Hazel1969

Will,it is Friday and normaly that is when the drinking gets out of hand. It has not been a very good day for me, I feel like an emotional wreck. My agf just called me to let me know she is fixing to drink one beer it is about 4:30, just one yeah right. She thinks that I can't see when she has had more then one beer. See Normaly she will waite till about six every night to start drinking and she thinks it is okay as long as she has eaten supper. I always make sure she eats before she starts to drink cause I know if she doesn't, it will be a bad night. Is that crazy or what? I know I am not her mom,but if I can prevent a bad night I will. Does anyone have any advise on avoiding a fight tonight?

hello-kitty

Don't go home?

ICU

Welcome to SR Hazel1969.

[QUOTE=Hazel1969;1643366]I always make sure she eats before she starts to drink cause I know if she doesn't, it will be a bad night. Is that crazy or what? I know I am not her mom,but if I can prevent a bad night I will. Does anyone have any advise on avoiding a fight tonight?[/QUOTE]

In the beginning, I did the same things too! I thought the bad nights, or the way to avoiding fights was to control what my ex did or did not do, what he ate, or didn't eat, etc.

Through many trials and tribulations, I learned that nothing I did or didn't do would make a difference on what he did, or didn't do. I had no control over him.

Towards the end of our relationship, I learned that I had to let go of what he did or didn't do, and focus on what I did or didn't do, for that was the only thing I had control over..what I did, what I didn't do, etc.

It sounds so simple, and in reality, it really is. But in the beginning, it's a very hard concept to grasp.

Keep coming back!

ARealLady

Maybe take yourself to an AlAnon meeting this evening.

And stop yourself from looking after her. Maybe the way to stop yourself from being Mom is go to that AlAnon meeting.

All the best and look after you!

ARL

LaTeeDa

Isn't it interesting how it's all about fear. We fear that they will drink, how they will act when they drink, what will happen if we don't control them. Yet, many of us stay because we fear what our life will be like without the relationship that is dominated by fear.

Ironic, isn't it?

L

Hazel1969

I really want to go to AlAnon,But again I'm scared of what I'm not sure. I don't know if I should tell her I want to go or just go and not tell her. that would be hard to hide cause we do not go anywhere with out each other unless I go to work. We dont have seperate lives. That sounds sad now that i think about it.

Janitw

Ahhhh control......in the end you lose control and they run amuck anyway....soooo detach now and save yourself alot of heartache. I don't mean break up with her if thats not what you want I just mean to stop trying to figure her out and what her actions may or may not be in any given event. I had detached from my XAH years before he did what he did to us its just that I didn't know what it was I was doing I just knew I had to keep my sanity and pay attention to the house, bills, kids, work ect....so I just paid him no mind what so ever and now when I look back at those years I can see plainly just how it all unfolded and why he did what he did. Sad but true sweetie. He only did what addicts do. Hang in there.

FormerDoormat

Let's say you find a way to avoid the fight tonight. That's just a short-term solution. How will you avoid a fight the next time she drinks? And the next time, and the next?

Alcoholism is a long-term problem. So what's needed here is a long-term solution.

appleblaster

Well, if she can have her beer then why can't you have your Al-Anon?