Anyone watching the VH1 show Celebs in rehab with Dr. Drew?
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat 
Richard's life was hard. Mine was easy. Who am I to criticize his coping mechanisms when I never walked in his shoes? I'm glad that I was able to see the person behind the disease. I'm glad that I never lost compassion for him. Try as I might, I couldn't stop loving him. There was so much about him that was lovable but he just couldn't love himself, probably because for most of his life he was unloved. He tried to find love in a bottle, but it betrayed him, too.
At some point in their lives, alcoholics lose their ability to choose. Whether it begins with the first drink or the hundredth drink or whether it's a disease or not is immaterial. What matters is every day someone's son or daughter or sister or brother or husband or wife loses their life to alcoholism, and there but for the grace of God go I.
My AH had a bad weekend and as a result so did I. We were arguing and one of the things I threw in his face was the fact that he has no ability to cope with anything in life (good, bad, or indifferent) and that drinking is always his solution. I've been steaming over this today and needed to read your post.
He is another who was raised in an abusive home and alcohol is/was his escape. It's easy for me to tell him that he needs to find other outlets, but I can never truly understand his thought process because I haven't lived his life.
Good news, though. This morning he said that he'd be late tonight because he's going back to AA. Will it last? Who knows, but I'm happy for the attempt.
edited to be back on the original topic...I've watched both of the episodes that have aired and have found them interesting in that my AH is a binge drinker and has never had to detox. What struck me about the first episode was what an enabler Jeff's girlfriend is. He's so bad off that it's clear he's had her or other people enabling his behavior for years. It's sad to see the state he is in. I had such a crush on him back in the Kenicke days.
I don't think these people are being exploited. They are serving as a huge warning for people and if just one person looks at Jeff or any of the others and thinks, "I am never going to go down that path," then the show has served a good purpose.
Baldwin's preaching is already getting old and I'm not an alcoholic/addict!
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Here's my .02 
There's many, many different flavors of alcoholics. Some are violent child abusers, some just sit in a corner and cry. Putting _one_ label on all those many different people is not going to fit any one of them.
There's many different stages of alcoholism, from the kid in college who passes out on three beers to the 80yr old dying from pancreatitis. Trying to explain the behavior of _all_ these people with just a few short sentences is not going to fit any one of them.
When I was a child the adults in my family were all crazy. Most of 'em drank to excess, some did pills, some were stone cold sober pedophiles. If my father had ever quit drinking for just _one_ day. Just one. I would have thanked God for all eternity and even become a monk to show my gratitue. As a child getting beat and raped I would not have cared _what_ you called it. Disease, immorality, allergy, sociological misadaptation. All I wanted was to quit hurting. Call it whatever you want, just make it stop.
It never stopped. Nobody ever came by to rescue me. Nobody ever bothered to take action, even though the evidence was abundantly clear to the school nurse. None of the adults in my world ever lifted one finger to help me. Maybe they were arguing with each other about whether it was a "disease" or not.
Many years later I became an adult. Had my own family, helped raise a daughter. Unlike the adults in my childhood I have been active in various recovery programs, doing my share to help those in pain. One fine day I found out my Dad had passed from complications of alcoholism. All of my life, as far back as I can remember, I hated that man. I never once stopped to think if it was a disease, or if I should have compassion. I just flat out hated.
And now he was dead. He never knew the love of a child, the way I had. He never knew the feeling of being loved by friends and family, of being respected by the neighbors and co-workers. He never knew what it feels like to know that I have been a good man, that my corner of the world is a little bit better because I have lived.
My father did a great deal of harm in the world. For that he is responsible, and I do not absolve him of that. Absolution is something that belongs to whatever Higher Power my father believed in. My father owed me a childhood, which he stole from me. For that he is responsible. However, I can not ever get that childhood back. It is gone and my father could not ever pay it back. So what's the point in hating him, if that hatred will never give me back what I never had? So I choose to forgive him the debt. Like a bank forgives a car loan after bankruptcy. I forgive my father his debt.
