kraze3

I'm new here. I just found this website while scrolling through google a bit.

I am at the point where I feel maybe a website like this, with people who are in the same situtation or have been might help me to do what I need to do.

I am married to my high school sweetheart and we have the greatest 3 kids. My husband is an amazing worker and father. Always there for whatever they would need.

I just have a problem with his drinking. My husband never drinks and drives and he doesn't drink liqour. Only beer. He had a problem a few years ago when he was at this point and we almost split so he stopped completly and than started drinking again a few months later but always seemed to have a good handle on it. In July my mother-in-law passed away (from drinking) at the young age of 46. He has increased since then. Alot. We are also making a big move and I know that is stressful but he is drinking a ton again and it is breaking my heart. His drinking never affects work or the kids. He works that around really well. It's mostly just at night when the kids are in bed he just drinks and drinks til he passes out. It is killing me inside. I feel so alone. My husband is the most amazing person, I don't want to loose him to this.

Thank you for listening.

daisies

You have come to a wonderful place as a lot of us could have written the same post that you just have. I have been in your shoes as well. I had been with my AH (alcoholic husband) for the past 15 years. His drinking progressed from beer, to wine, and finally to hard liquor. Alcoholism is progressive. My advice to you is to put down boundaries (something I should have done a long time ago). Keep reading and posting. Read the stickies at the top as well.

hope2bhappy

My AH was a beer drinker for years. Listening to that sound of a beer can being opened was like fingernails across a chalk board for me. Then it suddenly stopped. He completely quit drinking beer, but he was drunker than ever. I discovered why one day when I went to the storage room to look for a hammer. Bottles of vodka everywhere... empty, half empty, full... oodles of them. My point being, that he may drink "only beer" now, but he will progress to something harder, so you should be prepared for this. The progression of this disease is cookie cutter... it seems to be the same for all of them.

Regarding the stress he is under... we all tend to make excuses for our loved one's drinking in the beginning. He had a bad childhood, he's having trouble at work, we're having to move, his mother/father just died... These excuses we make for them are part of our own denial. The truth is, you are in the middle of all the same stresses, but you aren't getting drunk because of them.

Take some time to read through some of the posts, read the stickies at the top of the page, familiarize yourself with the disease, and welcome to the group.

DESIGNER

Same situation with me. He drank beer. Well so did I. We were still pretty young and I thought that he would grow out of it. The day that I realized that he had a problem I was cleaning house and underneath the couch were a couple water bottles....what were these there for? Wierd so I decided to drink some water......well as you all probably know it was not water but vodka. Well after that I kept quite and decided to investigate.....went out to our storage unit on the deck and I opened it up and looked inside(his stuff was the only stuff outside...never went in there) I found like 3 or 4 big things of empty vodka bottles. I completly freaked out. I could not believe it. I knew that he drank rum with coke for a while but had switched to beer....I thought because he thought it was not as bad for him but in reality he was drinking almost every night in front of me vodka and beer. Wow. That is when I decided to get his family involved. That was 2 yrs ago and I still find water bottles of vodka everyonce in while. Not for long though because I am getting the hell out of the tornado that I am in.

My abf is also really a sweet guy and a hard worker-i have been told. It does not matter. Alcoholism does progress....never thought it would with my boyfriend but I have seen it progress over the past 2 yrs.

I hope that this will not happen with your husband but just beaware. I found that for him beer did not give him the same buzz...wasn't strong enough. He went to the harder stuff and I believe that vodka is one of the hardest drinks out there.

kraze3

I want to thank you all for your messages. It has helped me more than you know, for the first time is about 5 years I don't feel alone.

I am hoping he doesn't go to the hard stuff but after reading your posts I will have to open my eyes more and hope that he isn't sneaking around with it.

My husband does drink alot of beer to get the buzz and it is so expensive and drives me nuts. He can drink a 24 in one night. It will knock him out but me, well I could never drink that much.

I am not a big drinker. I used to be a social drinker (just with friends, etc.) but now after I have seen my step father-in-law die from it at age 44 in 2003 (his drink was vodka and he drank it like water) my mother-in-law last July at age 46 and I see my father-in-law going that way and my husband. Honestly I might have 1 drink about 4 times a year but other than that the thought of it makes me sick.

I loved the post about the beer can opening being like fingers down a chalk board because that related to me so much. Some nights when he comes home from work I'll be so happy and in a wonderful mood then I will see him come in with a case of beer and I feel so angry.

He knows how I feel about his drinking. We almost split in 2005 because of it. I was at my end. And he actually stopped for 2 months. The best months in my whole life. He slowly got back to where he was about 7 months ago. He makes promises to cut down and I guess I make empty threats to leave and I never do. I know that is wrong. I don't want him to die like his family, it scares me. My worst fear is that I know it can be heriditary, so I look at my 3 beautiful children and wonder if I don't fix this, who will inheriate it? It terrifies me and breaks my heart.

