sketscher

My xabf came directly into my dept yesterday. Where my cubicle is. He rarely does this but my boss was on lunch. I could feel his eyes on me. He wandered in. Opened up this can of popcorn my boss put out for US. Stuck his grubby hand in there, still looking at me. Finally he says "so what are the big plans for the game (Packers)?" (in this sarcastic tone...he's a bears fan) I kept thinking...get the f outta here. But I meekly said "what...my plans?" and I actually answered him honestly "just going to my parents". He finally left. I hate him so much. I hate him for hurting me so much and continuing to try to infiltrate my life. I blame him for ruining my chances with anyone else. I know it's not as simple as that but i do blame him! And it made me want to be in the arms of my recent boyfriend again. How in the world I could still have good memories of xabf and allow myself to even compare another relationship to him. Yeah....sigh....I need to be away from him and get a new job!!

It's sorta like I'm a dog that was beaten and put with a new owner I'm uncomfortable being petted. I shy from a caring hand. It's a terrible realization. But it is true. I feel guilty accepting affection, a back rub, someone holding my hand. Someone paying for my dinner or warming up my truck, scraping ice off my windshield, getting me a glass or water. It's all strange and almost distasteful for me. That is how it was with my recent boyfriend. He was only trying to do what any kind "new owner" would do. And I cower. I freak and provoke arguments.

fluffyflea

Not much to say other than yes they do have a radar.

try to stay strong.

Ngaire

splendra

This is an idea that I would like to support.

You know I have been in a very negative relationship for a long time and I want to start thinking about how it's going to be when I longer have contact with him. I want to read your ideas about it too...We both need to get away from this toxic energy.


(((((((((((((((((((BIGHUG))))))))))))))))))))) to you from me.

denny57

Action I can take on my own behalf keeps the power with me.

sketscher

My thoughts are that as long as I am even within sight of him, I feel his negative energy. He still in some way has an influence on me. There are times I feel I want to flaunt my "good" life away from him in his face and times where I'm still sympathetic towards him when I look into his eyes. It's a sick environment. I'm still thinking about him, wondering what he's thinking, wondering where he is when he's gone from work and trying to avoid him when he is there.

I used to be afraid of starting over at a new job, You know you get comfortable working somewhere, I have good benefits and so forth. But I guess if I can make it through the hell I went through with xabf I can certainly handle a change in jobs. And who knows I might find a job I really love!

sketscher

splendra, absolutely we must distance ourselves from this! reading your reply it's like yeah, why the heck are we around toxic energy. Life is so short why waste time even wondering if this is a good idea? IT IS for heavens sake. GET OUT.

I need to drill this into my head!

splendra

I have a feeling much better things are on the horizon for us ((((sketscher)))) than putting up with this stuff let's clear the view finder.

sketscher

Clearing the view finder. It's a very simple concept isn't it?

Well this afternoon I worked on my resume. Next step is to get a fabulous interview outfit. One that makes me feel like a million bucks! And so forth.

I suppose most problems in life can be easily dealt with if one breaks them down into manageable pieces. I read an analogy about that in the book "Power of Positive Thinking"...something to do with how you cut down a big tree, by cutting off the smaller branches first, etc.

splendra

I need to find a buyer for my house...clearing the view here...