What the heck is going on...
 

Couple months ago I posted about a women I was dating for two years, who became sober and started attending AA, a year and seven months into the relatioship. She started to become distant and we stop having sex, due to things that happened in the past when she was 16 with her first boyfriend (sexual abuse).

Oct. 1st she took me by suprise and said we needed to take a break. I could not believe it, here was a women who was crazy about me when we first met, and she even took it to the next level saying that she wanted to get married and have my kids some day. She even said this two days before our break.

Anyways I started going to Al-Anon meetings, I realized that I was a Codie. I lost who I was and thats not the person she fell in love with. So I continued to work on myself, and so did she. She could see the change in me and was liking what she was seeing. After Thanksgiving weekend she started calling me as if we were dating again. She told me that she does not want to look for another guy cause she has me. I was told by her she was having dreams about me, and sexual feelings for me, but she wanted to take things slow and date me after she was done with college.

I was excited, but then she relapsed and backed off. She tells me now that she is dealing with alot of things, trying to find a job and getting on her own feet, not to mention she is dealing with her recovery and other issues. I am trying to understanding why she backed off agian, and she told me it had nothing to do with me and that she does not want another guy.

Its hard not to think that this has nothing to do with me. I AM CONFUSED!

Al-Anon is all I got I guess.

I can only surmise that it truly is all about her and her recovery and that she is being honest with you about it all. So you keep on working on yourself and let the future take care of itself as it rolls around.

oh yeah she told me she would come find me when she is ready so........?

She perhaps feels that jumping back into a relationship with you will not help her recovery, she needs the time to sort out who she is... as for she will come and find you when she is ready.. if you start working on you - you may find you have walked a long way and she cannot catch up - you may not want her too

I know this is a hard time but you need to do what is right for you - you may find your way back to each other but you may not.. one day at a time

shakarris

And if you're still there waiting, you can get back together. The choice to wait is yours. There are several possible outcomes. She finds you, you've waited and you get back together; she finds you, you've met someone else and moved on; she finds you to tell you she's met someone else.

I'd keep up the meetings, learn to take control of my own life (which is what I did).

Good luck and keep posting!

I will share with you my experience from her side of the coin.

My first 4 or so years sober, I know today, not then, that I didn't know if I was coming or going. I got married at 1 1/2 years sober. BIG MISTAKE. Needless to say, the marriage didn't work. I myself was not ready, even though I thought I was.

I give this lady a lot of credit, even though it is putting you in confusion. She is backing off probably out of uncertainty, fear, her own confusion, etc.

You have gotten some GREAT advice above.

Excellent Denny.

You have choices. You can choose to wait. You can choose to continue to work on you. Remember, as you work on you, your feelings for her may or may not change.

If you two are meant to be together, it will happen, or

None of us can tell the future. I can say from my own experience, she probably just doesn't know yet, because she is still peeling away the layers of her own onion.

J M H O

Love and hugs,