went for supper
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
went for supper
Hi,
went for supper last night after the meetng with a fellow member. He never asked me ONE question about myself. I figure well not even one question about me.................need I say more?
won't be a repeat supper
Ngaire
went for supper last night after the meetng with a fellow member. He never asked me ONE question about myself. I figure well not even one question about me.................need I say more?
won't be a repeat supper
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
Earthworm...I am glad you reported this "red flag" because it shows me that I am not entirely off-base in terms of my expectations about other people and, in particular, members of the opposite sex who might be potential relationship material.
It could be that this man is still very much wrapped up in his own recovery and still dealing with his baggage...NOT available!
Reminds me of a greeting card I saw where there's a cartoon of a couple sitting at a table in a bar. She looks really fed up and the guy says "Gosh, I've spent all evening talking about myself and I haven't given you the chance to ask me anything about me." Guess these scenarios are all too common!
ARL
It could be that this man is still very much wrapped up in his own recovery and still dealing with his baggage...NOT available!
Reminds me of a greeting card I saw where there's a cartoon of a couple sitting at a table in a bar. She looks really fed up and the guy says "Gosh, I've spent all evening talking about myself and I haven't given you the chance to ask me anything about me." Guess these scenarios are all too common!
ARL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
Same thing happened to me, except he is not an A. I was friends with a man, it briefly went to "more" and should never have. It wrecked the friendship when we split. About five years later, we chatted online again and got together for breakfast. The ENTIRE TIME he talked about his hobbies, his last relationship (I did ask what happened), his retirement, blah blah blah. I sat there the entire time nodding and smiling, waiting for him to say "enough about me ..." and it never happened! I left and thought "Boring! Never again!"
Sorry, but a conversation is two people talking, back and forth. It isn't an endless one-sided thing. It just goes to show you that a person doesn't have to be an A or in recovery to be totally wrapped up in him/herself.
Won't be repeat breakfast here, either!
Sorry, but a conversation is two people talking, back and forth. It isn't an endless one-sided thing. It just goes to show you that a person doesn't have to be an A or in recovery to be totally wrapped up in him/herself.
Won't be repeat breakfast here, either!
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Uggghhh, i HATE that......
Looking back my ex didn't either, i don't think he knows much about me to tell you the truth! HUGE red flag.....selfish and consumed sounds like.
Tell him next time that he's enough company for himself for dinner lol!!!
Looking back my ex didn't either, i don't think he knows much about me to tell you the truth! HUGE red flag.....selfish and consumed sounds like.
Tell him next time that he's enough company for himself for dinner lol!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Yeah, a definite sign of someone too wrapped up in themselves. I didn't notice this particular red flag when dating and then married to my STBXAH but he rarely asked me about me and what was going on in my life. {shrug} At least now I know to look for this one.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
Im doing onlne dating now (more like off-line as I havnt had the courage to actually go OUT on a date).
A guy calls last week...talked all about his favorite subject...HIM.
His job
his boss
his kid
his dead wife
his in laws
his mean boss
him him him him....
mentioned I had a job, even told it what it was...he promptly forgot and asked "What do you do again".
That was the one and only call. Red flags waving boldly in the wind.
A guy calls last week...talked all about his favorite subject...HIM.
His job
his boss
his kid
his dead wife
his in laws
his mean boss
him him him him....
mentioned I had a job, even told it what it was...he promptly forgot and asked "What do you do again".
That was the one and only call. Red flags waving boldly in the wind.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I tried online dating, too. It wasn't for me. I finally got up the courage to let one gentleman call me. We spoke for a while and then I asked him "so, what do you want to know about me?" He paused then asked:
"Do you have long nails and pedicured feet?"
If the things that mattered to him most were sexy hands and feet, then I figured he wasn't the guy for me.
The conversation went downhill from there. But I did net one good thing from my online dating escapades: a fabulous pasta recipe from a gentleman who asked me this on the first date:
"So, how many dates does it take for you to sleep with someone?"
Neither gentleman got the goods.
"Do you have long nails and pedicured feet?"
If the things that mattered to him most were sexy hands and feet, then I figured he wasn't the guy for me.
The conversation went downhill from there. But I did net one good thing from my online dating escapades: a fabulous pasta recipe from a gentleman who asked me this on the first date:
"So, how many dates does it take for you to sleep with someone?"
Neither gentleman got the goods.
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
I was going to pursue an on line dating site but i'm scared! My mother told me that sometimes i need to do what's uncomfortable. Maybe in a few months once i figure out me enough to write down that "about me" section lol!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
The biggest problem I had with dataing sites is that they are full of married men on the prowl for little fun. Or single men doing the same for that matter. You just have to be very selective I guess as in any dating situation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I met the man I'm currently dating online. I also met several that had giant red flags. It's a crap shoot, just like in the offline world. The nice thing about online is that you can screen out the "absolutely nots" rather quickly and not waste any time. Like the guy who sent me an email that was basically his resume. Said something like--I don't have a lot of time right now, but here is a little about me. A little???!!! It was a list of everything he had ever done, with links to online articles about him.
