LucyA

I've detached myself from my brothers drinking, I see him around, we speak sometimes, I see his son lots more than I see him, and I'm happy now, I'm not involved in the dramas, I don't feel the need to keep an eye on a grown man in case he does something stupid anymore, we have lots of mutual friends and aquaintances who tell me things about him, but nowadays I can just not react and instead say Oh well, it's his choice. Mostly my life is calm and happy, apart from lifes everyday little ups and downs.

My mum however, picks him up everytime he seems to be falling, sometimes shes even there before he does, sometimes she persuades my dad to do it (dad drives, mum doesnt) she reacts to every little thing he does, so many times I can't even pick one example right now.

I think the difference between us is if theres a 'problem' of any kind I want to know as much about it as I can, so I'm prepared, which is why I looked and found this site (for which I'm so grateful) but my mum, well, she knows best as far as she's concerned. She 'doesn't do' the internet at all, she wont go out to find books for herself and I've no intention of even trying to explain addiction to her at all, I've found a support group near me, which I'm going to try next week but theres not a cat in hells chance she'll come with me (it's not al anon, but anything is better than nothing as far as I'm concerned)

So my questions to you are, can you advise me on any literature I could have with me at her house and sort of 'forget' to take home with me? and is it really worth a shot?

I have to say, if my parents werent in bad health to start with I probably wouldn't try to do anything, I'd let them find their own way to deal with it, but I can see them wasting away in front of me. I don't want to tell them what to do, and I don't think I know any better than they do, but I'd like them to live whats left of their own lives rather than my brothers life.

LucyA

I'm sorry, didnt realise how long this was until I actually posted it, thanks for reading it x

Daisy30

"Getting Them Sober" is a quick easy read. The chapters are short and to the point. This may be something easy for her to read.

SerenitySeaker

Lucy,
Trying to get your mom to stop enabling is like trying to get your brother to stop using.
No one can make it happen but them. It's unfortunate but it's true, I have an AH and 2 brothers who are A's so I see what my mom goes through. Even after all she has seen me go through she still just thinks if my brother would stop drinking life would be grand. I tried to get her to go to Alanon and she did, but wasn't truly willing.

Remember just as your brother is addicted to alcohol your mom is addicted to him. Our addiction to people isn't easy to break. It is what it is but nothing is going to change until your mom decides for herself that she is sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Sending you both prayers and positive thoughts.

LucyA

Thank you, thats pretty much the way I was thinking, I'm not going to beat myself up and go all out to try to make her stop, if I leave a book there she doesnt even have to read it but if she does................well.........maybe.
But that really is as far as I'm prepared to go.

SerenitySeaker

Lucy,
That's really all you can do. Leave her a book but know it's up to her to pick it up. You be supportive and compassionate without getting reeled in. Sometimes easier said than done, I know but you're in the right place for getting lots of encouragement.