AskingWhy

I've always heard that God, or our HP, does not put things on our plate that we can't handle..or put us in situations we can't handle.

IF that's true, then am I wrong to be wanting to run away from this marriage with an AW? Or is there something i'm supposed to learn by being here..or something I'm supposed to do to make a difference in her life or the life of our children?

I just recently started going back to church after a several year layoff...and Ive actually found quite a bit of peace and solace there and have started looking forward to attending each week.....

So now I find myself asking this philosophical question and I don't have an answer for it...can anyone shed some insight?

BayouSelf

I have learned many good lessons from the painful situations in my life. Most of the time, I don't think these situations are necessarily things that my Higher Power, who I choose to call God, has put me in....I can almost guarantee you these are situations that I put myself in, by making the wrong choices. Looking back now, I was just making some really bad decisions....when in fact, had I prayed about God's Will for my life, I may have not gone through such painful situations. But it is because of that pain, that I learned what I needed to change in myself. If that makes any sense......

I started attending Alanon meetings and found an incredible sponsor who helped me see the horrible things that I was bringing into my life, not my Higher Power. But it was always my Higher Power who helped me walk through it and get to the other side, where life is worth living, quiet, peaceful, fun, and exciting! I'll keep you in my prayers.

good_luck

Maybe you can handle running away.

Cynay

I have to agree.... I dont think its a God thing..... I think its the gift he gave us of Free Will..... and we are choosing to make decisions that are not in our best interest.

I could probably go into scripture but I dont like doing that in Friends and Family... Christian form is more suited for that. I will say that I believe that all things good are from God (even though we cant see the big picture in that) and it is our choice/will as to how we live it. He may not give me more then I can handle (which does not mean he will not give me pain/hurt) .... but in my will I seem to give myself more then I can handle all the time and run back begging for his mercy and help, which he always gives me.

Sermon over..... Take what you want and leave the rest.

Miss Pink

God wont take you to a place where his Grace cant protect you.


We are not victims, doomed to live in an abusive relationship. Gods will is for all to be happy, joyous and free. If you are not, then perhaps you are living in a relationship by your own will, not his.

We codies never seem to be able to whats right for ourselves.....so sometimes God has to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

Omega Man

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was
walking along the beach with the LORD. Across
the sky flashed scenes of his life. For each scene,
he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one
belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
He looked back at the footprints in the sand. He
noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints. He also
noticed that it happened at the very lowest and
saddest times of his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the
LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I
decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the
way. But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life, there is only one set
of footprints; I don't understand why when I
needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you. During
your times of trial and suffering, when you see
only one set of footprints, it was then that I
carried you."



Author: Margaret Fishback Powers © 1964

FormerDoormat

I learned many things throughout the course of my relationship with my alcoholic boyfriend:

• I learned that I'm stronger, more intelligent, more independent, and more resiliant than I ever imagined.
• I learned that there is nothing that I can't handle myself and no problem or obstacle is insurmountable.
• I learned that I have a tendency to want to control the outcome of, well, just about everything.
• I learned that I tend to focus on others' issues and not enough on my own.
• I learned that I tend to treat others much better than I treat myself.
• I learned all of this and more by joining this forum and attending Alanon.
• I learned that sometimes angels come in the form of struggling addicts who unwittingly lead us to places like SR and Alanon and help free us from our demons.
• And most of all, I learned to be grateful for the lovely man who I shared my life with and the journey he took me on that ultimately led to my salvation.

Cynay

Thank you FD..... been awhile since you have brought a tear to my eye but you always manage to do it.

BayouSelf

GOOD STUFF!!!! Thank you FD!

DesertEyes

Hey there AskingWhy, and welcome to this wonderful website

What my HP does is gives me the "tools" with which to handle the challenges that are coming up in my life.

A few years ago the economy took a dive, my customers all went broke, and I had to close up the little business my ex and I had built for over a decade. I had no idea how I would ever survive that. I was forced to move to another town, where I now have a wonderful job, lots of opportunity, tons of new friends.

