FormerDoormat

Addiction to others was my problem. Alanon was my salvation. I couldn't think clearly or begin healing myself until I stopped focusing on others. Give it a try.

ARealLady

(((((((Otis)))))))))

Welcome to the rest of your life! And remember....we're here!

ARL

Janitw

Ditto to what ARL said....

faith12

First thing they teach you in Al anon is that you can't control the alcoholic but you can control yourself. Start taking care of yourself first and let the alcoholic start being responsible for themself. It seriously worked for me to get me out of that old train of thought. So please go out and buy something for yourself that makes you happy to start. Just do it (no matter how small) because you deserve it and you can do it for yourself. Find things that make you happy that have nothing to do with the alcoholic and pursue them. Make a list of all the things that will now be easier in your life without the alcoholic. If that list doesn't make you smile just a little bit I'd be surprised. There is going to be some real weight lifted from you because of this. None of it will be your problem any more and all you need to do is worry about yourself now. Good luck and take good care.

Growing

Otis7, are your parents alcoholic/dysfunctional?

Just wondering...you don't have to answer.

Barbara52

All any of us is do one day at a time. Think about what your boundaries are if you see him and stick to those boundaries.

Growing

You are an Alcoholic?

Barbara52

Otis7, have you reached out in any of the forums for the alcoholics? Perhaps you can find help in there on finding your way into recovery.

cagefree

I had written so many letters that I was going to send - but called up a buddy of mine each time and she would always motivate me to not send it (I still thank her about that!)

My therapist would tell me to write letters but not send them, that it would help - my response (so codependent-sounding to me now) was "Why bother - he won't hear it." In my mind I was still trying to convince him I was worth keeping, worth more than him chucking me aside like an empty paper cup. I finally got that I had to convince myself, not him. Once I got that I was worth more than a relationship with an unavailable person I stopped wanting to make him "get it".

I agree with what others have said - this has nothing to do with you. He's giving up on himself.