RosieM

Greetings all - After tossing my AH out about 7-8 weeks ago after a binge, I told him I needed until the end of January to clear my head. During this time, he was to be seeing a therapist. After six appts, I was going to see this therapist on my own, and then we were to start a 12 week couples counseling course. He has not been drinking during this time. In the past he has been able to go 7months or so between episodes. He has been through rehab once, hates AA, has relapsed again and again.

I told him I didn't want to see him so I have probably spoken to him a total of 20 minutes this whole time. I have handled a lot on my own during this time including biopsies (negative, thank goodness!), the holidays alone, dealing with the house and the animals and car problems etc.etc.

So last night he calls. Wants to know when he can come back. I tell him I have no idea where his head is or even who he is at this point. He forgot his final appt with the therapist because he didn't realize what day it is (!) and did not yet call him to reschedule because he left his phone at his brother's. Not to be judgemental, but this does not sound like a man in recovery to me, even though he has been sober by all accounts.

Anyhow - I told him I can't make a decision until I talk with his therapist. This did not please him but he said he would reschedule his appointment and set one up for me as well. We will see.

There is a SMART Recovery meeting around here which might float his boat, being secular-based and so forth. Wonder if any of you may have had experience with that.

Didn't mean to go on and on. Would love to hear reaction to this all. Thanks to everyone for being here. R.

RosieM

Anvil, you are right. I told him I needed to see some sincerity and effort, and he asked how he could show sincerity and effort if he isn't even here. I started to tell him what I thought he could do, but then decided he should come up with that answer on his own, which is what I told him.

Miss Pink

abstinence and sobriety are NOT the same thing.

He may not be drinking, but that doesnt mean he is sober. *RecoverY is a verb that describes action in changing ones spitutal health.

daisies

Oh Miss Pink you have hit the nail on the head. Abstinence is what my AH is doing right now. He is not attending AA on a regular basis. I believe he has attended less than 10 in 5 months. Not good odds. As I have heard here, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is so true,

RosieM

Yeah, Pink, I'm not detecting much spiritual change. His main deal right now seems to be working on anger management.