Resentments
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 138
Resentments
I have been thinking a lot about resentments lately. I am trying to understand them which is not really that difficult. I can understand how they build over the course of time, I can understand that sometimes they exist unbeknownst to the person (me) holding them but what I can't seem to understand is how to release them.
I know that it takes time, I know that I need to trust my HP, I know that there was a reason that my life took me down that path, I know that there is a lesson to be learnt, I know I have to work on me and go to lots of meetings but how exactly does one TRULY lets go of resentments.
I imagine that is it easier to let go when there is also love involved but I am not sure it is as easy if the love is gone. When I say that the love is gone, I don't mean 'it's gone' as a resentment itself but that the love is completely devoid in the relationship.
I look forward to some input!
Thanks!
I know that it takes time, I know that I need to trust my HP, I know that there was a reason that my life took me down that path, I know that there is a lesson to be learnt, I know I have to work on me and go to lots of meetings but how exactly does one TRULY lets go of resentments.
I imagine that is it easier to let go when there is also love involved but I am not sure it is as easy if the love is gone. When I say that the love is gone, I don't mean 'it's gone' as a resentment itself but that the love is completely devoid in the relationship.
I look forward to some input!
Thanks!
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
This remindes me of that saying, "Swallowing the poison (resentments) ourselves and then waiting for the person (we resent) to die."
Not only did I resent my A father...I grew to hate him.
I am ashamed to say this now, in retrospect. But I am not the person I was.
I had to pray and meditate and ask for the willingness to let the resentment go. I was not humanly strong enough to be able to let my resentments go. It wasn't something *I* could do. I needed supernatural intervention.
My HP took my resentment away....a miracle.
The hatred was poisoning me, my life was unmanageable, I joined al-anon...and ever so slowly, I began to ask my HP to take my resentments away, in meditation. I know others prayed and meditated for me.
Somehow, I let go and He gave me the strength to trully *give* it to Him.
On a human level, I know what triggered this was hearing others whose story was much worse than mine, who had the recovery I wanted, speak about their freedom from resentments and the true unconditional love they had for the A's in their life, even if they could no longer be a part of eachother lives, face to face.
When I heard my dad was dying...I wrote him a letter, asked his forgiveness and gave him my forgiveness. He died shortly after. That letter was my HP's gift to me.
Not only did I resent my A father...I grew to hate him.
I am ashamed to say this now, in retrospect. But I am not the person I was.
I had to pray and meditate and ask for the willingness to let the resentment go. I was not humanly strong enough to be able to let my resentments go. It wasn't something *I* could do. I needed supernatural intervention.
My HP took my resentment away....a miracle.
The hatred was poisoning me, my life was unmanageable, I joined al-anon...and ever so slowly, I began to ask my HP to take my resentments away, in meditation. I know others prayed and meditated for me.
Somehow, I let go and He gave me the strength to trully *give* it to Him.
On a human level, I know what triggered this was hearing others whose story was much worse than mine, who had the recovery I wanted, speak about their freedom from resentments and the true unconditional love they had for the A's in their life, even if they could no longer be a part of eachother lives, face to face.
When I heard my dad was dying...I wrote him a letter, asked his forgiveness and gave him my forgiveness. He died shortly after. That letter was my HP's gift to me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
What worked for me was journaling. Whenever I felt angry, I wrote. In fact, I didn't call it my journal, I called it my "book of anger", lol. I have an entire spiral notebook filled with swear words, CAPS, underlines, and !!!!!!!!!!!! It took several months of spewing it all out on paper before it started to subside. But, I had to do something. And I didn't want to take it out on my kids or spew it all over SR. Getting it out on paper keeps it from racing around inside my brain making me crazy. 
L
L
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 138
Abstaining from the poison appears to be as difficult as it is for the addict to abstain from the alcohol.
Originally Posted by Growing 
This remindes me of that saying, "Swallowing the poison (resentments) ourselves and then waiting for the person (we resent) to die."
Not only did I resent my A father...I grew to hate him.
I am ashamed to say this now, in retrospect. But I am not the person I was.
I had to pray and meditate and ask for the willingness to let the resentment go. I was not humanly strong enough to be able to let my resentments go. It wasn't something *I* could do. I needed supernatural intervention.
My HP took my resentment away....a miracle.
The hatred was poisoning me, my life was unmanageable, I joined al-anon...and ever so slowly, I began to ask my HP to take my resentments away, in meditation. I know others prayed and meditated for me.
Somehow, I let go and He gave me the strength to trully *give* it to Him.
On a human level, I know what triggered this was hearing others whose story was much worse than mine, who had the recovery I wanted, speak about their freedom from resentments and the true unconditional love they had for the A's in their life, even if they could no longer be a part of eachother lives, face to face.
When I heard my dad was dying...I wrote him a letter, asked his forgiveness and gave him my forgiveness. He died shortly after. That letter was my HP's gift to me.
Not only did I resent my A father...I grew to hate him.
I am ashamed to say this now, in retrospect. But I am not the person I was.
I had to pray and meditate and ask for the willingness to let the resentment go. I was not humanly strong enough to be able to let my resentments go. It wasn't something *I* could do. I needed supernatural intervention.
My HP took my resentment away....a miracle.
The hatred was poisoning me, my life was unmanageable, I joined al-anon...and ever so slowly, I began to ask my HP to take my resentments away, in meditation. I know others prayed and meditated for me.
Somehow, I let go and He gave me the strength to trully *give* it to Him.
On a human level, I know what triggered this was hearing others whose story was much worse than mine, who had the recovery I wanted, speak about their freedom from resentments and the true unconditional love they had for the A's in their life, even if they could no longer be a part of eachother lives, face to face.
When I heard my dad was dying...I wrote him a letter, asked his forgiveness and gave him my forgiveness. He died shortly after. That letter was my HP's gift to me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 138
Check out Growing's post regarding resentment on the link below.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1658214
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1658214
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
i was full of anger and resentments one night and i got a huge artist pad, about 24x24 and i wrote in GIANT letters and just filled the thing up. great big exclamation points and all kinds of diggings with the ink pen and i tell you, after an hour of that, i felt great.
a week or so later i threw it in the recycle bin. all done.
resentment scares me. in the addicts and in me. i detox it the best i can as soon as i can as safely as i can.
a week or so later i threw it in the recycle bin. all done.
resentment scares me. in the addicts and in me. i detox it the best i can as soon as i can as safely as i can.
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