Can, or should I not care?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
Can, or should I not care?
Yep i said I was going to be alone for a while. And well i held out a month and decided to contact a man that I had been in communication with before my last relationship. So far all we've done is talk and talk and talk for hours and hours and become friends. We met once, hugged and held hands. So far i really respect this guy, he's smart, he's artistic like me, he's engaging, etc. He DOESN'T drink or do drugs.
Now here's the current problem if you will. He has some unexplained pain tht comes and goes. he's gone to three dr.'s and they have given him no difinative answer. They want to give him a couple more tests which he is determined to avoid due to discomfort and pride. But this pain is affecting his quality of life and his ability to have a full blown relationship right now. Since I don't know my place exactly in his life and i'm not of his age (he's 7 years older) and I'm not a man who experiences such pains I'm kind of at loss as to how i should support him. Or if I even should!? I'm finding it very difficult to even fathom the thought of abandoning a budding relationship for this reason alone. I am trying to keep a level head and not fall too deep into the "rescue" mode.
I have a friend, who is an alcoholic so...I have to question his opinion in my mind very often, who tells me to simply not fall for this guy anymore, that there are red flags everywhere. ???
Am i just dumb? I don't see red flags. i see a stubborn man who's pride is keeping him from the Dr. but who seems to want someone to convince him to go. And i don't see what's wrong with urging a friend to go get something checked out. Or reaching out to friend for that encouragement.
What do you guys think? Is this out of line to care about someone's health? And is it unusual for a guy to resist having a painful medical procedure?
Seems to me that the world is becoming a sad place if you have to question the motives of everyone you meet.
Now here's the current problem if you will. He has some unexplained pain tht comes and goes. he's gone to three dr.'s and they have given him no difinative answer. They want to give him a couple more tests which he is determined to avoid due to discomfort and pride. But this pain is affecting his quality of life and his ability to have a full blown relationship right now. Since I don't know my place exactly in his life and i'm not of his age (he's 7 years older) and I'm not a man who experiences such pains I'm kind of at loss as to how i should support him. Or if I even should!? I'm finding it very difficult to even fathom the thought of abandoning a budding relationship for this reason alone. I am trying to keep a level head and not fall too deep into the "rescue" mode.
I have a friend, who is an alcoholic so...I have to question his opinion in my mind very often, who tells me to simply not fall for this guy anymore, that there are red flags everywhere. ???
Am i just dumb? I don't see red flags. i see a stubborn man who's pride is keeping him from the Dr. but who seems to want someone to convince him to go. And i don't see what's wrong with urging a friend to go get something checked out. Or reaching out to friend for that encouragement.
What do you guys think? Is this out of line to care about someone's health? And is it unusual for a guy to resist having a painful medical procedure?
Seems to me that the world is becoming a sad place if you have to question the motives of everyone you meet.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by sketscher 
I don't see red flags. i see a stubborn man who's pride is keeping him from the Dr. but who seems to want someone to convince him to go.
up and out
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 185
that's one of our biggest issues, sketscher.....unavailable people.
if he's coming out and telling you that he is not able to participate in a relationship then I would listen to him. it really doesn't matter what his reasons are for that. he's just not available.
but i totally feel you sketscher, its right there in my nature to find the loopholes that just may make a relationship possible....tweak a couple of little things and we're good to go. then when things are not working out i totally forget that he wasn't available (for whatever reason) in the first place!
i would listen to him and trust in my HP that if you two are meant to be then you will be. in the meantime, don't sweat the small stuff. (((hugs)))
if he's coming out and telling you that he is not able to participate in a relationship then I would listen to him. it really doesn't matter what his reasons are for that. he's just not available.
but i totally feel you sketscher, its right there in my nature to find the loopholes that just may make a relationship possible....tweak a couple of little things and we're good to go. then when things are not working out i totally forget that he wasn't available (for whatever reason) in the first place!
i would listen to him and trust in my HP that if you two are meant to be then you will be. in the meantime, don't sweat the small stuff. (((hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
thank you appleblaster.
