KBear_73

Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a long time but still read the messages from time to time. Anyway I have a quick question wondering if anyone has any advice or insight for me. My ABF is now in recovery ... again. Which is awesome right? He has actually been doing really well for a long time, had a bit of a slip up and is now getting back into it. But I'm just feeling sooooo angry towards him!! I'm angry that he's suddenly becoming 'perfect' now that he's not drinking (he doesn't really say this, it's more just how I feel) and I just feel like screaming at him "You, my friend, are NOT perfect!!!! I am the one who did this and this and that while you did nothing but sit around like a big lump while you were drinking and now you think you are just so perfect all of a sudden??" I know I should be a little bit more supportive of him at the moment, because he really is doing really well, better than I could have ever hoped for and all of a sudden I guess I'm realising that maybe I was co-dependent after all which is ridiculous because that's not who I am!!! Aaaaargh the frustration I'm feeling towards myself is crazy.

Well even if I get no responses it's been a great release to write that and finally 'say it out loud' ... thanks for this space to do that

tryingtoheal

Resentment, anger, frustration, not being able to forgive...all of these emotions are torture on the soul. Though I have no idea how to let them go myself (time? volunteering? therapy? more time?), I do know one thing: hanging on to these emotions only damages you. I wish I could just write out a list of things that torture me on a piece of paper, take it outside and burn it...let the ashes fly into the wind carrying my soul-sucking issues with them, away from me forever, so that I am free to be the once-non-cynical-trusting person I once was.

Hang on...we are all in a battle against certain things at certain times. This is yours right now (and mine). I have learned a lot on SR from people kindly pointing these things out to me, so you could try to search on here for words like 'forgiveness' and other things. Much wisdom is archived! Try to keep your head up, and know that others are in the same boat! I hope you are able to free yourself of these problems...if you gain any knowledge on how to conquer this h*ll, please pass it on!

hope2bhappy

I had many of these same feelings when my AH was new to recovery. Standing by an alcoholic is a thankless job. I had to keep the focus on me, or I would have gone crazy. These feelings quickly passed for me. The big reward in all of this mess is his sobriety. For me, that was the most important thing. And I think, underneath it all, it is for you too.

Kindeyes

I think that the emotions you are feeling are normal at some point through the process of recovery. As TryingtoHeal mentioned, it's just not good for you to get stuck in any of those negative emotions forever. But each of us go through recovery at our own pace and wrestle with our own emotions. It's ok to let it out. Better out than in. I try to focus on me rather than focusing on my A son. It's so hard sometimes but I find that if I stick to working on me, I have little time or energy to spend trying to "work" on him.

I hope that the recovery center he is in has a great family program. The people who love the alcoholic are as much in need of recovery as the one in active addiction. Even though my A son is using again, I feel that I got so much out of the family program that it is helping me cope with his relapse.

Daisy30

You have made a big step by realizing this! Now what are you going to do with that knowledge?

I didn't know I was sick until I started to heal. Then I realized I was way sicker than I ever thought.

I wished I had known then (when my AH started his recovery) what I know now. I would have reacted a lot differently to him. I don't know if it would have made a difference or not.

There are a lot of good books in the "reading" sticky. I found them to be helpful.

karmakoma

I understand that feeling of resentment. Though, you do realise that no-one forced you to stay, right?

May I suggest al-anon and/or therapy? They might get you on the right track for YOUR life.