TDinATL

Hi All,

I wanted to ask this here since I know that lot of others have more experience with the proper way to handle things properly. My wife and I are separated, due to her drinking and a big fight we had as a result of it. She's currently mad at me and believes it's all my fault.

With Valentine's Day approaching I'd love to give her a small gift to let her know that I still love her but don't want to do anything that says I'm caving in.

Should I just keep my distance for now it would it be appropriate to give gift considering the holiday.

Thanks.

Barbara52

I would treat it like any other day.

When I left I had no contact with my AH 'casue I wanted no contact with him. A rather phony holiday wouldn't change that for me.

Zak68

Oddly enough the flowers I sent my wife from ProFlowers arrived frozen and dead. Kinda ironic, it's just like our marriage. =)

LucyA

I could be talking rubbish here, feel free to ignore me if you think I am, but sometimes the giving of a gift is more important to the giver than to the reciever. It's our way of showing that we do care, and are thinking of that person.
I'd say, if you feel you want to give a gift then do so, but make it appropriate to the situation, for example, I wouldn't choose anything too personal like jewellery or perfume or anything too romantic like chocolates or flowers. Maybe a meaningfull book or even just a framed verse or something, something that means something but isn't too personal to the two of you.

Having said all that please bear in mind I've never had a partner who was an A so maybe I don't see things from the same perspective as many people here. Whatever you choose to do, don't sweat it too much, it's just a day for the shops to make money anyway really, it's the everyday things that really do count in life.

FormerDoormat

What's wrong with this picture?

Valentine's Day is here and you're focusing on the love of your life. Your wife is doing the same thing--only the love of her life is not you, it's alcohol.

I no longer invest my heart and money on sentiments that will never be returned.

denny57

I eventually came to feel shame for "showing" someone how much I loved them, to have them turn around and crap on me.

I hate feeling shame.

AskingWhy

All I'm getting AW is a card...and not a mushy one either. Just a basic card. That's it. I'm sure she'll be disappointed, but oh well...I stay that way because she insists on drinking every night.

TDinATL

Very good points, thanks to all. I agree LucyA, I think it would be more meaningful to me. I think I'm still in this fantasy world - thinking that if I show her I love her then she'll start to see clearer. I guess I wanted something to say "I love you." without saying "Please feel free to drag me back on your roller-coaster whenever you need to." Silly, huh?

Also another good point-I'm focusing on the love of my life and so is she... bet I don't get no gift on Valentine's Day! Maybe Mr. (Bud) Wiser will get something. :-)

TDinATL

Question...

AW = Alcoholic Wife / AH = Alcoholic Husband???

hbb

yes

A - alcoholic/addict
AW = Alcoholic wife
AH = Alcholic husband
exabf = ex alcoholic boyfriend
stbxah/w = soon to be ex alcoholic husband/wife

there are alot more but i can't think right now lol!!! Sorry!

Rella927

A lot of great post's on this...not much for me to add...

I did not buy anything for mine way back when, we were not together-and he tried his hardest to make me feel guilty afterwards-Got to love recovery because it did not work anymore!

Hang in there-

Mair

If my xab sent me a card i would call it manipulation.

Mairxx

Daisy30

I would say by NOT getting her anything you are showing her you care.

TDinATL

Thanks for the advice everyone. I took it to heard and then totally threw it out the window. :-)

I got my wife a small book by Max Lucado titled God Loves You. All the cards were too romantic or too "fun". I simply wrote inside - Happy Valentine's Day, Love, Me.

She sent me an email and said thanks for the book, an hour later she sent me one telling me she intended to take my stereo and would get the rest next weekend.

Live and learn, I do appreciate the input - even if I stupidly ignored it....

Pick-a-name

(((TDinATL)))

Pick-a-name

Take YOUR stereo? Maybe since she left,she'll have to make-do with out one or figure out something else. That's what AH had to do. Our son told him we used the stereo,also, so it wasn't leaving the house. haha

I'm all for letting people have what is theirs,etc but why make it easier for them to trod over and thru other peoples' lives? jmho