Debra-Ann

I have only been married for 8 months and I am just now discovering that my husband is an alcoholic. We had known each other for years but because I do not drink he would not drink around me or get out of control. Now that we live together I see it all. I have become someone I hate. I have trouble finding joy in his triumphs because I am waiting for his failures and I was never like that. I am controlling, terrified every time he walks out the door that he is going to get drunk. I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I see him with a beer in his hand or when I smell it on his breath. He has gotten so drunk that its a miracle that he has not killed himself or someone else on his way home. Then he will say to me he is dammed if he does and dammed if he doesn't because I want him home at night but I get mad if he drinks and drives. To boot he got drunk with our new neighbors and told them very intimate details of our life. Throughout all of this he keeps on asking me not to give up on him. Is there any hope?

Daffodil

Debra-Ann;

Of course there is hope....But most of that hope is with you and where you choose to go with this situation and your life....

I would urge you to find an Al-Anon meeting and go to atleast 6 meetings before you decide whether the program is for you or not....

In the meantime Please read the stickly posts at the opening...Also read the threads and you will see that you are not alone in this.....There are many, many of us around who have been where you are today and not only survived, but have gone on with our lives and OUR recovery from the family disease of Alcholism...whether the drinking goes on or not...

Keep coming back....and keep posting..

Love and prayers

Ann

Debra-Ann

Ditto to what Daffodil said. You can't change him, but you can help yourself and learn to have a happy life - regardless of whether he drinks or not.

Glad to have you join us.

EyesOpen

to hear that things have gotten so bad so quickly for you.

You have already seen how defiant and defensive alcohol can make a person. My kind, sweet x turns into a major attitude when pumped up on the stuff.

Is there hope for him? Yes, but God is on only one who knows if and when your spouse will humble himself into being honest with himself. You, his parents, his pastor, his friends will not be able to get him to change unless he wants to. Usually, they want to when the pain of the consequences of drinking outweigh the thrill of the buzz.

Is there hope for you? YES! Your life has a WORLD of possibilities. Why? Because YOU'RE not drunk, you can enjoy life and do things, unencombered by the need to stop by the liquor store all the time.

Is there hope for your marriage? Ah... that's a toughy. Aparently, you and your spouse have a disagreement about what "happily ever after" means. To you, it may mean togetherness with him. To him, it may mean spending time in a altered state.

Not that he doesn't love you, I'm sure he does. Just like my x probably still does. It's just that these people have a more seductive voice calling them that you & I can't compete with.

Yep, it's a shocker to slam into this kind of a reality before the 1st aniversary. If you feel hurt, angry, disapointed, you got just cause.

The challenge is to not let the pain eat you alive. Your health and well-being are too important.

Take time, do some reading on the subject of alcoholism. Get yourself educated, then tell him what you are willing to accept and not accept as his partner.

Debra-Ann

I started reading Co-Dependency No More last night and was shocked to see how many catagories I fit into. I am on the chapter on detachment. Thank you all so much for your advice for 8 months I felt like I was going Koo Koo He didn't come home last night because he was drinking at his brothers house who I have called numerous times to help me with this situation. My husband keeps on telling me he is not "trying" to be a jerk, at least he called to tell me he wasnt coming home. But I made last night a "me" night. I watched what I wanted to watch on tv, ate what I wanted to and tried desparately not to worry about what he was doing and for the first time in months did not try and make a million phone calls trying to find him. Thank you again

liddy

when I started the program it sounded so selfish to concentrate on myself instead of the ones I love.
But now I see I could not begin recovery without it.
I wasnt good for myself or anyone else till I took care of me.

Now, my serenity is so very important I dont want to give it away to anyone.

Of cource your husband is not a jerk ! He has a disease and the disease causes certain behaviors, hard to see the person you fell in love with when the booze clouds their personalities.

Oh- and welcome to the boards Debra ann !
keep coming back
hugs
liddy