Kindeyes

It's been a while since I've been on this forum. So much has happened in the last two months.......I don't even know where to start.

I guess I'll jump past the hospital, the diagnosis, and the pending surgeries and just talk about today.

Today.....my A son is most likely going to be fired....again. This sounds like a very typical event in the life of an alcoholic. But this alcoholic works in the family business......with me.

After his intervention and subsequent treatment in November of 2006, he came back to work with us. He was really great for the first few months until he stopped going to AA and started drinking again. In his opinion, he is not an alcoholic......he just likes to party. And he knows how to control it. Yeah right. The last few months have been hell for everyone at work. He states the rules. He makes everyone around him miserable. He takes "sick days" off so that he can go snowboarding. He is constantly late. Once again, our lives are revolving around the mood swings, undependable behavior, and dictates of an alcoholic.

He has to go.

He reports to one of the managers (who reports to me). She and I have discussed this and she has my full support to do what is in the best interest of the business and her team. I have offered to "do it" for her but she says she wants to do it (fire him). She said "I hired him...I should be responsible for firing him." How crappy is that........to be the one who has to fire the bosses kid. (He's no "kid"...he's almost 27.)

All this is going on while I'm trying to deal with my own serious health issues. I just want to cry today.

jehnifer

Hugs to you Kindeyes. Hang in there and trust God that everything is going to be OK. Take care of yourself today.

Barbara52

You have my prayers and thought Kindeyes. {hugs}

You know you are doing the right thing even though it causes you pain.

shakarris

kindeyes.. I am so sorry all this with your son and your health issues too
keep strong .... you know you are not alone

shakarris

Rella927

It is not easy to let go...but we need to do so for our own well being! Let go and cry too! It cleanses the soul and know that you did what you could for him and the rest is up to him-

I'm sorry to hear about your own health issues-PLEASE take care of you! Be gentle with yourself this will pass-

Hang in there sweets

denny57

(((kindeyes)))

grateful2b

Good for you, Kindeyes for doing the hard thing with all the challenges on your plate....

Growing

((((kindeyes))))

Shivaya

I am so sorry to hear of your situation with your son. What a difficult decision you have made........but a necessary one.........

Take care of yourself,

Shivaya

Kindeyes

Well....it is done. The manager tried to sit down with him and talk things out but of course he became argumentative and defensive. He threatened to "turn in his two weeks notice". She told him that she didn't think his attitude would improve over the next two weeks so she gave him a severance and asked him to leave. Naturally, he did this with a flourish...lots of door slamming etc.

Then he called me. "I guess I have to start looking for a new job now all due to YOUR manager." I told him that I was sorry that it had to work out this way. He replied "Well good luck in your FAMILY business. I hope you enjoy your NEW FAMILY." I'm not sure what he meant by that but it was an obvious jab at me......letting me know that he no longer considered himself part of my family. He then hung up on me.

I didn't call him back. (Which he would have expected me to do.)

I now feel as though I have once again lost my son. My heart is breaking but I won't let him see that. I hate this disease. I hate it. I hate what it has done to my family. I hate what it has done to my business. I hate what it has done to my health. I hate it.

Thank you all for your kind words. I hope to wake up to a new day tomorrow with a better attitude and be able to once again remove the word "hate" from my vocabulary.

gentle hugs to all of you who understand and have lived this pain.

Barbara52

****{kindeyes}}}

grateful2b

shakarris

Oh kindeyes.. you know you did what you had to do.. I am so sorry

:ghug: to you and your family

shakarris

Pick-a-name

(((kindeyes)))

p.s. I hate it,too.

Growing

Stay strong Kindeyes...We support and care for you so much!

You haven't done anything wrong or bad to him. You are being a good mother by letting him feel the consequences of his OWN actions.

We help by eliminating our toxic enabling. It took me a while to see what I was doing as toxic.

Your recovery shines!

Kindeyes

Thank you all so much for your kind words and gentle hugs. It was a tough night last night. Waking up in the middle of the night.....wondering......worrying......praying...a nd crying. Thank goodness I have my dear sweet husband. He heard my soft sobs and said "Hey...you need some magic arms, don't you." And he wrapped himself around me and held me for the rest of the night. God I love him. Today is a new day and I can face it with the help of my HP, my dear husband, and wonderful friends. I know there are many struggles ahead but I will try to stay focused on the positive. Thank you all so much for your support. I hope you know how much it helps. I hope I can return the favor.

hugs to you all

falloutcity

so sorry kindeyes that you are going through such a hard time. Good thoughts to you now for what it's worth. Your words resonate-
I feel so inarticulate but thinking of you.
falloutcity

karmakoma

Sorry to hear this, KE.

Can I ask something? What would you have done had this employee not been your son?

Kindeyes

karmakoma
Quite honestly, he probably would have been terminated long ago if he was not my son. We were all aware that we were dealing with an alcoholic in recovery. We all knew there was a possibility of relapse. We all hoped that he would stay in recovery.

He has sent me two text messages basically telling me that I put my business before my family. His last words to me were "you make me sick".

It's all so sad.

peaceteach

The guilt card is such a difficult one, especially when it is handed to you by your own child. In your head you know you are doing the right thing, but your heart still gets pierced by those arrows. My A son (for the first time) gave me flowers for Valentine's Day, and then the very next day yelled at me because I wouldn't give him some money and he had spent his on the flowers for me? (Sorta takes the joy out of looking at them now)... He also has gotten more out of me than he should have with the "you give K (little sister) everything and me nothing" line over the past few years. I, wanting my kids to know I love them equally, now know I did much more damage with that guilt-line than I realized.

I read once that there are three emotions that are totally self-destructive and do not allow us to grow in the light as long as we let them into our minds. Guilt was one, and I think the other two were fear and greed? I'm sure the answer here is to remind yourself each morning to turn it all over to God and know you are the best mother you can be, regardless of what your son is saying right now. Prayers to you, Kindeyes.