(He is an actor) LOL I actually answered him back asking him to tell me about himself other than his career. He emailed back that his career was his life and there was nothing else to tell. Since I wasn't looking to hire an actor, I let it go at that. 
One thing I will share is that it really pays off to spend some time thinking about what you say about yourself. When I first posted a profile, I didn't really know what to say so I just put up a bunch of stuff about myself that I thought described me. I attracted nothing but losers and weirdos. When I mentioned this to my therapist, she offered to help me write a profile that reflected who I truly am and what I am really looking for. That's the profile that caught the attention of the man I am seeing now, and have been for 8 or 9 months. So my advice is do not take what you write about yourself lightly. Take some time to really examine yourself, because if you get real about it, you will attract the right kind of person for you. Like attracts like, remember?
L
(He is an actor) LOL I actually answered him back asking him to tell me about himself other than his career. He emailed back that his career was his life and there was nothing else to tell. Since I wasn't looking to hire an actor, I let it go at that. One thing I will share is that it really pays off to spend some time thinking about what you say about yourself. When I first posted a profile, I didn't really know what to say so I just put up a bunch of stuff about myself that I thought described me. I attracted nothing but losers and weirdos. When I mentioned this to my therapist, she offered to help me write a profile that reflected who I truly am and what I am really looking for. That's the profile that caught the attention of the man I am seeing now, and have been for 8 or 9 months. So my advice is do not take what you write about yourself lightly. Take some time to really examine yourself, because if you get real about it, you will attract the right kind of person for you. Like attracts like, remember?
L
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Hmmm. I don't know if I have any "tips," but here is what we did. We took the original profile and distilled it down. For example, I had some drivel in there about how I had bought an 80-year-old art deco style home because I could not imagine myself living in a boring, beige, tract house. She said that sounded judgemental of people who live in tract houses. This hadn't occurred to me as I was simply trying to state my individuality. So we changed that part to read:
"I am drawn to the unusual in people and things. I find myself attracted to unconventional types, however, if you have a lifestyle that is financially insecure, I would have to pass."
The second one more clearly conveyed what I was trying to say, which is that I am unconventional and therefore attracted to other unconventional people. Also, I'm not interested in freeloaders, LOL.
I guess it's just a matter of taking what you think you want to say and running it through a filter of 1) is it who I really am? and 2) how can I say it in positive terms?
I know a lot of those sites have profile help, which basically tells you to write what you think others are looking for. Marketing yourself, in a sense. I would disagree with that. It seems to me better to be real about who you are and what you want. Better to get fewer responses from people who actually interest you than more responses from people who don't.
All this is just my opinion, and believe me, I got plenty of responses to both profiles from men who didn't interest me at all. LOL
L
"I am drawn to the unusual in people and things. I find myself attracted to unconventional types, however, if you have a lifestyle that is financially insecure, I would have to pass."
The second one more clearly conveyed what I was trying to say, which is that I am unconventional and therefore attracted to other unconventional people. Also, I'm not interested in freeloaders, LOL.
I guess it's just a matter of taking what you think you want to say and running it through a filter of 1) is it who I really am? and 2) how can I say it in positive terms?
I know a lot of those sites have profile help, which basically tells you to write what you think others are looking for. Marketing yourself, in a sense. I would disagree with that. It seems to me better to be real about who you are and what you want. Better to get fewer responses from people who actually interest you than more responses from people who don't.
All this is just my opinion, and believe me, I got plenty of responses to both profiles from men who didn't interest me at all. LOL
L
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
I put in my profile "intellectual,handsome man" and "drinkers and smokers need not apply".
I've gottien anything BUT these things. So one thing it tells me when I get someone whose profile says "I drink and smoke" is they either didn't read my profile or didn't give a rats behind about what they read (self-centeredness) anyways automatic delete.
ngaire
I've gottien anything BUT these things. So one thing it tells me when I get someone whose profile says "I drink and smoke" is they either didn't read my profile or didn't give a rats behind about what they read (self-centeredness) anyways automatic delete.
ngaire
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Earthworm 
I put in my profile "intellectual,handsome man"
What does handsome mean to you? Older and distinguished? Six-pack abs? Moustache? James Bond?
Everyone wants an "intellectual, handsome man," and lots of men think they are exactly that. Maybe you could try being a little more specific? Not advice, just suggestion.
As far as the drinking and smoking goes, that's about as specific as it gets. Delete is the perfect answer.
L
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Good suggestions..............I had one guy send me his picture.........six pack abs, pecs and standing there with a beer in his hand.............
actually I was also thinking of the word "spiritual" which I put in my profile "I follow a spiritual faith" I'm thinking the word spiritual might attract some kooks.
ngaire
actually I was also thinking of the word "spiritual" which I put in my profile "I follow a spiritual faith" I'm thinking the word spiritual might attract some kooks.
ngaire
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