hopeintahoe

I just need to write a little, having a bad day. My AH wife relapased after 6 months and all the same old **** is going through my mind. I talked with my sponsor and know I need to take care of myself. I really wonder if my wife wants out of this relationship and drinking was the only way she could force this, not sure. I do know that she was not a happy person when sober, she did not want to deal with the reasons she drinks. I do feel there is some mental illness there as well. I am really sick of the verbal **** that comes out of her mouth, but I seem to be unable to leave. I have been asking my HP to guide me and I know he will. I have been sober for 20 years and know that this is possible for people, am I just living a dream that my wife will get it. Sorry for the ramble just needed to talk to try and feel a little better.

black_orchid

Hi, Im in exactly the same situation as you. My other half has ruined Christmas , he started with a bottle of Chivas Regal 12 year old blended scotch on the night before Xmas eve and is still going strong ( a bottle of whisky a day since)

He has pushed me to the point of no return this time (I think :/)

I cant really offer you any advice but I hope it helps to know theres someone else out there like you .....

I have never felt so alone in my entire life.

geees poncho

Maybe your HP is guiding you, and your not hearing

Growing

Awarness is the first step (as you know with 20yrs sober) and you are there, so good for you.

Make decisions YOU can live with, set and keep to your boundaries...

Please try Al-Anon meetings.

Keep coming back, recovery works *IF YOU* work it...

Care and Support sent your way,

Growing

Miss Pink

we ALL have choices and options.
we ALL experience the consequences of those choices and options.

I chose to no longer torture myself by allowing the alcoholic to be an emotional terroist to me and my child.

as a result, I experienced a great deal of peace and integrity. I hope you are working the steps in alanon to help you make positive choices!

prodigal

Maybe she wants to leave, maybe she just wants to get drunk. Since she won't deal with the reasons she drinks, she won't deal with issues. Period. I'm married to her male clone. To be honest with you, based on my own personal experience, I don't think they know what they want - other than a bottle of booze.

Don't listen to the verbal garbage. Remove yourself from the situation. Leave her to talk to empty space. As someone who walked out on a horrible marital situation to an A who beat me up, I can tell you that you WILL leave - when you are doggone sick and tired and done with taking that crap.

laurie6781

First let me say, welcome to SR. Here you will find some great people who have been where you are now. There is lots and lots of ES&H here!!!!!

I can also tell you that there is some excellent Alanon where you are, or a wee bit around the lake, or down in Carson City, lol (used to live there and still have friends there).

Next

Do you know of any alkie in the first months of recovery that 'really really' wanted to look at themselves without blaming others? I don't and I have been sober 26 1/2 years. Every sponsee I have worked with, it has taken up to a year to finally accept what was going on and those were the ones that "really were 'willing' to try" (yeah my sponsor always said I would get the sponsees just like me, and I was a 'kicker and a screamer', rofl).

No, you have to remember your priorities:

HP first,
then yourself,
then those around you in order of importance to you.

I am going to strongly suggest to you, what was suggested to me on my 3rd AA Birthday, GO TO ALANON. I have never, ever regretted it!!!!!!

Gave me a much more meaningful understanding of those 12 steps and has helped me tremendously with my dealings with others, alkie or not.

When you get tired of doing the dance, then you will be ready. Alanon will help you a lot, especially with the 3 C's:

You didn't CAUSE it,

You can't CONTROL it, and

You can't CURE it.

Please keep posting, let us know how you are doing, we do care.

Love and hugs,