Today I live for my future. That deep hatred has vanished with my Father's ashes. I have a life today that is happy, joyous and free, beyond my wildest imagination. Once there was a man who was the biological accident of my conception. The "sperm donor" of my inception. All the harm he did I have healed. All the crippling damage has been overcome. There is nothing more he can do for me, or against me. It's over.
For me, this is compassion. I feel bad for this man, now dead, who never knew happiness. What kind of alcohlic was he? Did he have a choice? Did he have a disease? The answers to those questions will make absolutely _no_ difference in my life. Those questions are _his_ to answer, _his_ to resolve.
The questions that _do_ make a difference in my life are about _me_. Who do I hate today, and what kind of person does that make _me_? How am I building my self esteem so that I can be a good example to my grandkids? What actions do I take in my daily life to show the lady in my life that I am a decent man, that I will be a good husband to her? How do I demonstrate to the newcomers in my meetings the _result_ of working a program of recovery?
How am I making my little corner of the world a better place today?
Mike
There's many, many different flavors of alcoholics. Some are violent child abusers, some just sit in a corner and cry. Putting _one_ label on all those many different people is not going to fit any one of them.
There's many different stages of alcoholism, from the kid in college who passes out on three beers to the 80yr old dying from pancreatitis. Trying to explain the behavior of _all_ these people with just a few short sentences is not going to fit any one of them.
When I was a child the adults in my family were all crazy. Most of 'em drank to excess, some did pills, some were stone cold sober pedophiles. If my father had ever quit drinking for just _one_ day. Just one. I would have thanked God for all eternity and even become a monk to show my gratitue. As a child getting beat and raped I would not have cared _what_ you called it. Disease, immorality, allergy, sociological misadaptation. All I wanted was to quit hurting. Call it whatever you want, just make it stop.
It never stopped. Nobody ever came by to rescue me. Nobody ever bothered to take action, even though the evidence was abundantly clear to the school nurse. None of the adults in my world ever lifted one finger to help me. Maybe they were arguing with each other about whether it was a "disease" or not.
Many years later I became an adult. Had my own family, helped raise a daughter. Unlike the adults in my childhood I have been active in various recovery programs, doing my share to help those in pain. One fine day I found out my Dad had passed from complications of alcoholism. All of my life, as far back as I can remember, I hated that man. I never once stopped to think if it was a disease, or if I should have compassion. I just flat out hated.
And now he was dead. He never knew the love of a child, the way I had. He never knew the feeling of being loved by friends and family, of being respected by the neighbors and co-workers. He never knew what it feels like to know that I have been a good man, that my corner of the world is a little bit better because I have lived.
My father did a great deal of harm in the world. For that he is responsible, and I do not absolve him of that. Absolution is something that belongs to whatever Higher Power my father believed in. My father owed me a childhood, which he stole from me. For that he is responsible. However, I can not ever get that childhood back. It is gone and my father could not ever pay it back. So what's the point in hating him, if that hatred will never give me back what I never had? So I choose to forgive him the debt. Like a bank forgives a car loan after bankruptcy. I forgive my father his debt.
Today I live for my future. That deep hatred has vanished with my Father's ashes. I have a life today that is happy, joyous and free, beyond my wildest imagination. Once there was a man who was the biological accident of my conception. The "sperm donor" of my inception. All the harm he did I have healed. All the crippling damage has been overcome. There is nothing more he can do for me, or against me. It's over.
For me, this is compassion. I feel bad for this man, now dead, who never knew happiness. What kind of alcohlic was he? Did he have a choice? Did he have a disease? The answers to those questions will make absolutely _no_ difference in my life. Those questions are _his_ to answer, _his_ to resolve.
