zooeyhall

My nephew is an alcoholic, without a job and possibly soon without a roof over his head. He is 40 and single. I have only had vague suspicions about his alcoholism, until I heard from my other nephew (his brother) that they had to place him in the Salvation Army treatment program. Apparently he had been kicked out of his apartment and living with my other nephew; who told me that he goes on "benders".

I am think that he is falling off the wagon again, and my other nephew and his wife cannot tolerate him anymore. I am single and live on a farm, where my nephew always used to come out to frequently as a child. His mother (my sister) passed away 2 years ago, and his father is also deceased. I think there is a strong possiblity that they may ask me to take him in.

I have to say I have consderable reservations about this. Allthough I am single I have a professional job during the day. I am hesitant about taking someone in who could really cause problems for me, especially in his condition. But I don't want to be mean hearted or unfeeling to his plight if he is in desperate need. I really would appreciate any advice that others could give me on this dilemna. Feel free to ask me further questions if you want.

FormerDoormat

Noooooooooo!

peaceteach

No.

LaTeeDa

His "desperate need" has apparently been caused by his own actions. His brother and wife cannot stand him living with them anymore? Sounds like he is burning through his options.

Your choice appears to be this. You can be another enabler who allows him to continue self-destructing and prolong the inevitable. Or, you can say no (which isn't easy, I know) and allow him to feel the full consequences of his behavior.

As long as an alcoholic has someone to pick up the pieces for them, they have no motivation to change. This is not to say he won't find someone else to enable him, but if you do it, you are part of the problem, not part of the solution.

JMHO,
L

Spiritual Seeker

If he has not stayed sober than you might only consider him to be w/you after he goes back to the Salvation Army rehab. program and completes the full 6 mos. of treatment.

parentrecovers

trust your gut on this one, and don't offer him a place to live. have you thought about face to face alanon meetings?

it's tough, i understand.

nice to meet you! k

denny57

I would say no. It isn't easy because it's usually against everything we've been taught. I'd suggest some further reading here, especially the stickies. You can google sites for "Getting Them Sober" and Al-Anon and read some helpful suggestions.

Keep posting.

Daisy30

I agree no. You have to let them get worse before they will get better.

If you help him like L said, he will have no reason to get help.

Keep posting!

Mr. Christian

UM, NO

Miss Pink

If you want him to continue his road to self destruction, destroy your life and never get sober...then by all means, take him in.

If not, do the opposite.

Barbara52

Why should anyone be required to "take in" an adult apparently healthy, capable of living on his own? It sounds like he's a puppy or an invalid, someone who has to be taken care of because they can't do it for themself.

As others have said, as long as someone enables him, rescues him from his own choices and behaviors, he is not likely to deal with the consequences of those choices and behaviors.

kermit

Nope

shakarris

I am with the rest of them no way.. you are opening a door to a whole lotta ugh!!!

shakarris

hadenoughnow

Take it from us, DON"T DO IT! Living with an active A is a nightmare, getting rid of one is an even bigger one.

sojourner

no, no, a thousand times no.

It amazes me how we can fall into the trap of thinking these people are so incapable of what we consider most people to be capable of...

as far as I know, no child has ever been babied into adulthood.....and no addict is ever babied into sobriety.....

Wascally Wabbit

From experience, take him in only if you can handle:
*having your things and money stolen
*being lied to and manipulated on a daily basis
*listening to whining and complaining about how unfair life is
*having to deal with the police because of his threatening you or actually harming you
*your dishes or furniture being demollished in a fit of rage
*not being able to sleep till he comes home (at 3am)
*his personal hygene problems and general laziness around the house
*are willing to get phone calls all hours of the night from people looking for him
*getting in the middle of arguements with other family members over him
*getting calls at work that upset you and make your work day miserable
*having your peaceful home life turn into a chaotic, and fearful existance.

I might add that I refused my own son to live with me. He is now living in a halfway house where he is doing quite well.

hope2bhappy

If you do... you will wish you had set yourself on fire and jumped off a cliff, instead. Your chances for a healthy survival would be about the same.