If I had tried to hang on to that business 'till the bitter end I'd still be in California, way broker than I am now.

My ex-wife started running around with married guys. I had no idea how I would ever survive that. I went to al-anon meets and saw some shrinks and simply couldn't imagine how to do all this "12 step stuff". I was forced to leave that marriage and work on _me_ and the reasons why I would even _consider_ being married to a cheater. Today I'm single and loving it. I've been dating a charming young lady for over a year and can't imagine a better life.

If I had hung on that marriage 'till the bitter end I'd still be in California, if I hadn't died of AIDS or some such.

My HP has _never_ put me in any kind of situation. Life happens, and sometimes it sucks when it happens. What my HP does is show me how to get my tush _out_ of the situation. Without al-anon, without the guys back in California who took the time to share their own al-anon experience, without the people here on SR who did the same, my life today would be a horror.

Mike

denny57

I like to think of it that I can handle anything that comes my way. Sometimes alone, sometimes with help. I don't think of it as I have to "take" whatever comes my way as if it's some great existential test of my stamina.

hope2bhappy

There are a million different schools of thought on this subject. I've had an awful lot of things on my plate that I did not think I could handle, but I'm still standing. I, personally, have a deep faith in God. I know He is with me. I know He is the one who guides me out of the darkest hours.

geees poncho

This is all good stuff, and we all realize that our HP is hard at work for us, WHY???
Because there is also a LOWER POWER hard at work for us.
MY HP DOES NOT PUT ANY JUNK IN MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN AND BLESSED.
However the other entity, tries very hard to disrupt my life.
My HP guided me here.

Barbara52

There may be something you are supposed to learn. I am sure you are supposed to make a difference in your children's lives. That may involve removing them from an alcoholic mother and giving them a healthy environment to grow up in. It may not. Only you can try to figure that out with prayer and by listening to God's response.

I do know that God never expects someone to stay in a marriage that is no longer a marriage. The way I read the Bible, that is clear as can be.

steelctywoman43

The only thing I can relate that may help is my own ESH. I pray and work a third step. I let go, and accept that I may or may not like the answer. I once heard that there are three answers from one's HP. Yes, no and 'patience'.

splendra

I just want to say something about personal responsibility...We do make choices that get us into situations that are uncomfortable. I do not think my HP makes my choices for me.

I do believe my HP is with me in everything I do. If I am honest with myself I am the one choosing what I will or will not do. I have free will. I am free to choose my will or, the will of my HP. If I am miserable or, happy I can usually trace it back to me making some kind of choice

splendra

One of my favorite verses out of the bible is:

"The Joy of the LORD is my strength"

Being aware of the LORDS presence in my life I find total joy. I no longer have to use my strength because I find strength in his joy.

Jesus said I come so that you might enjoy your life.

If I enjoy my misery I can be sure that my HP will bless it cause that is the giving nature of my HP.

I can pray, pray, pray when do I listen to what I am saying much less my HP? My HP already knows everything. It seems like when I listen to my HP instead of praying all the time about my situation I might find the solution...

Lilyflower

I don't think God/Bhudda/HP puts us in situations we cannot handle, I believe their is always a lesson to be learnt. A famous spiritual saying is....

'Even if someone I have helped and of whom I have had great hopes never the less harms me without any reason, may I seem them as my holy spiritual guide.'

This to me translates as a 'problematic person/situation' has the ability to teach us and help us grow as long as we decide to see the lesson. This teaching is irrespective of the type of problem or whether or not we remain within the problem, but rather allows us to take a struggle and turn it to something that will be adventageous to ourselves. The lesson is always learnt within ourselves, it doesn't necessarily mean the person/situation will change. However another saying i like..

'Nothing in life is permanent, the only thing we can truely depend on is that given time everything WILL change.'

Lily xxxxxxxxx