The questions that _do_ make a difference in my life are about _me_. Who do I hate today, and what kind of person does that make _me_? How am I building my self esteem so that I can be a good example to my grandkids? What actions do I take in my daily life to show the lady in my life that I am a decent man, that I will be a good husband to her? How do I demonstrate to the newcomers in my meetings the _result_ of working a program of recovery?
How am I making my little corner of the world a better place today?
Mike
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
I just want to add a quick thought about the Dr. Drew show....I agree with the thinking that a mixture of rich actors & others might not work...even though we all have the same experiences alcohol/drug wise at some time...it isn't the same...I wouldn't want to be what I am or was when the cameras are rolling...Baldwin needs to shut his mouth some of the time...he acts like he has all the knowledge and yet he is a patient not the doctor. His knowledge is probably his experience from being in treatment so many times.
I have seen a biography on his brother..Alec Baldwin and he seems to be more realistic about life and doesn't have a swollen brain...I am being awful but I have problems with know-it-alls that really don't know it all.
kelsh
Former Doormat....I love the way you put your thoughts on paper...you are so right...I was raised in a family with an alcoholic grandmother but had never been abused or lacked anything from my parents...in fact some of my friends commented on my curfew saying that they wished their parents cared enough to have a curfew or even be home for them.
I still ended up an alcoholic and depressed person though.
I have seen a biography on his brother..Alec Baldwin and he seems to be more realistic about life and doesn't have a swollen brain...I am being awful but I have problems with know-it-alls that really don't know it all.
kelsh
Former Doormat....I love the way you put your thoughts on paper...you are so right...I was raised in a family with an alcoholic grandmother but had never been abused or lacked anything from my parents...in fact some of my friends commented on my curfew saying that they wished their parents cared enough to have a curfew or even be home for them.
I still ended up an alcoholic and depressed person though.
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
SO many powerful things have come from my thread. I thank you all for that. I have read every reply and have laughed and shed many tears. There is so much wisdom here.
Thank you,
Lynne
Thank you,
Lynne
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Very powerful and thought provoking post, Mike!
This in particular struck a chord in me...
There are a few people in my life I would like to apply this to...myself included.
This in particular struck a chord in me...
Like a bank forgives a car loan after bankruptcy. I forgive my father his debt.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Originally Posted by GiveLove
You're right, Paper. And now that I'm down off my uppity high horse, I guess I can see how it might be therapeutic for some folkses. Thanks - off to pitch the networks on my new shows! 
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
I have to say I am greatly appreciative of the posts on this page ... especially FD and Mike. Thank you for your sharing, and giving me more to ponder. A thumbs up simply wasn't enough for what I've read here.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 63
I love Dr. Drew and I am "addicted" to Celebrity Rehab. I hate most celebrity shows and most "reality" shows, but Dr. Drew is so good! My kids watch this show too (adults). I think I would watch if these people were not celebrities - they are not why I am watching it.
My husband has gone through withdrawals from both alcohol and narcotics (prescription). He was very similar to Jeff on the show. But it's amazing how fast he got better - so I am really hoping Jeff can be strong enough to stay and get well.
As for some of the others, I am not sure they need to be there at all.
I know they're getting paid to be there...maybe their manager got this gig for them to jump start their career? Mainly I'm talking about the young african-american woman who smokes a lot of marijuana. I'd like to hear more about her story because so far on the show I see her getting out of the picture. Also, I don't know if Daniel Baldwin needs to be there - he's not taking drugs or drinking....seems like he wants to co-doctor with Dr. Drew or something?
I will be watching next show!!
I also like seeing Joanie (she seems like a very nice person when she's sober) and Brigette Nielson too - same for both of them. I want to see if Joanie can figure out why she's there. I saw her on The Surreal Life and it seemed like she had some substance problems...she seems to be denying it except for binging alcohol. We'll see....
My husband has gone through withdrawals from both alcohol and narcotics (prescription). He was very similar to Jeff on the show. But it's amazing how fast he got better - so I am really hoping Jeff can be strong enough to stay and get well.
