I think I might be starting to detach...but not sure.
 

Someone posted that they try to control there spouses drinking in various ways and that got me thinking. Usually I try to make sure he eats, bring him bottles of water or juice hoping he will have some in between beers. The last 3 days I dont think he has eaten until 10 at night. I feel Im starting to detatch because each night I let him know I made dinner and left it at that. Normally I would have made a plate up and brought it to him complete with a big glass of milk. There is still a steak sitting on a plate on the stove right now and I haven't even told him he better eat soon. If he doesnt want totake care of himself, I can't make him can I? He often hangs out in the garage out back because we dont have smoking in the house. Normally I would be bugging him to come inside and hang out with me. Sometimes he would other times he would get mad saying it wasn't up to him to keep me entertained, which wasn't it at all, I just wanted to spend some time with him. Not the last 3 nights. Whatever, if he wants to drink and smoke all by himself so be it, I'll come here for support. Also, I'm starting to feel more sad than angry (with occasional bouts of anger still) and am feeling sorry for him. I think I am making a timy step of progress in learning how to deal with this all without screaming and yelling and crying. Staying calm is easier now. I have the kind folks here to thank. The ones who responded to my posts and the ones posting and I just read others stories and the advise given to them
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Sounds like you are making progress. Good for you.

Thank you for sharing. It's amazing to me sometimes the power I have to change my own situation. You've done well to change the tone of things in your home. For myself, it's more than a "tiny step" whenever I can manage to maintain calm in the midst of chaos.

I can definitely relate to your post. My ex and I never ate at the same time. I couldn't wait until he was finished drinking or had passed out. Same experience with the smoking. I don't smoke and didn't want to just hang out in the garage to be with him. He didn't want to be inside to just entertain me.

Toward the end, we really were roommates. I had detached and just lived my life until we sold the house. I was much more calm, too as you said. When I only took care of myself, it was much easier.

Sounds like you are making progress!

Seems like you are stopping some of your "co-dependent" behaviors.
Trying to manage his health is a big job...
The dance the two of you do may be changing.
If you can't change him, might as well change yourself and see what happens.

I too can relate to your post. Well he can still push my buttons, I try not to let him for the most part. I no longer worry if he ate, has money in the bank, smokes or lunch for work. My energy & want in taking care of him is gone, all I have left is for me.

Baby steps as everyone keeps saying, and that works.. really

Hang in there... keep strong

shakarris