bragi

Hi everyone,

So, I actually first acknowledged that both of my parents (perhaps especially my mother) drank copiously for as long as I can remember. I've been doing some reading recently, and many many things ring very true to me, and bring me to tears very quickly and without warning. Not everything fits, though, and I'm still confused. Essentially, I don't know where to go from here, so I'm hoping that someone can relate to my story and point me in the right direction. Thanks in advance

So, the story of my mom's drinking is this: She started drinking at night, and then she started to change. She became very surly and mean -- "predictable unpredictability" is how I'd put it. She'd really put on the victim's/martyr's face, and would snap at the slightest criticism; the only way not to make her extremely upset would be to not say anything at all. She was always angry with my father (who later divorced her), and would fight with him loudly in front of us. Family dinners were very uncomfortable, and were only lightened by humor (usually by me) or the TV.

As soon as the next morning came around, it was like nothing ever happened. Nobody - especially my mother - ever acknowledged anything that happened the night before. I have said maybe one or two things in my life about the episode that happened the previous night, and was met with a blank stare or some other avoidance (ignorance?). Usually, though, you just know that you don't mention the episodes. But you always know they'll happen again.

My mother has threatened suicide, and left the house on long walks, leaving me and my sister in fear and confusion. She still does these things to this day, and they're still awful.

During the day, my mother could be considered a completely different person than she is at night. As a child, I just knew that this is what happened; I didn't know why. In fact, I didn't even consider alcohol abuse until a couple years ago!
So, I want to know where I can go to get further confirmation that alcohol abuse is what happened, and what it means to me -- what effects it had on my personality and how I relate to people now. I recognize issues I have personally - especially with relationships - and I'm hoping that exploring this issue will finally bring me to peace.

Thank you so much for reading this far, and please let me know if you'd like to know more. This is very important to me, so I'm really looking forward to your replies.

Thanks

Wascally Wabbit

My mother started drinking when I was young. She got much worse after my father died when I was 13. She grew worse and worse and 10 years later she sobered up.
The problem is, her behavior affected my sis and me, and she will not recognize the damage she has done. Yes, she was horridly mean and hateful. No, she won't apoligize.
My sister will have nothing to do with her any more. I am 52 yrs old and still to this day there are problems with my mother even though she quit drinking almost 30 years ago!

Alanon helps me tremendously. I would still be crazy and out of control had I not found it. I continue to learn ways to help myself maintain my sanity.

Growing

I am a recovering adult child of two alcoholics.

"I don't know where to go from here, so I'm hoping that someone can relate to my story and point me in the right direction."

I relate to everything you said about your experience and your mothers drinking.

"So, I want to know where I can go to get further confirmation that alcohol abuse is what happened, and what it means to me -- what effects it had on my personality and how I relate to people now. I recognize issues I have personally - especially with relationships - and I'm hoping that exploring this issue will finally bring me to peace."


I would definitely suggest al-anon or acoa meetings. If you google it, you will find websites and most of them have a meetings page. I started with al-anon, and then moved on to acoa. Please keep trying until you find a group that feels like home.

Also, there is a wealth of info on this forum. I would start by reading the stickys here and in other areas of this website. Especially the "classic reading" sticky.

I am relatively new here and I haven't read everything on this website yet, so, feel free to work at your own pace and take your time.

I hope you keep posting and asking questions as they come up.

Welcome!

Growing

FormerDoormat

Alanon, counseling, and SR have been live savers for many of us. Why not give them a try?

steelctywoman43

I suggest sitting in on at least six al-anon meetings. Different ones, different locales if possible. You will hear things that sound familiar to you if you are dealing with the disease of alcoholism. Only you can make that choice to go to a few meetings and see if you really feel better when you leave. Attend at least six before deciding if it is for you. I can only say it works for me, for 11 years now !

bragi

Growing,

Thank you very much It's very comforting to get some confirmation on my story.

Also, thank you for the suggestions. I will definitely start by looking around this forum, and seeing where it leads me.

And if you don't mind: What sorts of issues have you gone through as a result of your experience? Your "progress not perfection" tag kinda speaks to me, so I'm wondering if we've gone through similar things

Wascally Wabbit,

That sounds like a sad situation :\ I know that personally, I keep myself at a distance from my mother, especially at night and on the weekends. Her behavior used to really impact my emotions; now I can see it coming and just stay away. If I have to keep that distance, that's a sad state of affairs, but it's not my fault, y'know?

All,

Thank you for all the replies and support. I'm going to do some research, and then perhaps go to some meetings and see what happens. My main goal is to find peace in my own life; helping my mom (or my dad for that matter) is secondary or a nil goal for me at this point.

Here's a little anecdote that might actually be sort of funny: The first time I smelled alcohol on a friend's breath, I was like "Wait.. I know that odor." This whole time, I thought that's just what my mom's breath smelled like! Ugh.

bragi

Growing (or anyone, really!),

Do you have any book recommendations?

Thanks