shakarris

I have been reading many an old post looking for an answer and maybe it is just cause there is not one but it is driving me crazy.

A and I are splitting up - no question there but so much more to think about. We own a duplex = one side we rent out, the other we live in - it has only been one year but I have saved his butt many a time cause he would drink away his checks and I frankly do not care to live under the bridge. that being said all I have asked for is for a few months peace so I can regroup and then decide what I want to do or where I want to go - if anywhere. Oh know we must be on his clock and his time he wants answers NOW. I told him no way he is not going to bully me anymore and that I deserve some peace. He has agreed to go live in his 5th wheel - which i may say is gorgeous. He set it up in the driveway of our tennants for today and hopefully will be gone tomorrow or Wed - he has called me 6 times so far. Am I home, how is my son today, boy it is cold out, what am i doing, can i take the lid off the hot tub.. what part of leave me alone did he not get. I must say seeing him come up the road to the hot tub - drunk as a newt was too funny.

My question is - he knows it is done, he is fed up with me ( because I have detached - that is when it came to a head )and I am soooo done with him - why can he not just go quietly??

don't make me unplug him in the middle of the night :rof

shakarris

Barbara52

:rof Dang! That would be tempting!

As to why, I decided it just wasn't worth trying to figure out the whys concerning my AH. It just doesn't pay to try and understand the irrational. Alcoholic thinking is not rational thinking.

shakarris

one more call and I am making the 2 second walk..:chatter.

I guess it is not so much the why is he this or that.. this is the first time ever ( NOT KIDDING) that a break up has been this nasty. I am still in contact with my exes.. friendly enough to even have a coffee and catch up on our lives.

I have always believed that once where there was love and friendship can remain.. guess not this time.. he is just cruel beyond words. Just keep putting me down to whoever will listen.. not that I care what people think I know what is ture and what is not .. they do not live my life nor with mr happy

guess i have always heard stories .. it just has never happened to me. \i will survive and be stronger... that I do know

shakarris

rkymtncowboy

You will drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out.

Just shut off the propane!

hope2bhappy

Apparently, none of it. You could turn off your phone.

I guess the games continue until we quit playing and force them to play solitaire. Get some rest.

NoChoice

Alcoholics have more games that Milton Bradley!

Lilyflower

Why won't he leave you alone? Possibly because at the bottom of his heart he does not want the relationship to end. If he is calling you over and over this tells me that he still wants you. Alcoholics tend to run away from situations that are painful and require physical and mental effort to overcome. Depression/denial are an intrinsic part of the disease.

Rella927

:rof NoChoice your too funny! And I must say that this is true! I myself as a codie had a few games too not to totally down grade the A's.

shakarris I feel for you I really do....I was there once in my life and I gave up on the trying to figure anything out because it kept me stuck in misery! There is no answer....and wasting time trying to find them is not worth it for your own well being! You sound great and that you are on the right path so keep going it will only become easier in time! Hang in there you are doing fine

:rof unplug if you feel the need......

Check this out too this was always one of my favorites:

What addicts do.....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ddicts-do.html

gjfc3

Gentle hugs to you!

g

shadowwood

I think there is a family dynamic with addicts/alcoholics, where they need for things in a relationship to stay the same so they don't have to confront their problems. And if you try to change those dynamics, they work VERY hard to change them back. (This may be obvious to some of you, but I'm just starting to get a clear picture of how twisted and off-the-track all of this is.)

Years ago, when my brother would run off and wreck a car while drunk or do something crazy and end up in the psych ward, I would spend HOURS talking to my mother on the phone trying to make her feel better and just generally talking through things. It took me awhile to see that all I was doing by listening to her and trying to help was defuse her anger towards him. That way, she never had to confront him directly about his issues.

When I told her that I was no longer willing to be the third leg in this freak show triangle, she was FURIOUS with me! FURIOUS! Accused me of not being supportive. She tried very hard a couple of times to call and talk about him, but I refused to listen. The same thing happened when I told her that I would no longer be available to move him from apartment to apartment every three or four months. I changed the familiar, comfortable family dynamic, and it forced her to view things in a different light. (Not that it helped the situation with my brother-- but ~I~ sure felt better after I set some boundaries!)

He is calling you because things in your relationship have changed, and if he can get things back to "normal" with you, he won't have to think about the pain or his drinking or his part in all of this. Stay strong.