Zak68

Her church is a good one. We live in a small town of about 3,000 and they are very tight. The church we attended when I had faith was very good about weekly "purging" where you confessed your sins to a small group of men. It was nice and refreshing to see the weekly struggles we all went through and by being open we saw all of us were flawed and we had no reason to gossip and judge others. I was hoping she could find that in her new church. Part of her problem in my mind is she does such a good job of hiding it from everyone outside our home she might think twice about it if more people knew, then it wouldn't be hidden but I know better in my mind I guess that if I couldn't help, neither could they.

BohemiMamaof3

The impression I get, Zak, and it is just an impression & opinion, is that your wife doesn’t want to confide in anyone because she wants to continue in her addiction for now. It seems like she isolates herself as a part of the vicious cycle of addiction, denial and hurting. She’s not ready & willing to deal with it, and if more people know, she’d have more explaining and facing to do. You could always confide in her pastor yourself. The pastor would be obligated to keep what you tell him/her in confidence. If your wife regularly attends his/her church, he would be concerned and want to pray for one of his/her members and their family just like he would want to know if your wife were struggling through cancer, loss of a loved one or any other major life issue. Because of my own family being in the ministry, I’m trying to put myself in your shoes and I know we would appreciate knowing who to pray for and why, and having another compassionate person to share my burden with is also somewhat comforting. But that’s up to you. And you’re right, her pastor or her church friends knowing cannot really “help” her quit. The only thing about them knowing that could help is their praying for her recovery. In our faith that is important to us. Also, if and when she does choose to get into recovery having accountably partners and support can be very beneficial then. Anyway, my heart goes out to you.

Zak68

I have considered talking to her pastor. The problem is they just got a new one and the past 2 I was on good terms with and she cared deeply for them. I think I might just take the time to get to know the new one and do as you say.

As always thank you for the words of support. =)

shakarris

I have to agree - she does not want anyone to know - but they will find out and then she will have to face it. you can only hide for so long

it took six months for my soon be x to finally show the nasty side to his buds and they were shocked.. most now want nothing to do with him - only took them once to see him go off on me and call me all kinds of names etc.( they are faster learners than me ).. when i would confide before I am sure they thought I was nuts but they were polite.. but once they saw it... the support for me came falling from the skies

hang in the Zak you are doing great

shakarris

anamchara

Zak, your signature quote prompted me to share this personal creation with you, and others who might enjoy it. * In case you can't read the text, the verse is from St. John 1: 4, 5 , one of my favorite verses in the Bible:
"In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it"


For those of you who've had bad experiences with gossip/slander in churches, my heart truly goes out to you... I've had bad experiences with some individuals in the church too, but overall, God's sanctuary is a place of healing and continual spiritual renewal for me. I pray you find that, too.


*I'll try to post my artwork later...apparently I can't post images until I've made 15 posts =-)