As for some of the others, I am not sure they need to be there at all.
I know they're getting paid to be there...maybe their manager got this gig for them to jump start their career? Mainly I'm talking about the young african-american woman who smokes a lot of marijuana. I'd like to hear more about her story because so far on the show I see her getting out of the picture. Also, I don't know if Daniel Baldwin needs to be there - he's not taking drugs or drinking....seems like he wants to co-doctor with Dr. Drew or something?
I will be watching next show!!
I also like seeing Joanie (she seems like a very nice person when she's sober) and Brigette Nielson too - same for both of them. I want to see if Joanie can figure out why she's there. I saw her on The Surreal Life and it seemed like she had some substance problems...she seems to be denying it except for binging alcohol. We'll see....
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
DesertEyes ...
You are so right when you say that alcoholics cannot be categorized. My grandmother and my aunt from my mother's side, and my father and husband were all alcoholics ... and everyone of them were entirely different personalities with different backgrounds and very different patterns of drinking. Both my husband and father had very stable normal upbringings in traditional families, but both became alcoholics while manifesting their addiction in completely different ways. While others in my family had truly very difficult upbringings yet they became stable, strong and admirable individuals.
Because of all the diversity I have witnessed in my own family, I know there are no simple answers or choices that will fit everyone ... there are just too many variables among alcoholics themselves along with all the many different complexities and circumstances involving their unique family relationships. What works for one person, doesn't seem to work for another as I have seen time and time again in my life. These observations have helped me tremendously in feeling compassion and not passing judgment on other's situations. One thing is for certain though, the lives of those close to alcoholics have been filled with many difficult challenges others can't even begin to understand unless they have walked in our shoes .... thank goodness for this forum!
One of the most valuable things I have gained from the forum is KNOWLEDGE! I began for the first time to understand how alcohol dramatically transforms individuals and those closest to them. I learned an active alcoholic cannot be reasoned with or forced to stop drinking ... and the decision to change is ultimately up to them. The more I read on this forum over 5 years ago, the more I felt at peace learning how formidable alcoholism is-not like other behavior problems that can be modified with effort ... and I learned how I was helpless to change its course. Through this knowledge, I finally felt validated in my choice to separate from the alcoholic knowing I could only save myself and my children as best I could. While those around me were still constantly second guessing what the best course of action should be, I finally had the courage to turn a deaf ear and realize only I understood what I was up against and what the best choice was for myself and my children.
The more we know, the better educated choices we will make in our lives... and those with whom we choose or don't choose to share our lives with. Any television show, news article, forum or program that is honest, thorough and educational that can become a valuable resource on this subject to large numbers of people, the closer we will come to greatly reducing the damage this devastating addiction creates - maybe one less person will pick up that drink or one less person will become attached to an active alcoholic in an unhealthy way. With knowledge comes power ... the power to make better choices in our lives.
You are so right when you say that alcoholics cannot be categorized. My grandmother and my aunt from my mother's side, and my father and husband were all alcoholics ... and everyone of them were entirely different personalities with different backgrounds and very different patterns of drinking. Both my husband and father had very stable normal upbringings in traditional families, but both became alcoholics while manifesting their addiction in completely different ways. While others in my family had truly very difficult upbringings yet they became stable, strong and admirable individuals.
Because of all the diversity I have witnessed in my own family, I know there are no simple answers or choices that will fit everyone ... there are just too many variables among alcoholics themselves along with all the many different complexities and circumstances involving their unique family relationships. What works for one person, doesn't seem to work for another as I have seen time and time again in my life. These observations have helped me tremendously in feeling compassion and not passing judgment on other's situations. One thing is for certain though, the lives of those close to alcoholics have been filled with many difficult challenges others can't even begin to understand unless they have walked in our shoes .... thank goodness for this forum!
