whether I'm there are not. And I can work from home and from the hospital.

My focus today is to keep my mind occupied and my hands busy. I'll let go and let God.

hugs to all of you who understand--thank you for being here

grateful2b

Kindeyes, I am so glad you heard from your son, it's amazing how a phone call can help us moms breathe better......:ghug3 prayers for you and your family