myles1

Okay Shiz your boyfriend is abusing you big-time. I was reliving what I lived with my ex when I was reading your first post.

It's called emotional and psychological battering.

My 2 cents worth ((((I'm mad writing this)))))..........No one deserves that crap!!!!
If you stay you'll be in for a lifetime of that crap.

Stick around for awhile try to get to someone alanon meetings where you live, read Co-Dependent No more and if you want I have a whole slew of titles of books on abuse.

Another good one to read is "Women who Love too Much"

I too am always alright on my own but I'd always get sucked back in by some wierd patterns on my part.

Ngaire

shizngiglz

I told myself REPEATEDLY yesterday, last night and this morning...NOT to let him goad me into an argument.....to NOT say a flippin' thing about the party.....but I failed.

I had to work this morning....I get up at 5:30....and he gets up. WHY? He has nowhere to go.....I'm in the shower, and he starts running a bath!!! He KNOWS this makes my shower ICE cold.

He had run out of ciagrettes last night...I stopped home at lunch and he hadn't gotten off the couch ALL day (and never did)....he whined about not having $$$ for gas and cigarettes....I left him 5 bucks.

I get home from work, he's still on the couch...never went to town. I wasn't going for him, so he smoked my cigarettes. Fine. I had almost a full pack....I told him, "just make sure that you leave me two, for in the morning, please...."

I get out of the shower....and ask him why he had to run a bath while I was still in the shower...he say, "I thought you were done"....whatever. I go for my cigarettes.....the pack is EMPTY!!!!!!

Needless to say....we got into an argument....I fell for it. Played right into his hands.....I left for work, crying. Told him that I didn't give a fluck what he ended up doing.....

I thought the plans to take his kids shopping for Father's Day were cancelled...(and I REALLY didn't care) BUT, his daughter called me today....plans are still on.

OH GOODIE!!! I get to go shopping for the sunofvabitch!!!

I have no idea what will end up happening this weekend.......if tonight is bad....and we get his kids Sunday....so that will make that a crappy day (just because there will be tension between him and I, and your not supposed to talk about problems, when the kids visit....mums the word....shhhhhhhhhhhhh)

I still have no idea what I'm doing, or what I'm going to do.....
I know it's not a good idea, but I thought about going out.....I know I won't be able to sit home alone....while he's next door.

My thoughts and feelings are all a big joke to him........

myles1

I find something that helpes me is to go back and read what I've written about the situation. If you haven't already maybe go back and read what you've written in this thread so far.

He goaded you into a fight and now he has his excuse to go to his party.

Eventually you'll get wise enough and strong enough not to let him get to you like this.

He wants your FULL attention in all this. It's power for him.

I have sympathy for you, been there done that and all I want to do is SCREAM at you to GET OUT!!!!! But it wouldn't ,matter if you aren't ready yet and you have to be ready.
There is life out there though without the moron.

Ngaire

Ophelia

Dear Ngaire,
I've been through it too, you are so right on. I know it's not supposed to be funny, but the moron line just made me giggle. Probably because it's in my past, I'm not doing it anymore and I can laugh about it now. What a relief.

Dear Sarah,
It took me a while to get back to you, but I so appreciate your posts, you have been a real inspiration to me.

and Shiz,
What can I say, you've started a great thread - I've really gotten a lot out of it. Thanks for being so honest!!!

shizngiglz

Welp, it's Monday.....made it through the weekend.

Things went fine, I guess.....I ended up going out with a friend. He went to the graduation party. (I don't think he ended up having as much fun as he thought he would....) I actually had a good time

Yesterday, I got up and did chores (we have horses). It was beautiful outside, the first really nice day that we've had. So, I grabbed my book and a cup of tea, and sat outside and read. We got into a mini-argument after he got up.....nothing major. He's mad, I'm mad....and neither really knows why. (does that make sense?)
I'm more disappointed than anything....disappointed that he drank. He knows that, and I think he's more mad at himself.

There's really nothing either of us can point our finger at, and say, "You did *this* wrong...".

I'm not sure "where we're at"....or what's going to happen. Yesterday was tense....and part of me just wanted to make everthing alright....but I figured, let him do it. I'm just going about "business as usual".....and figure if he wants to be pissy, he can be....if he wants to make things better, he can be the one to do it.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and their input...and for letting me vent.

Thanks

jessieandme2003

Sarah, it is a tough situation. It is hard to belive them after they've lied a lot, which my AH has. He also told me he had a one night stand with a woman he knew form the bar just two weeks after we separated. He said "it didn't mean anything" but that statement in itself makes me sick. I find the selfishness overpowers any ability for him to be the kind of man I need him to be. I cannot trust him anymore. He is not in any form of recovery, he is in denial and actively drinking.
With your man in recovery, you will have to trust yourself to really decide if he is now on the right path and you can begin to try to rebuild trust. I am sure it will take time. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.