One of the most valuable things I have gained from the forum is KNOWLEDGE! I began for the first time to understand how alcohol dramatically transforms individuals and those closest to them. I learned an active alcoholic cannot be reasoned with or forced to stop drinking ... and the decision to change is ultimately up to them. The more I read on this forum over 5 years ago, the more I felt at peace learning how formidable alcoholism is-not like other behavior problems that can be modified with effort ... and I learned how I was helpless to change its course. Through this knowledge, I finally felt validated in my choice to separate from the alcoholic knowing I could only save myself and my children as best I could. While those around me were still constantly second guessing what the best course of action should be, I finally had the courage to turn a deaf ear and realize only I understood what I was up against and what the best choice was for myself and my children.
The more we know, the better educated choices we will make in our lives... and those with whom we choose or don't choose to share our lives with. Any television show, news article, forum or program that is honest, thorough and educational that can become a valuable resource on this subject to large numbers of people, the closer we will come to greatly reducing the damage this devastating addiction creates - maybe one less person will pick up that drink or one less person will become attached to an active alcoholic in an unhealthy way. With knowledge comes power ... the power to make better choices in our lives.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Posts: 34
Hi Mr Christian
I would just like to ask a question, how come do people choose to stay with the addicts or alcoholics?
Just as you say the addicts have a choice - so too do the people who choose to marry them/date them ect. The only people who's choice is limited in this respect are the parents of addicts.
But they too can make a choice to stay connected to that persons life.
With love
Jackie
I would just like to ask a question, how come do people choose to stay with the addicts or alcoholics?
Just as you say the addicts have a choice - so too do the people who choose to marry them/date them ect. The only people who's choice is limited in this respect are the parents of addicts.
But they too can make a choice to stay connected to that persons life.
With love
Jackie
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere, out there...
Posts: 512
i just wanted to say that i really like watching celebrity rehab - i like dr drew (loved him with adam carolla on their radio show) - i also like rock of love, i love ny, trading spaces, most before and after shows (could be medical, decorating, etc)the sopranos, documentaries(loved hbo addiction - the most informative thing on addiction ever), and the gauntlet on mtv - so for those of you who want to judge me by what i watch, be my guest
, that said...
i think when some people see others going through what their experiencing it makes life a little more *normal* - and if dr. drew sharing what therapy is like (for a celebrity or not) ,makes someone a little less scared about the prospect of recovery it's a good thing - you can never stop learning about anything so i appreciate people willing to let the cameras roll while their going through something so personal...
for the person who asked why someone would stay with an addict or alcoholic i can only share my experience - my son's court ordered *intensive outpatient program* brought me to sr and the f& f section - my sister's crack addiction led me to have custody of my two nephews for 6 months when addiction was stronger than her *will* to not use crack - my hubands (married for 21 years) need to keep drinking when we decided to not have alcohol in our house keeps me here - we all have different life circumstances and boundaries - what works for one doesn't necessarily work for everyone - that's what makes sr so fascinating - we all have so much wisdom to share - even the addict and the alcoholic...
and with that i pass...
love,
s
, that said...i think when some people see others going through what their experiencing it makes life a little more *normal* - and if dr. drew sharing what therapy is like (for a celebrity or not) ,makes someone a little less scared about the prospect of recovery it's a good thing - you can never stop learning about anything so i appreciate people willing to let the cameras roll while their going through something so personal...
for the person who asked why someone would stay with an addict or alcoholic i can only share my experience - my son's court ordered *intensive outpatient program* brought me to sr and the f& f section - my sister's crack addiction led me to have custody of my two nephews for 6 months when addiction was stronger than her *will* to not use crack - my hubands (married for 21 years) need to keep drinking when we decided to not have alcohol in our house keeps me here - we all have different life circumstances and boundaries - what works for one doesn't necessarily work for everyone - that's what makes sr so fascinating - we all have so much wisdom to share - even the addict and the alcoholic...
and with that i pass...
love,
s
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