hadenoughnow

My STBXAH "moved" yesterday (meaning he moved the furniture he is taking out but left all of his clothes and toiletries here, ha). I want him OUT so I probably did something that would be considered codie, I packed all of his clothes and personal items in bags so he can't hang around for days "getting his stuff". I threw out all the empties in his bathroom and took the two full beers I found and put them with his shaving stuff LOL. I have been really good about letting go and not "helping" him, as a result he is now sitting in his new place with no towels, no bed linens, no dishes or cookware, no groceries, no cleaning supplies etc and is running around like a maniac because I packed up his crap and made it clear that he WILL NOT hang out, hide in the bathroom and get drunk and pass out here tonight. I feel sorry for his sister who is coming to help him with stuff today. He had 4 weeks to get this stuff done and instead spent it getting drunk and telling me that I am going to hell for divorcing him.

Meanwhile I am sitting here enjoying the peace and quiet and laughing my a** off. Tonight I will watch what I want on TV, sleep in my own bed, talk to my friends on the phone without him spying on me. My life is finally my own, I am no longer hostage to him and his ism.

Kindeyes

Congratulations on moving on. I think packing up his stuff was anti-codie behavior. You didn't give him an excuse to come back again and again and again to pollute your environment with toxic quacking.

I'm sure that getting to this point was a painful process and I truly hope that you feel the weight lifted off of you. It's a new beginning.

Celebrate! You are now in control of you! wahooooo!

melbar4

You know I never thought about it being codie behavior by packing their stuff. I thought it was healing for me. I did the same but a step further. I had his parents come and get it so he wouldn't step foot in my home. After all he decided to walk out on us. I didn't want him here to remind me of anything, good or bad. Glad he is gone.
I say good for you!!
Melissa

lexusgirl

I'm glad that you're at a place that you can be comfortable in your own home. Boy do I know how that feels to walk on eggshells when your sharing your home. Thats so weird as I thought about doing just the same thing you did-packing all his shi* up here and put it off to the side somewhere so he doesn't have to take his time doing it and shooting me dirty looks and slamming stuff around in the process.

I don't think it's codie behavior at all. It's helping you afterall and making you feel good about getting him out of there.

karmakoma

Whilst there is a fine line in this situation, I think you stayed well in the right side of it. Because, so often the line is drawn according to motive. And your motivr was that you wanted him gone. I can relate to that!

I hope you have had a great evening. With lots of ice cream.

hope2bhappy

You made a really good move, and I don't think your actions could be defined as codependent. He may not have any towels, linens, cookware or toilet paper, but I assure you he will have a bottle. And once he drinks it, he won't even mind not having all these things.

I'm glad you finally have some peace... but try not to enjoy his suffering too much. Vindictiveness is not good for our recovery.

peaceteach

I hope he wakes up this morning without toilet paper.

hadenoughnow

I am not laughing at his misery, I am simply glad to be rid of him and his quacking even if it's only 90%, not completely.

hadenoughnow

He took two rolls of TP from my house (he did ask at least), his enabling relatives bailed him out and took him shopping yesterday (he stopped by at 8:00 pm and took half his clothes, I guess carrying the other 3 bags 30 feet to his car was just too strenuous for him). I will make him take the rest when he drops our son off today.

He called last night trying to suck up more of my time, saying he wanted to come over today and spend hours sorting through pictures etc. I told him I have my own stuff to take care of and that it can wait until next weekend at least. He has convinced himself that I have a boyfriend (because his drinking is not the problem you know). I can see that his new plan is to disrupt my evenings with constant phone calls and visits, he better watch himself or I will file a police report.

peaceteach

Sorry about the toilet paper post. I guess it wasn't that funny, especially considering your son will be involved in all this.

My exhusband was also hellbent on the idea that I had a boyfriend. I guess 4 years later he's figured out that that wasn't the case-LOL. I did find him one day during our separation in my home (I had come home sick from work) messing around with my computer like he was checking for "evidence" of the REAL reason why we were apart. Are you allowed to change your locks so this doesn't happen to you?

hadenoughnow

I can't change the locks until the papers are signed but I do plan to get an alarm system and not give him the code .

DetachMe9

Great to hear this. I'm about 6 weeks or so behind you, and I've already considered doing some of the same (packing, organizing) but I've held off. He's still living here, hasn't found a place yet - - so I figure I'll try to stay detached until it appears he's not moving forward.

Way to go. It's been a long road for you.

fluffyflea

You aren't helping him, he;s leaving hooks behind. you are helping yourself by getting rid of the hooks.

who needs it..............

ngaire