Hello :)
 

hello,

I just recieved this link to this site while asking for support on another forum.
Am I ever glad I have found it!
It sounds as if the people here are filled with knowledge and the support seems to be overwhelming.

I am a 22 year old mother to 2 boys with another LO on the way.

I recently just met my father who is a recovering alcholic. (6 years sober)

I have not attended any Alanon meetings, as my days are quite full.. but have been thinking about it.

I have had a very hard time processing all the hurt and pain that comes with having never known my father due to alcholism, and now trying to reconnect with him is rather difficult, because I simply do not understand it.
My first son's father is also an alcoholic, and I left as soon as I found out I was pregnant. He tried to hit me, and I packed up and moved into a woman's homeless shelter for a month, and then into a home for young pregnant woman.
He has supervised access to his son (now 3 yrs old) But we haven't seen or heard from him since November when I told him I would no longer supervise the visits so he could sleep on my couch or watch my TV.

I am so happy to have found a place to share what little knowledge I have gained through my experiences, and hope to learn more from others here. If I can be of any support to anyone, I will do my best.

Thanks for having a site like this.
Its such a needed thing.

TLNS

Welcome to SR TNLS. I'm glad you found us! Keep on posting, looking forward to getting to know you better.

lily xxxxxxxxx

Welcome! Keep posting and reading. There are a lot of great people in here.

Just wanted to give you a warm welcome and do pull up a chair and read any of our histories by clicking on any of our names ok.....glad to meet you...keep posting.

I can understand your situation as I am the adult child of an alcoholic and then went on to marry on....(was married 22 yrs) I was so detached from my mothers chaos all through my high school years that I never really understood that she was an alcoholic until I was in my late 20"s....but when I found out and wrapped my mind around it....it made all the things that she said and did and worse didn't say or do....make sense to me. Sooooo don't worry about the relationship with your dad....time will give that back to you okay. Take it a day at a time and when he calls just be as friendly as you can so as to leave that open door ok....

Take care little one...

Janitw

Welcome TLNS! Glad to see you and hope to get to know you.

I want to say it is a blessing that your dad is sober for 6 yrs...that is great!

I am an adult child of alcoholics as well. Both of my parents were A's my whole life growing up. A few years after I moved out, my mom got sober. My dad passed away while still an alcoholic...that was 2yrs ago...I adored my dad growing up...but as his disease progressed all of his relationships went downhill. I was in recovery long enough to let my resentments go before he died.

That being said, I really enjoy stories of parents getting sober and accumulating years of sobriety...They are trully miracles. It takes time to build a new healthy relationship. Just be patient with yourself and keep coming back to SR.

SR is such a wonderful community!

Hi!

I also just recently found this board.

I am also the child of an alcoholic. My father has never gotten sober, so I think that's great your father did. I have resolved my issues with my dad and learned to accept that it's part of who he is and I can't cange that. What I can change is how I live my life. I still have a lot of lessons to learn because I just got out of a relationship with another alcoholic, but I hope they will come in time.

You sound like a really strong girl! I'm struggling with my break-up without the added responsibility of a child.

I've read a lot of post the past few days and it's really helping.

thats for all the warm welcomes!

The door has always been left over for my dad. I finally searched him out through the internet by having an old neighbour contact me. He in turned was the one who found him, and I made that first call.

He is doing well, for the most part.
I however, still have some growing to do.

I do not understand the AA process at all, and how life consuming it is for him. Does it always stay that way?

Thanks again for all the warm welcomes :)

Welcome TNLS so glad that you found us! :hug:

Sorry that you are going through this pain right now-

I would consider going to a Al-Anon meeting as they have helped me deal with many of life's issues and I have been learning everyday how to have a better life for myself. It is worth giving it a shot!

I lost my father about 12 years ago and through a bitter, ugly divorce my mother put a lot of fear into me with regards to my father from the time I was 8 years old ( I remember my father as this loving man who tucked me in everynight and read me a story-my mom was the very ill one and told me otherwise-but I knew in my heart and gutt that she was not telling me the truth, I was just afraid to speak out)-I did however have many phone conversations with him-which I thank God for-it helped to let go of him in a good way-because I know that he truly loved me. My father was a Doctor and a functioning A-I lost many years with him due to FEAR which no longer runs my life today-IMHO if you can get the chance to know your father today-it is worth trying-we have choices and if you do not feel comfortable you can make the choice to cut ties with him again.

Today I'm free to make the choices for me and to go with my gutt-Recovery works if we work it-

We all do sweets-
Good luck and keep posting! You are not alone! :a194:

"I do not understand the AA process at all, and how life consuming it is for him. Does it always stay that way? "

I relate to this because it is the same with my recovering mom. All I can say is I hope it will always stay that way. I got to see my mom before and after aa and believe me...this is better! Just hang in there....if the relationship with your dad is a good one and something you want to keep...you will get used to the aa thing. It just takes some getting used to. Be patient. In many ways, you and your dad are just getting to know eachother.

I agree that this is better than him drinking, but I feel as if his whole life revovles around AA, and I don't have much of a chance to speak with him, or see him because he is always dealing with something or another for, with AA.
I feel as if this has hindered our relationship because he is so much more focused soley on AA, then life. Isn't there life after ? Isn't there more to life than AA meetings? Isn't soberity a normal state? I am sorry if this offends anyone.. as I said before. I simply do not understand.. And I probably never will. I haven't been there, done that. So it makes it difficult for me to comprehend.
Thanks again everyone!

Hi and welcome to the forum. You are a woman of courage to have gone through what you have - you are a survivor. Trying to understand alcoholism is like trying to understand the depths of the universe. there are theories and everyone has one about this disease. Everyone here has a story, and a long list of experiences with the big A and if any of us knew how to fix it we would, beleive me, we have all tried.

Take care of yourself when it comes to your dad, you have a lot of courage in this instance as well to even try to reconnect, you have a heart and you have been hurt and I again, applaud your courage.

again, welcome, please keep posting and understand that WE understand and so many of us have gone through similiar circumstances. sharing really helps you and it helps us also.

All the best to you!! Glad you found us, I stumbled on by accident one day and I haven't left and that was a while ago.

L