Last night I found this site because I was so upset. Our children are with my mom for the weekend and we were supposted to spend some quality time together. We had a wonderful day yesterday and went out to dinner. We went to a neighbours house and my husband said we would only stay for an hour then we could have the rest of the evening together. We stayed for 3 hours and then I was ready to go. I have torn the cartlidge in my knee so I told him that I was in alot of pain and needed to go home and why don't we leave and spend the evening together like we planned. He at this point probably had about 10 beers (give or take) and I was hoping to get him home before he was to drunk. I actually went home by myself (we only live about 5 steps away) at 11pm and stayed to get drunker. I cried myself to sleep wondering when he would get home and in what state.

He came home at 5:30am.

Sorry the post was so long but getting that out really helped.

Thanks again for everything. I am so happy to have found this board.

denny57

Welcome, kraze3, glad you're here!

If I could do one thing over (yet still meet all the great people I have) it would have been to stay split the first time I knew there was a drinking "problem." That was about a year into our relationship, in 1989.

"He knows how I feel about his drinking." How does it make you feel that he knows it and chooses to continue?

It sounds like you are both young and you have a lot on your plate with 3 children - any chance you could try an Al-Anon meeting or seek some counseling for yourself?

You are not alone.

nowinsituation

Kraze3 - Welcome to SR! I am pretty new here myself, but I well remember how I felt when I found this site and got connected to many smart, caring, compassionate people who knew exactly how I felt. I didn't feel crazy anymore. Living with an A, and a family of A's -- they believe they are the "normal" ones and you are "crazy". But, something in your gut keeps telling you that it's just not right. Things will get better when you start listening to your gut! There is lots of information in the sticky's above, and lots of good books to read that will help you understand.

Keep reading and keep posting. You will get lots of support and advice!

DESIGNER

This happens to me all the time. We agree to go and do something together-like go hang out with friends-he promises me that we won't stay but like 3 or 4 hrs and that he will drink a few beers.Well some nights we do go home early but he will be mad at me because I usually have to get mad because he doesn't want to leave just yet or I end up going home by myself and he will basically stay out all night and drink as much as they want and come crawl in bed with me in the early morning hours reaking of beer.

I know how you are feeling. I am not sure of how old you are but I am 27. I think that at least by 25 or 26 hanging out with friends does not have to consist of all nighters. I mean we used to do that together when we first met....we would stay out all night but I was just fresh out of college also. I now have a real job with real responsiblities and I don't like staying out all night and feeling so tired in the morning. I guess I grew up faster then him and always thought that he would follow right after-that is why I stayed. He is now 28 and soon to be 29 and living the same exact lifestyle we were living 4 yrs ago. Well my time has come to leave. It has taken a very long time to be able to get the courage to leave.....always thought that he would change....endless promises and even a couple of months with no drinking here and there. I also thought that those months were so wonderful. We had the best relationship. I even see it change with us even when he really lessons it.
For him though our relationship is ending because of other reasons other than alcohol. That is called denial.

Take care of yourself.

kraze3

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this as well Designer yet partly releaved to find someone right where I am as well.

I also want to again thank everyone for all their posts and support, it is helping more than you will know.

I am also 27 and my husband is 29. We did start out young and had our first child when I was 18.

I am continuing to look through the site and find strength through that.

Also in response to the one question I was asked about "he knows how I feel about his drinking" and how do I feel that he knows about it and continues. I feel hurt and angry. Hurt mostly now.

I think I always knew he had a problem but didn't really clue into it and was denying it and maybe telling myself I was over reacting. The revelation of this site has been healing and overwhelming.

Thanks again for everything.

kraze3

Designer I also wanted to say how I admire the courage you have to end your relationship and to be strong enough to take care of you.

I am hoping one day (soon) to be able to have that strength or for him to get better.

Which ever comes first.

Chrysalis123

Hi Kraze,

I'm sorry you are going through all this with your husband. My AH ditches me all the time. When we first were married he would promise me we would only stay at the bar, party, whatever for a reasonable amount of time. I would always end up abandoned and go home alone. Eventually, I stopped going out with him and then he told me what a party pooper I was, I was a nag etc. etc. Funny, he never thought of my feelings only his. Funny, he only had fun at his outings and at mine (like work functions) he would pout and act all put out. It took me over 10 years to see the pattern and his near fatal DUI accident to wake me up to the idea he was an alcoholic. I drove myself insane with bad feelings....I see the insanity of that behavior now.

Anyway, what helped me a lot were some books. One is called "How Alanon Works" and my library has it. That was a real eye opener for me and i realized that what was happening in my life was not unique. I could relate and I was not alone. I also really like the little daily readers Alanon puts out. I have 2 and one is called "Courage to Change" and the other is "Hope for Tomorrow". The third thing that helped was drumming up the courage to attend an actual Alanon meeting. It took so much courage and I was so scared but everyone smiled at me and they even hugged me and told me to come back. I made myself share and I burst into sobs and I felt so much better to actually not be alone and isolated anymore.

You are not alone anymore...welcome.

kraze3

Thank you so much.

I know I am not alone anymore. Thanks so much for that.

I am going to look into those books.