Humor in crisis
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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Humor in crisis
Seems like some folks here have a hard time letting go of drama and pain and cannot find that humor is a release of the drama and pain of addiction.
Guess thats why my *I own an alcoholic* thread was yanked.
Maybe reading this might be of service to some.
Humor is one of the healthiest and most powerful methods to help provide perspective on life's difficult experiences, and it is frequently shared during periods of crisis. However, during a crisis humor is often experienced and perceived by individuals immersed in the crisis as insensitive and even hurtful. What then, differentiates healthful and harmful humor in a crisis?
We know that, in general, humor aimed at oneself is well received by others. When we are the target of our own humor, others share our humor but are not threatened or injured by it. Humor aimed at situations is also generally appreciated by others, since it, too, has a target other than another person or group of people. Humor aimed at other individuals or groups may be harmful and not well received as it often is used to put down, insult, or degrade another.
If humor aimed at situations is generally safe, then what is it that causes some humor in crisis situations to be experienced negatively by those in crisis? The answer lies in the psychology of the human response to crisis. Psychologically during a crisis those individuals closest to the crisis are likely to integrate the crisis into their internal emotional being. That is to say, psychologically, they merge the crisis experience with their own inner emotional state. Essentially, they are unable to separate their inner emotional self from the emotional experience of the crisis. On the other hand, individuals with some distance from the crisis are less likely to experience this merging of self and crisis. Those with some distance, therefore, may be aided by humor because it reinforces perspective and creates a safe distance from the crisis. Those immersed in the crisis experience humor aimed at the crisis as directed at themselves and therefore, as insensitive.
As time passes and distance from the crisis is achieved, those who were once close to the crisis may be aided by humor. How many times have we heard the expression, "It wasn't funny at the time." It wasn't funny because the individual was too close to the difficult situation. Later as some distance is gained a humorous perspective is accepted and even appreciated.
My ex husband appears to be missing or dead, at the moment. I am very concerned and slept little last night, but excuse me, I refuse to dwell on that misery and will do what it takes to pull out of this fear. I guess Im not good at being a martyr and self-inflictor of great emotional distress anymore.
Guess thats why my *I own an alcoholic* thread was yanked.
Maybe reading this might be of service to some.
Humor is one of the healthiest and most powerful methods to help provide perspective on life's difficult experiences, and it is frequently shared during periods of crisis. However, during a crisis humor is often experienced and perceived by individuals immersed in the crisis as insensitive and even hurtful. What then, differentiates healthful and harmful humor in a crisis?
We know that, in general, humor aimed at oneself is well received by others. When we are the target of our own humor, others share our humor but are not threatened or injured by it. Humor aimed at situations is also generally appreciated by others, since it, too, has a target other than another person or group of people. Humor aimed at other individuals or groups may be harmful and not well received as it often is used to put down, insult, or degrade another.
If humor aimed at situations is generally safe, then what is it that causes some humor in crisis situations to be experienced negatively by those in crisis? The answer lies in the psychology of the human response to crisis. Psychologically during a crisis those individuals closest to the crisis are likely to integrate the crisis into their internal emotional being. That is to say, psychologically, they merge the crisis experience with their own inner emotional state. Essentially, they are unable to separate their inner emotional self from the emotional experience of the crisis. On the other hand, individuals with some distance from the crisis are less likely to experience this merging of self and crisis. Those with some distance, therefore, may be aided by humor because it reinforces perspective and creates a safe distance from the crisis. Those immersed in the crisis experience humor aimed at the crisis as directed at themselves and therefore, as insensitive.
As time passes and distance from the crisis is achieved, those who were once close to the crisis may be aided by humor. How many times have we heard the expression, "It wasn't funny at the time." It wasn't funny because the individual was too close to the difficult situation. Later as some distance is gained a humorous perspective is accepted and even appreciated.
My ex husband appears to be missing or dead, at the moment. I am very concerned and slept little last night, but excuse me, I refuse to dwell on that misery and will do what it takes to pull out of this fear. I guess Im not good at being a martyr and self-inflictor of great emotional distress anymore.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Originally Posted by Miss Pink 
Humor aimed at other individuals or groups may be harmful and not well received as it often is used to put down, insult, or degrade another.
I appreciate the information you've shared, especially the above quote. Its a fine line for sure, but sometimes decisions are made in the best interest of all.
(((Hugs)))
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
I love humor....couldn't live without it....got me by when my parents were trying to kill eachother...I know many people whom I admire with a great sense of humor. My husband and I have great senses of humor. I don't think I would be sane at all, without humor.
That being said, humor rings strange for some when it is at the expense of someone else. For example, most people will agree that making fun of someone for being handicaped is not funny. Humor at the expense of the handicaped individual is not funny. So we have to examine our motives when using humor.
I am sure this is mostly a group of fun-loving individuals here at SR. Where else will you find the line "Codaholic Alcodependent"? (thanks Astro) What would we do without FormerDoormat? Thank you FormerDoormat....I love your humor...there are so many, too many cool people to list...I thank you all for your humor.
For me, It gets awkward when the humor is soley at the expense of another person....maybe even a person who is gravely ill.
Those are my thoughts...
That being said, humor rings strange for some when it is at the expense of someone else. For example, most people will agree that making fun of someone for being handicaped is not funny. Humor at the expense of the handicaped individual is not funny. So we have to examine our motives when using humor.
I am sure this is mostly a group of fun-loving individuals here at SR. Where else will you find the line "Codaholic Alcodependent"? (thanks Astro) What would we do without FormerDoormat? Thank you FormerDoormat....I love your humor...there are so many, too many cool people to list...I thank you all for your humor.
For me, It gets awkward when the humor is soley at the expense of another person....maybe even a person who is gravely ill.
Those are my thoughts...
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
One of the people who best uses humor to defuse miserable situations is Anne Lamott, especially in "Bird by Bird". One of her best lines referring to some highly stressful event (whatever it was) making her feel like taking "a nice long drink of warm gin straight out of the cat dish." (she didn't, of course) Even being ACoA, I giggle like crazy when I read her stuff.
And like you said, it all works because it's pointed at herself, not at others.
Humor can be the way out of some pretty dark forests.
And like you said, it all works because it's pointed at herself, not at others.
Humor can be the way out of some pretty dark forests.
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