Life is comin at me hard today
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Life is comin at me hard today
Wow, I got the call, he gets out of treatment. It was wierd. He has been sober 6 weeks he said but if he went in the friday before Christmas that makes it 5? I don't know, he said it's the longest he has been sober for 3 yrs, more like 5 if you ask me. Any way he said he is going to work on staying sober and get a job so he can send money for the kids. He also said he would start sending letters.
fighting with my parents, again mostly because of my alcholic brother. I'm done I walked out of the house telling them that I didn't want to be a part of this family, my brother accused me of selling the house out from under Mom and Dad, (they got a reverse mortgage, I had nothing to do with it) stelling there money, yes they helped me before I sold the house I gave them the money back after the sale. They would rather tell the drunk lies and keep him in there home when I so desperatly needed somewhere to go with my kids.
At my wits end.....Feeling sorry for myself thats all.
fighting with my parents, again mostly because of my alcholic brother. I'm done I walked out of the house telling them that I didn't want to be a part of this family, my brother accused me of selling the house out from under Mom and Dad, (they got a reverse mortgage, I had nothing to do with it) stelling there money, yes they helped me before I sold the house I gave them the money back after the sale. They would rather tell the drunk lies and keep him in there home when I so desperatly needed somewhere to go with my kids.
At my wits end.....Feeling sorry for myself thats all.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Oh Kermie, I am so sorry.
Many times our blood families do not understand at all what we have and are going through. I know for me personally, my first few years in sobriety, my 'family' were the people I was closed to in the program of AA. And to be honest, there are still times to this day, that I am closer to someone in AA than I am to my sister or cousin.
That might just be me, but today I know I do not have to EXPLAIN MYSELF to anyone! I know I am being the best me I can be today.
Kermie you have gone WAY ABOVE AND BEYOND the call of duty to keep you children and yourself protected.
Give yourself a big PAT ON THE BACK.
No reason to feel sorry for yourself. You are doing AN EXCELLENT JOB!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Many times our blood families do not understand at all what we have and are going through. I know for me personally, my first few years in sobriety, my 'family' were the people I was closed to in the program of AA. And to be honest, there are still times to this day, that I am closer to someone in AA than I am to my sister or cousin.
That might just be me, but today I know I do not have to EXPLAIN MYSELF to anyone! I know I am being the best me I can be today.
Kermie you have gone WAY ABOVE AND BEYOND the call of duty to keep you children and yourself protected.
Give yourself a big PAT ON THE BACK.
No reason to feel sorry for yourself. You are doing AN EXCELLENT JOB!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Anywhere,USA
Posts: 511
Take care of yourself and your children.
Do not allow anyone to take you hostage!
I've been there, done that, got the tee-shirt.
Life's been better since I've decided to only worry about those things which are things that I "can control"....
Sometimes I have to repeat the serenity prayer over and over and OVER, and OVER again....
Do not allow anyone to take you hostage!
I've been there, done that, got the tee-shirt.
Life's been better since I've decided to only worry about those things which are things that I "can control"....
Sometimes I have to repeat the serenity prayer over and over and OVER, and OVER again....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Kermie, I feel for ya. My mom is also queen of the guilt trip. Luckily, I live 1200 miles away from her so she can only attempt to guilt me via phone. 
Dilutes it down a little when it has to travel so far.
It's not a question of how strong you are. Obviously you are very strong. Look at all you have done! It's simply a matter of getting clear about where your responsibilities lie. You are a single mom. That is your prime directive. You must parent your children, not parent your parent. I know you know this.
Now turn off the phone and say the serenity prayer.
L
Dilutes it down a little when it has to travel so far. It's not a question of how strong you are. Obviously you are very strong. Look at all you have done! It's simply a matter of getting clear about where your responsibilities lie. You are a single mom. That is your prime directive. You must parent your children, not parent your parent. I know you know this.
Now turn off the phone and say the serenity prayer.
L
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by nowinsituation 
I wish I could be stronger, but I'm not...
Try turning that statement around to have a more positive meaning. Perhaps something like "I am not as strong as I want to be but I am stronger than I was yesterday. Today I will be stronger still."
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Now Mom said that if I don't help her she might as well die and is going to take a bottle of pills.
MAybe this is why I'm so f uped
MAybe this is why I'm so f uped
She tries that one again, look her dead in the eye and say "Well Mom, committing Sucicide is against the law here in California (it is) so I guess I better call 911." and then reach the phone.
You will see immediate 'back pedaling' on her part. And if for one second you do believe she is serious, call 911 anyway.
You are NOT RESPONSIBLE for everyone in your life! Your responsibilities are to yourself and your children.
I know it's hard! It's part of that 'codependency' we have, wanting to keep things smooth and no waves.
Well, the time comes that we do say ENOUGH. I believe you are getting close now.
You have come so far.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
"Now Mom said that if I don't help her she might as well die and is going to take a bottle of pills."
Boy did this statement rile me. I get daily mini-guilt trips from my dad and have for decades. Now I just ignore him or tell him I don't want comments like that. It's so ingrained in him he doesn't understand what he's saying.
I KNOW exactly why I crave control ... it's because others tried to control me since childhood and I simply had to throw it off or I'd be under someone else's thumb my whole life. Forget THAT!
I love the terms "manipulation" "guilt crap" "guilt trip." Call it what you like, but it's someone trying to run a game on me. I've learned to recognize a lot of it, but some are masters of it!
Speaking of which, I'm ordering "Games People Play" by Eric Berne. I've been meaning to, and keep putting it off. I need to be a lot more savvy about people trying to run stuff at me for their own benefit.
Boy did this statement rile me. I get daily mini-guilt trips from my dad and have for decades. Now I just ignore him or tell him I don't want comments like that. It's so ingrained in him he doesn't understand what he's saying.
I KNOW exactly why I crave control ... it's because others tried to control me since childhood and I simply had to throw it off or I'd be under someone else's thumb my whole life. Forget THAT!
I love the terms "manipulation" "guilt crap" "guilt trip." Call it what you like, but it's someone trying to run a game on me. I've learned to recognize a lot of it, but some are masters of it!
Speaking of which, I'm ordering "Games People Play" by Eric Berne. I've been meaning to, and keep putting it off. I need to be a lot more savvy about people trying to run stuff at me for their own benefit.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 141
kermit - I am sorry to hear that you are being tossed around by the actions and words of others. I got much peace when I learnt to live my life and let others live theirs. I still struggle with that whole concept sometimes, however it is comforting to come back to the idea that I can let grown adults do what they want, yet still protect myself from their harm.
I think this is an excellent book, although I prefer "What To Say After You Say Hello? by the same author. Understanding games has helped me enormously, both in terms of my own actions and reactions, but also those of others. What was so mystifying suddenly seemed so much clearer. edit - Counselling for Toads is also an excellent introduction to Transactional Analysis.
Originally Posted by CBrown
Speaking of which, I'm ordering "Games People Play" by Eric Berne.
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