I've been praying about this and finding that it's helping. I'm not anxious about this anymore. If it is meant to be it will be.
I've had a real dose of HP today in my life. As xabf was fired from our place of employment. Giving me a whole new opportunity. I can now remain where I am free of his scrutiny and pursue relationships without his interference etc...
I'M FREE! finally will ever have to look upon his face again and wonder. never hve to see him with sadness in his eyes. Never have to feel guilty for dating while he's supposedly miserable. etc....
I've been praying about this and finding that it's helping. I'm not anxious about this anymore. If it is meant to be it will be.
I've had a real dose of HP today in my life. As xabf was fired from our place of employment. Giving me a whole new opportunity. I can now remain where I am free of his scrutiny and pursue relationships without his interference etc...
I'M FREE! finally will ever have to look upon his face again and wonder. never hve to see him with sadness in his eyes. Never have to feel guilty for dating while he's supposedly miserable. etc....
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
yOU CAN CARE FROM A DISTANCE BUT IT TRULY ISN'T YOUR responsibility to convince him to go to the Dr. He need sto be responsible for that.
ngaire
ngaire
Originally Posted by sketscher
Yep i said I was going to be alone for a while. And well i held out a month and decided to contact a man that I had been in communication with before my last relationship. So far all we've done is talk and talk and talk for hours and hours and become friends. We met once, hugged and held hands. So far i really respect this guy, he's smart, he's artistic like me, he's engaging, etc. He DOESN'T drink or do drugs.
Now here's the current problem if you will. He has some unexplained pain tht comes and goes. he's gone to three dr.'s and they have given him no difinative answer. They want to give him a couple more tests which he is determined to avoid due to discomfort and pride. But this pain is affecting his quality of life and his ability to have a full blown relationship right now. Since I don't know my place exactly in his life and i'm not of his age (he's 7 years older) and I'm not a man who experiences such pains I'm kind of at loss as to how i should support him. Or if I even should!? I'm finding it very difficult to even fathom the thought of abandoning a budding relationship for this reason alone. I am trying to keep a level head and not fall too deep into the "rescue" mode.
I have a friend, who is an alcoholic so...I have to question his opinion in my mind very often, who tells me to simply not fall for this guy anymore, that there are red flags everywhere. ???
Am i just dumb? I don't see red flags. i see a stubborn man who's pride is keeping him from the Dr. but who seems to want someone to convince him to go. And i don't see what's wrong with urging a friend to go get something checked out. Or reaching out to friend for that encouragement.
What do you guys think? Is this out of line to care about someone's health? And is it unusual for a guy to resist having a painful medical procedure?
Seems to me that the world is becoming a sad place if you have to question the motives of everyone you meet.
Now here's the current problem if you will. He has some unexplained pain tht comes and goes. he's gone to three dr.'s and they have given him no difinative answer. They want to give him a couple more tests which he is determined to avoid due to discomfort and pride. But this pain is affecting his quality of life and his ability to have a full blown relationship right now. Since I don't know my place exactly in his life and i'm not of his age (he's 7 years older) and I'm not a man who experiences such pains I'm kind of at loss as to how i should support him. Or if I even should!? I'm finding it very difficult to even fathom the thought of abandoning a budding relationship for this reason alone. I am trying to keep a level head and not fall too deep into the "rescue" mode.
I have a friend, who is an alcoholic so...I have to question his opinion in my mind very often, who tells me to simply not fall for this guy anymore, that there are red flags everywhere. ???
Am i just dumb? I don't see red flags. i see a stubborn man who's pride is keeping him from the Dr. but who seems to want someone to convince him to go. And i don't see what's wrong with urging a friend to go get something checked out. Or reaching out to friend for that encouragement.
What do you guys think? Is this out of line to care about someone's health? And is it unusual for a guy to resist having a painful medical procedure?
Seems to me that the world is becoming a sad place if you have to question the motives of everyone you meet.
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