Don't know where I belong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 3
Don't know where I belong
I'm horribly co-dependent, I have been most of my life. But I'm also a drinker, or I was. I'm not sure which group I should seek help from. I'm leaning more towards Al-anon but I'm looking to this group for some guidance.
So here's the short version of my story or an attempt to make it short. I was raised in a very co-dependent family. First with a father with severe mental illness who eventually took his own life when I was 5. Then mom ended up with an alcoholic when I was about 7 until I was about 12. I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. I also started drinking when I was 14. Actually my first experience with alcohol I blacked out from. I drank a lot in high school, hung out with the party crowd. All threw my twenties I continued to binge drink. Then for a 5 year stretch it was almost a daily thing where I was going to the bar almost every night with my friends, taking a break here and there because I as so deathly hungover. Then one day I decided to stop because I was sick of what I was doing to my body, my mind and my spirit. That was about a year and a half ago. Since then I've only drank about 4 times.
Most of my relationships with men have been very co-dependent! It's almost like I crave relationships with "troubled" men. I've dated countless alcoholics and I've dated countless men with mental health issues, or better yet - both.
Right now I'm trying to deal with some very frightening emotions that are coming up for me in an unhealthy friendship with a male friend (we have tried dating each other more than once) whom is a recovering addict who attends A.A. My need to control and feel needed by him constantly is controlling my life right now. We both struggle with establishing boundaries in our relationship and yes it has gotten very unhealthy for us both. But I can't seem to let go, in fact the more I do that or when he pushes me away the more I want to latch on and the more depressed I get. I don't know what to do and all i want to do right now is DRINK because I'm so upset right now. Because I know if I were to drink I wouldn't have to feel so crazy inside right now. That all these F@#cked up emotions I'm feeling would subside temporarily. I woudln't wish these feelings on anyone.
So here is my dilema I'm co-dependent and I love to drink, although I think a lot of my drinking stems from my co-depdency and my feelings of inadequacy. So am I the only one that's like this? Where do I go, A.A. or Al-anon?? Help!
I'm cross-posting this in the Alcoholic forum too.
So here's the short version of my story or an attempt to make it short. I was raised in a very co-dependent family. First with a father with severe mental illness who eventually took his own life when I was 5. Then mom ended up with an alcoholic when I was about 7 until I was about 12. I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. I also started drinking when I was 14. Actually my first experience with alcohol I blacked out from. I drank a lot in high school, hung out with the party crowd. All threw my twenties I continued to binge drink. Then for a 5 year stretch it was almost a daily thing where I was going to the bar almost every night with my friends, taking a break here and there because I as so deathly hungover. Then one day I decided to stop because I was sick of what I was doing to my body, my mind and my spirit. That was about a year and a half ago. Since then I've only drank about 4 times.
Most of my relationships with men have been very co-dependent! It's almost like I crave relationships with "troubled" men. I've dated countless alcoholics and I've dated countless men with mental health issues, or better yet - both.
Right now I'm trying to deal with some very frightening emotions that are coming up for me in an unhealthy friendship with a male friend (we have tried dating each other more than once) whom is a recovering addict who attends A.A. My need to control and feel needed by him constantly is controlling my life right now. We both struggle with establishing boundaries in our relationship and yes it has gotten very unhealthy for us both. But I can't seem to let go, in fact the more I do that or when he pushes me away the more I want to latch on and the more depressed I get. I don't know what to do and all i want to do right now is DRINK because I'm so upset right now. Because I know if I were to drink I wouldn't have to feel so crazy inside right now. That all these F@#cked up emotions I'm feeling would subside temporarily. I woudln't wish these feelings on anyone.
So here is my dilema I'm co-dependent and I love to drink, although I think a lot of my drinking stems from my co-depdency and my feelings of inadequacy. So am I the only one that's like this? Where do I go, A.A. or Al-anon?? Help!
I'm cross-posting this in the Alcoholic forum too.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi Greendots,
Im probably the last person to give you any advise but it sounds like you need a friend and you will find many here.
Its a scary feeling when you dont feel like you belong somewhere, I know.
Its easier to get caught up in everyone elses dramas (the co-dependent thing). What I learned was this. The only way this will stop is when you starting stopping it. Wipe the slate clean, think about what you want for the rest of your life (this can be anything from owning a dog to flying a kite). Get rid of all the negativity in your life, people, pasts, baggage, jobs whatever it is and start mixing with positive people who embrace you. Go with your gut feelings, if it doesnt feel right dont do it or say no (dont join in the drama) You know 'Intuition' - listen to what you are really telling yourself and make the choice. Do something nice for yourself and someone else each week.
You determine your own life, so ask yourself why you prefer it like this? We all have a past (heck, Ive made some big mistakes) but you can change the future by taking small steps to begin with and eventually you wont even have to question things because you will know what you really want.
Im probably the last person to give you any advise but it sounds like you need a friend and you will find many here.
Its a scary feeling when you dont feel like you belong somewhere, I know.
Its easier to get caught up in everyone elses dramas (the co-dependent thing). What I learned was this. The only way this will stop is when you starting stopping it. Wipe the slate clean, think about what you want for the rest of your life (this can be anything from owning a dog to flying a kite). Get rid of all the negativity in your life, people, pasts, baggage, jobs whatever it is and start mixing with positive people who embrace you. Go with your gut feelings, if it doesnt feel right dont do it or say no (dont join in the drama) You know 'Intuition' - listen to what you are really telling yourself and make the choice. Do something nice for yourself and someone else each week.
You determine your own life, so ask yourself why you prefer it like this? We all have a past (heck, Ive made some big mistakes) but you can change the future by taking small steps to begin with and eventually you wont even have to question things because you will know what you really want.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California
Posts: 164
Why not try both AA and Alanon? There are a lot of double winners in the group I attend. While Alanon is my home, I have recently been attending an open AA meeting and getting alot out of it. I'm sure you will get some sort of message from your higher power if you just go to meetings and hear what is said. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 151
There's also Codependents Anonymous. Co-dependents Anonymous
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