LaTeeDa

Ah, wouldn't it be great if everyone else in the world did things my way, lived up to my standards, and behaved the way I expect them to. I would never be uncomfortable, or sad, or angry, or hurt again, right? And I would never have to consider my beliefs, or behaviors, or habits, or expectations. What a wonderful world it would be.

But, alas, just as was pointed out in my career thread, that's not reality. I can change my beliefs, behaviors, habits and expectations and accept the people in my life as they are, or I can choose to eliminate those from my life who are nowhere near me in beliefs, behaviors, attitudes, etc. Either way, it is me who must make my life work for me, not others.

I'll be #1003. Are we getting near critical mass, yet?

L

LaTeeDa

sorry, duplicate post.

Barbara52

If for no reason other than the substantial cost of therapy appointments, I always make sure I am ready with what I want to work on during any session. That may lead to a discussion I didn't plan on but at least I have a starting point. I find it works better for me to own my therapy rather than giving control of it to the therapist.

hbb

Barbara, i agree, i was at work thinking of a direction. But nothing drastic for the first time came to mind. So yes, it did turn out that way, i did most of the talking. For me, usually i'm racing to get to that couch with an issue lol. It was nice to have a possitive session and not feel as though i was dying to get there like usual.

karmakoma

Nothing in this thread of 50+ posts that sparked off something to take to your therapist?

hbb

I've talked about suggestions and help that i've received here at SR, sure. Even yesterday we were talking about it and she said it sounded like you guys were giving good advice. All i meant was that it wasn't a dyer need appt. like i often feel weekly.

In fact YOUR suggestions of the letter and chair were our topic among others

cagefree

hey heather - hugs to you!

A snail is still moving - you WILL get there if you keep working on yourself.

I think that sometimes we see others who are where we want to be and wonder why we just can't stop thinking things we don't want to think about or not yet able to see ourselves the way we want to.

It didn't take us a week or two to become codependents and it is not going to take a couple weeks to break free of years of behavioural conditioning.

For me, I was very impatient and wanted things to happen quickly, quickly becomeing frustrated with not seeing immediate fruits of my labors! Well, I slowly started seeing changes...There would be moments of a few seconds where I became filled with acceptance for myself adn self worth - then would revert back to my self-doubt and self beatings...but I figured if I had finally felt something I never had never been taught to feel before, I WAS making progress. I kept working at it - soon I began to feel self worth more and more until I went from just knowing in my head that I was acceptable, to actually feeling it as well. This occurred more and more.

I don't think it's whether or not you wake up one day and no longer think of your ex - but that as time goes on you wake up day after day and begin to think more and more of yourself and where your life is going - which replaces thoughts of your ex and makes them obsolete.

I used to pine for XABF's validation that he was a creep and should rot in hell. I don't feel animosity anymore and don't believe he was evil - I'm indifferent and wouldn't wish bad on him the same way that I don't wish bad on a stranger walking down the street.

You'll get there - please don't let anyone make you feel that your timeline isn't fast enough or what it should be. As long as you are working, sharing your feelings and being honest with yourself, how could you do anything but succeed?

hbb

I believe this is what is happening to me now. I'm indifferent and think less of him during the day than thinking of him. Not hearing any gossip is also working out well for me. I can say that this whole week (other than work issues) has genuinley been a happy week for me.

My focus has been for the most part on myself. It's way too long of a story, but on Monday i had my 9 year review and used my "recovery tools" during that. I'm starting to actualy like me for me and that is a HUGE step for me. I know i still have alot of work but i definately think i took major leaps this week, not to say i won't fall back a step or two.

For everyone that is new here, stick around, i am a prime example of someone that NEVER would have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't get me wrong, i have my days and weeks but the way i feel right this moment is a billion times better than i ever imagined. Whether it was love or tough love, you guys have literally saved me and i'm so thankful.

To my new friends, keep posting, keep asking questions and most important of all, take care of YOU

disclaimer....i still have the right to melt down once in a while lol!!!!!!

hbb

Awwwww you knew those balloons would eventually work didn't ya!!!!

Thanks!!

Barbara52

How wonderful to read how well you are doing! Great progress dear!

hbb

thought i'd continue here instead of starting a new thread.

Just when things were on the rebound, my foot is healed, i'm feeling better, i end up in the hospital with bronchitis on Sunday So now i've been home since.

Bummed today, probably because im cooped up and decided to go on line and play some cribbage and guess who's there....J. I soooo want to flip on him and ask him why but what's the point, keep telling myself that silence is the cure and not to let him get the best of me. Gosh, why do i let this stuff bother me still???

denny57

At least there's a solution. Find another cribbage site :-) Hope you're feeling better soon.

ICU

When I'm not feeling well, everything seems to be magnified and worse than it really is.

Hope you feel better soon!

hbb

Yup your both exactly right, i went about my business in the site but probably should have completely left it. And yes, magnified definitely. I"m trying my best not to get into a funk this week while sick. I think about last year this time on valentines day when i had the flu and J couldn't even drop me off ginger ale!! Great guy, see what i'm missing