DII

Call me crazy......or stupid. I knew when I stopped seeing my therapist I'd do something nuts!
I need some help from the veterans out there. My AW has been living out of the house sine June 07 bevause she can't stay sober, had a DUI in September with a high BAC.

Lately I have had mixed feelings about her, us and the situation in general....I think the Holidays had a lot to do with everything. Some examples...

-I helped her move from her apartment this weekend and into a house, she's renting a room with a friend. The other people that helped looked at me like I was the cause of her "having" to move. Later that day she told me that she never thought she would be 40 and and having to move into a room. On one hand I feel sorry for her...on the other those other people are quick to feel sorry for her and contempt for me but don't bother to ask how I'm doing or how my boys are doing!

- Two Saturday's ago a friend of hers threw her a big suprise 40th b-day party that she wanted me and the boys to attend with people from her work and friends. We went reluctantly but her friends are convinced if she would feel special, important and got some nice stuff she would feel better about herself and be stronger....I want to puke on this one and didn't exactly know what to do when this happened. One of her friend's has her convinced that she needs to whiten her teeth and straighten her teeth to "feel better" about herself. She does this through trades as a personal trainer rather than take the money.....when she can't make her bills who do you think pays?

-I think sometimes that a AW is looked upon as an unfortunate soul, that this happend to men more than women. That when I, as a husband and father ask my wife to move out because her alcoholism is causing chaos and misery for the family that I am punishing her. Separtaing her from her children. I find myself buying into this as well......I am feeling sorry for her. My head knows better......

I gotta get back to my therapist!

Thanks for listening!

Omega Man

All I'm going to say is that I know it's better for the children involved to be in a household with one stable loving parent then in the middle of two parents with one going off the deep end.

Pick-a-name

(((DII)))

I learned something last night about this kind of thing. My exAH moved out and divorced me and I think had people feeling the same way about me and our kids (that we were "mean" and he was put-upon,etc....he is a "high-functioning" A). Last night my son and I went out for dinner at the country club and mentioned to him that we were going and if he cared to join us,he could (like we have for the past few years and he always was "busy"). Last night he DID join us (actually had a nice time) but a bunch of the group of people he has been socializing with since our separation were there. This time it seems that most of them seem to have a different attitude towards me (in a good way);only one woman who noticably drinks alot was "cold" and ignoring to me as they walked past our table. The others seem as if their might be seeing another side to this picture.

It is frustrating,annoying,etc. on top of everything else when the A has people believing their BS or being fed more. Eventually the truth does come out.

How ARE you and your boys doing? Glad you are here...it helps me remember the truth when I start to doubt myself.

prodigal

If the other folks don't ask how you or your boys are doing, chalk it up to their lack of manners. People can be rude. How do you know they're actually contemptuous of you? Are these people former close friends of yours? If so, they're poor excuses for friends. What they think of you is none of your business. What they think of you shouldn't matter. Let them believe her if they wish.

I assume you pay her bills. So I'd suggest you either (1) pay her bills and not fume about it, or (2) not pay her bills.

Don't buy into her pity party and don't start throwing one of your own. She was causing pain for you and your children. She relinquished her rights as a parent when she chose the booze over her kids. Do what is right for your children. Leave her to make her own choices - be they good ones or bad.

A wise decision and step in the right direction!

Barbara52

I have found that many people just do not understand the dynamics of alcoholism and find it easy to "blame" the party who leaves or causes the other other spouse to leave. Its still bothers me somewhat but I am getting better and just letting them have thier own opinons and views. True friends will not take sies without information from both sides. I am not responsible for their lack of understanding of the whole situation nor do I need to educate them beyond initial attempts.

Yup, getting back into therapy sounds like a good idea to me.

DII

Thanks everyone! The sharing helps....I know we all find it tough sometimes....this place helps when you need a little something extra!

denny57

When I want to feel good about myself, I stay away from people who make me feel bad about myself. This is why no contact worked for me. It is not about punishing the other person, but protecting myself. My time away from any contact whatsoever with AH has given me back my sanity. My broken record: just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be in their presence.

Return to counseling sounds good :-).